Ever Explode Into a Rage and Totally Blow it ? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-10-2019, 11:19 AM
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It happened at my last job that made me crazy stressed and depressed. My boss said to me "you dont do anything all day except look at your phone"...I ****in lost it. Stupid twunt.


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post #22 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-10-2019, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I don't express it very often in real life, but I'm very angry often.
Yea, I have real anger issues, like when some people wish i was a sex slave for men, it makes me angry. A lot of my anger comes from not having a partner, though. That would solve a lot hehe
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post #23 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-10-2019, 08:52 PM
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Yes ugh, I noticed each time I try to last longer without combusting but it's hard to hold it all in sometimes...

I don't wanna exist
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post #24 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-10-2019, 09:33 PM
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There have been a few times, but they've usually only just made me feel like I was only being over-dramatic and trying too hard for a reaction, afterwards. I flipped a wooden table that used to be in my room and thrown a bunch of stuff and have tried to act possessed after I got in an argument with my mom, scratching the walls and staring like I had a psychotic episode but it only looked like a very over-played, embarrassingly bad act looking back on it now. lol

If anything, I'm concerned that I have been too unemotional most of the time, like I could watch my house burning in front of me and that I would just stare blankly. I feel I've had so much deadly calm that it kind of worries me. Perhaps it is because of how much I bottle inside, but it's like I really don't know how to give any reaction at all, to anything, sometimes.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


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post #25 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-10-2019, 10:11 PM
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People can frustrate the hell outta me. I don't recall the last time I went into a full-blown rage, though.

I have stages I go through. Generally, I will get quiet and withdraw if I'm irritated, then I get intense (not fuming, just focused and intense), and after that I can blow a fuse depending on the reaction I get from the person.

I'd say 95% of the time, the situation deescalates in the 'intense' phase.

The world is not my home. I'm just passing through.
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post #26 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-12-2019, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by AffinityWing View Post
scratching the walls and staring like I had a psychotic episode but it only looked like a very over-played, embarrassingly bad act looking back on it now. lol
performance anger... interesting indeed. i definitely could see myself doing similar things. there is certainly a drama aspect to all this.
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post #27 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 11:33 AM
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performance anger... interesting indeed. i definitely could see myself doing similar things. there is certainly a drama aspect to all this.
Is that what it's called?

I've never thought of myself as doing it to get attention, pity, or anything but more as like an experimentation/attempt to reach that kind of extreme of emotion, so that I could cope better with the amount of negative emotions I already had. With the table flipping, I was inspired to try it by a user's post here that I had across who said they had ended up breaking their computer in anger and felt alot better from it afterwards. Unfortunately I only felt guilt and shame after I messed up my room like that, and the getting yelled at and being called crazy only made me feel worse.

There have been alot of times where I could have been pushed to such extreme emotions, especially since my household used to be extremely dysfunctional due to my mother and bother having really bad anger management problems, but I can only recall a few times where I truly experienced it. It doesn't feel as bad now, but I still feel like I can't express anger specifically very well. My brother would punch and kick holes in our walls, has physically assaulted me a few times, my mother would sometimes scream until her face was red and voice cracked, but I only shouted back as a defense mechanism. A part of me felt abnormal that I couldn't express my anger like they were, that made me feel I was too calm/emotionally absent in comparison, to put it that way.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


Mili
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post #28 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-15-2019, 08:55 AM
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Originally Posted by AffinityWing View Post
Is that what it's called?
i don't know that it's an existing term, no.

i remember from childhood , there were moments where i was angry or very sad, and simultaenously , i had thoughts going around in my head , like, how interesting it is that even while being in severe affect, i still care about stuff like sitting comfortably, and at the other end of the spectrum (more like a different spectrum), i care about "performing" a certain way so that myself or others fully understand the weight of my affect, etc.

i think it's related to phenomena such as when you're having a shouting match with someone, and you mispronounce a word (or hell, could be that one of the parties in the fight has to fart or sneeze, ya know) - it instantly changes the emotional climate in that room and you have to sort of "perform" to stay on track and not start laughing, or whatever.

and if you e.g throw an object into a wall or break a vase, as soon as it's done, your anger has manifested in the physical world, like flipping a switch - *click*.
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