Everyone seems like such a conformist - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-30-2011, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
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Everyone seems like such a conformist


I keep trying to figure out why I don't usually fit in anymore. It's because I don't like how you can guess how people will act before you know anything about them. At my college for instance.. almost all guys wear hats and try to be college stylish. There's nothing really wrong with that, but I wonder if that's what they really want to dress like, or if they're worried they won't blend well.

My thing is that a long time ago I said I wasn't going to do what everyone else was doing. If I didn't want to do something, I just wouldn't. I look around when I'm out and I just know how people are going to act. It's like they're all following a book with predetermined rules. I know most people do it because they are looking for a place to fit in, but geez why does it have to be everybody! If you were to see me, you would think I was a normal dude, but then If I said I liked listening to trance you'd be like 'OMG! I thought that was for druggie ravers?'. It's like why can't I like things without looking the part. To me it just seems that when I look at other people.... when they look the part.. they stick to it.

A guy in one of my classes dresses like a wannabe rapper, and I hear him listening to Eminem all the time. This is probably TL;DR for most people but I don't get why people are so 1 dimensional. I pride myself on liking a plethora (hehe yeah plethora) of different things, but when I tell people somethings I like.. they're always like, 'you don't seeem like the type'. oye vey.
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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-30-2011, 11:15 PM
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I pride myself on liking a plethora (hehe yeah plethora) of different things, but when I tell people somethings I like.. they're always like, 'you don't seeem like the type'. oye vey.
I have a lot of interests where people say "you don't seem like the type," and I take pride in getting those comments It means breaking some stereotypes that girls don't do certain sports, or like certain music. It means you are doing what you like, even if it rubs people the wrong way or goes against the norm. I think you are brave for doing it. Respekt! haha


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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-30-2011, 11:25 PM
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That just makes you all the more well rounded and easier to get along with. Take pride!

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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 12:27 AM
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Hi there.

Human beings are hard-wired to try to fit in - from an evolutionary perspective, fitting in facilitates survival. It's largely unconscious behaviour.
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 01:26 AM
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 03:17 AM
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I agree. I don't know what to say without sounding like a pretentious **** really... but I'm not, as I'm sure that you are also not.
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 03:20 AM
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****in' conformists.

"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing".
-Jack Handey
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 03:21 AM
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****in' conformists.
xD Beat me to it!
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 05:21 AM
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You can conform in both ideas and 'materialisations'.
Was talking to my therapist about this last week actually - we tend to have more philosophical discussion than actual therapy >.>

He said that a few weeks ago, there was a traditional senior dance at a nearby school, where the traditional dress code is something like what people would wear 50 years ago - formal clothes.
But apparently 2 guys had shown up dressed as Bananas in Pyjamas.
And that's where it get interesting really, because by abandoning the dress code in that way, they are exactly conforming to the ideas of individuality, 'dare to be different' and uniqueness and end up being securing their positions within the group exactly because of it.

But if you seperate yourself from the group, not in a clearly deliberate/ 'tongue-in-cheek' way, but seemingly uncontrolled or by mistake, you probably aren't going to be accepted.

Current individuality does not oppose conformism.
I think the divide is more with group oriented vs non-group oriented behaviour.
But I don't know if it's possible or desirable to be completely non-group oriented.
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 08:41 AM
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Individuality has kind of gone out the window, since the arrival of internet, and everyone being able to connect.

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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 05:58 PM
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I keep trying to figure out why I don't usually fit in anymore. It's because I don't like how you can guess how people will act before you know anything about them. At my college for instance.. almost all guys wear hats and try to be college stylish. There's nothing really wrong with that, but I wonder if that's what they really want to dress like, or if they're worried they won't blend well. My thing is that a long time ago I said I wasn't going to do what everyone else was doing. If I didn't want to do something, I just wouldn't. I look around when I'm out and I just know how people are going to act. It's like they're all following a book with predetermined rules. I know most people do it because they are looking for a place to fit in, but geez why does it have to be everybody! If you were to see me, you would think I was a normal dude, but then If I said I liked listening to trance you'd be like 'OMG! I thought that was for druggie ravers?'. It's like why can't I like things without looking the part. To me it just seems that when I look at other people.... when they look the part.. they stick to it. A guy in one of my classes dresses like a wannabe rapper, and I hear he listening to Eminem all the time. This is probably TL;DR for most people but I don't get why people are so 1 dimensional. I pride myself on liking a plethora (hehe yeah plethora) of different things, but when I tell people somethings I like.. they're always like, 'you don't seeem like the type'. oye vey.
Humans categorize. In fact your whole post is littered with generalizations etc. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you aren't doing it in a prejudice or racist type fashion. Point being what's wrong if someone responds they thought trance is for druggy ravers, just say what you just said, in a confident manner, reply, "Well i'm a very versatile man."
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 06:04 PM
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That's what I dislike about our generation. Everybody is just following the crowd, it's like individuality doesn't even exist anymore.
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 07:44 PM
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I keep trying to figure out why I don't usually fit in anymore. It's because I don't like how you can guess how people will act before you know anything about them. At my college for instance.. almost all guys wear hats and try to be college stylish. There's nothing really wrong with that, but I wonder if that's what they really want to dress like, or if they're worried they won't blend well. My thing is that a long time ago I said I wasn't going to do what everyone else was doing. If I didn't want to do something, I just wouldn't. I look around when I'm out and I just know how people are going to act. It's like they're all following a book with predetermined rules. I know most people do it because they are looking for a place to fit in, but geez why does it have to be everybody! If you were to see me, you would think I was a normal dude, but then If I said I liked listening to trance you'd be like 'OMG! I thought that was for druggie ravers?'. It's like why can't I like things without looking the part. To me it just seems that when I look at other people.... when they look the part.. they stick to it. A guy in one of my classes dresses like a wannabe rapper, and I hear he listening to Eminem all the time. This is probably TL;DR for most people but I don't get why people are so 1 dimensional. I pride myself on liking a plethora (hehe yeah plethora) of different things, but when I tell people somethings I like.. they're always like, 'you don't seeem like the type'. oye vey.

herd mentality, they just do it to "fit in"
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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 07:48 PM
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I think it's more a result of the classical "existential" crisis of identity, that lacking a central authority to confer identity, role, establish culture, people look to labels and categories to define themselves, or to define themselves against. I think the better answer is to set aside some well defined sense of self, and just live.. you can call it no-self, say that the do-er is an artificial extension of the act, or argue that identity should be more about questions than answers, the point is the same..
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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 07:56 PM
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That's what I dislike about our generation. Everybody is just following the crowd, it's like individuality doesn't even exist anymore.
Haha and you think other generations were any less of conformists than we are now? As human beings we've always followed the crowd, it's how we survive.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
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post #16 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 07:59 PM
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Well you're right, a lot of people conform against who they really are. I mean it's probably safe to say that EVERYONE conforms to at least some social norms.

But what is more annoying that conformists are people who intentionally find ways to be non-conforming and act like they're above conformists.

But since you said that you're naturally different, then I guess you win.
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post #17 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 09:43 PM
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I don't care about stylish fads. If people want to follow that stuff whatever. I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt right now, in a cozy apartment, wasting my time on a laptop. How is that being an individualist? The answer is it's not.

I have a bigger problem with the lack of integrity in society. There are far too many mindless minions in this world.
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post #18 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 09:46 PM
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Perhaps focusing too much on not being conformist is actually making you a conformist of the nonconformist ideology.
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post #19 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 09:50 PM
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No it wasn't too long to me at all... It was actually very interesting and true to me!

That's one of the reasons I dropped out of high school actually, everyone seemed so fake! I didn't feel the need to socialize or make friends with any of them...

I'm a lot like OP I think.
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post #20 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 11:06 PM Thread Starter
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Wow I started this thread last January. Someone bumped it. It's still true for me. It's built into me. I can't help getting annoyed when I walk around my campus and see the guys with their flat bill hats say "YOOO a hahaha" and the ****ty girls acting more outgoing just for the sake of looking like they're outgoing.

I get that everyone conforms in some way or another. I guess for most people they do it just to fit in. They want to be part of something. I just wish it didn't bug me so much.

I might have been born at night, but it wasn't last night.. don't try it suckA!
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