Feel like a total crappy friend to a friend of mine - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2007, 06:53 PM Thread Starter
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Feel like a total crappy friend to a friend of mine

Hi all,

I feel really bad about myself now. Well I had a good friend from my college days 2005-2006, and we would talk every month or two about school and such all through the end of 2006 and beginning of 2007 (I wasnt in school at that time)

Well the last time I talked to him was like February 2007. March came but I didnt call, neither did he. Ultimately we normally would call eachother like every month or two an see whats up.

I swear it was like July/August and I was contemplating calling him, but because of SA I dont particularly enjoy talking on the phone (doesnt make me that anxious or anything, maybe slightly, but I just find it like a 'Job' or 'Chore' to call someone, so I put it off...and off, etc.)

Well I decided not to call him, and I felt really bad about it at the time, because he is a good friend of mine. But I also figured like...well, hey he hasnt called me either so...maybe its no big deal.

So today 7 months later he called me and left a voicemail saying the usual 'whats going on man' havent talked to you in a while, etc. He sounded like it was no big deal that we havent talked in so long.

I feel like a total a**hole for not calling him months before like a friend should do. I dont know why because the truth is he didnt call me either. I dont know why I feel so bad right now. I called him back but his voicemail picked up, so I left something like:

'Hey whats going on! Wow it's been like what 7 months since we've talked, yeah i'm sorry man I lost your phone number and everyone elses like a few months ago back in June or whatever, so I have no idea whats up with school or any of the other guys we know. I just been going on facebook and see whats up with them on their profiles and such but...yeah so anyways it's nice to hear from you, i'm curious whats new with you/going on with school and such so... well, i'll be up till like 4am as i usually go to sleep around that time, if you want to call and bs tonight thats fine, otherwise i'll call you tomorrow or in a couple days or something. Alright man take care - bye'

Do you guys think I shouldn't have said that about losing his phone # and everyone elses? I figured i'd have to think of some reason for not calling him, other than something lame like 'I was too busy' (oh yeah for 7 months), so I just figured i'd tell him I lost his number and everyone elses that was on my phone.

I decided that if he asks when I do talk to him, i'll tell him 'yeah I had to send in my phone for warranty and it came back all cleared out with nobodys stored phone #'s on there, but when you called it was logged in my received calls'.

My phone was off though and he didnt leave his phone # in his voicemail. So now i'm like, UH, crap, maybe I was just caught bs'ng him. If I told him I lost his number and he didnt give it to me in his voicemail, how could I call him, LOL. Fortunately he probably doesnt remember what he left in his voicemail (because it doesnt save your outgoing voicemail messages, at least on Verizon) so...

But I can tell him if he asks 'Yeah my phone was charging so it'll go straight to voicemail but it was on while charging so it logged your number in received calls'.

Now i'm thinking I just dug myself into a deeper hole and I feel like crap. My message I posted above is like identical to what I left him.

Does it sound like BS to you guys about me losing his phone #? Do you think he'll think i'm BSng about losing his phone #?

Man I feel like a horrible friend now...life lesson, my gut said I should call my old friends months ago, even if its better late than ever, that not at all. I chose the not at all option or 'wait till they call me', and now I feel like a horrible person.

I also dont know why I have to apologize and feel like I have to reason to everybody. I do it all the time - I apologize for nothing really. Why should I have apologized for not calling him, I should have just acted nonchalant about it and not gave any excuses, that would have been the best thing to do.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2007, 07:07 PM
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Re: Feel like a total crappy friend to a friend of mine

you have a friend that you only talk to every few months?

"It's better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared." -- Whitney Young Jr.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2007, 07:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Feel like a total crappy friend to a friend of mine

Yeah this just totally ruined my day now...I was actually excited to hear from a good friend of mine, was surprising too (wasnt expecting it), but...

I now have my voicemail message replaying over and over and over again in my head. I feel like I just made a total a** out of myself.

I basically shot myself in the foot. My own voicemail and my own words has ruined my own day. How dumb.

I'm now in a depressed state of mind. Yes, I realize this is all so stupid over a voicemail message. I treat it like a multi-million dollar business deal, but in reality its just a voicemail message.

All at the same time realizing how dumb it is to be temporarily depressed/replaying my voicemail message over and over in my mind, and rethinking what I said, over something so miniscule as a voicemail message.

Current emotions:

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2007, 07:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Feel like a total crappy friend to a friend of mine

Originally Posted by Noca
you have a friend that you only talk to every few months?
When we were in college together, we'd hang out all the time. Since I left college and he is still there, we would talk every month or two and see whats new/whats up, etc. He lives 2-2.5hrs away (and the campus is that far also from me) one way drive, so we never metup either.

But yes we kept in touch from summer 06 till february 07, then didnt talk at all, then he called today and left a voicemail seeing whats new/etc.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 09-19-2007, 07:37 PM
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Re: Feel like a total crappy friend to a friend of mine

hey aviator... yeah true u probably shouldnt have told your friend that you lost his number but really i think you are blowing this thing way out of proportion! he probably will think nothing of it and if he does think you are lying about it i doubt he will bring it up for discussion. if he brings it up in conversation it is pretty easy to say you were on my recieved calls. if i have my phone off i still get recieved calls numbers and what not so i'm sure even if its not the case for your phone, it is that way for some people. anyway, if your friend is really your friend he will just be happy to talk to you and he will not overthink the situation (like you are). given the fact that you replied to his voicemail he will probably think you are interested in talking to him and being his friend so he will appreciate the gesture and hopefully call you back soon so you guys can have a nice chat and all your worries will be over!

sorry for the long paragraph

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-15-2014, 11:29 PM
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I think it is a pretty big deal that you didn't talk to your friend for 7 months! I mean, that's not really how friendship is supposed to work.... So of course you feel bad! If you didn't, there would have to be something wrong with you. What would have been best would have been to have just been completely honest with your friend. I have a "friend" who did kind of the same thing that you did to me. Excuses are obvious and very lame. Just tell your friend the truth! I know it's really hard, but trust me, it's definitely worth it, and it makes you feel so much better. I really hope everything works out.
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