Existing in fear
I would like to start by saying, I appreciate anyone existence that decides to follow this post all the way through. I don't expect anyone to have all the answers, but I'm looking for any insight I can get regarding my current state of mind. If you would like to initiate a conversation I'll most likely be available.
Well I rarely ever decide to make posts anywhere on the internet, I mostly lurk and try to feel connected to others who may feel how I feel. I would like anyone to please read this from their perspective and help me answer a few questions I'll have, I'll number them. Obviously if you value your time, I won't force you to read this disorganized post, but I truly appreciate anyone who decides to give me any sort of advice.
I currently feel as though I'm stuck in limbo and I'm not sure where to go from here, I've spent too much time with myself and have truly disconnected from all the true emotions I once felt. I think I'm actually messed up in the head, I'm trying to sort myself out but I just don't know if it's going anywhere and I don't know if I'll ever be at a place where I'm comfortable with myself. I believe I've lost all control to something in my head, whether it be my subconscious or some other higher force. (1)Do I sound crazy here? Sometimes I feel as though I have removed myself from my head and have become my surroundings, but this doesn't help with conversation making. But I also believe I'm just creating these experiences, again without my control. (2)I've really lost it now, huh? (3)Can someone please help me focus my attention on other people so I can connect and actually make conversation?
Alright so I'm currently 19, and I wouldn't say I have many notable experiences in my life yet. So the fear in my existence, I believe, comes from the inability to properly communicate, which may in turn cause the people around me to become uncomfortable with me and end up avoiding me and spiraling into a negative relationship. (4)Does this post give you the idea that I'm mentally challenged? (5)I feel as though my words are empty, like they don't really have meaning, does this seem like the truth?
If anyone would like more information or thinks I missed something just let me know.