Even making progress is making me depressed.
Today at work they randomly asked me to train two future managers in a specific job. Mind you I'm not a manager, I'm not a trainer, I'm just a regular worker.
They chose me because I do that specific job the best, I didn't ask or want to train anyone. Anyway they just threw me in to train people without any warning.
I've trained people before, but not higher ups. I was specially nervous because the managers at work tend to be social butterflies.
Anyways. I got throughout it. I wasn't very anxious, but my terrible social skills definitely showed. My voice is naturally low so they had a hard time hearing me. I had a hard time explaining things well. I felt like I was running out of breath everytime I went into detail to explain something.
Things went well (from the perspective of a person with SA), but I feel like a failure. I feel like I didn't do a good job because of my ****ty social skills, and low confidence.
I'm really anxious of going back in to work tomorrow. I feel like they will think "oh there's that loser who can't speak to save his life. "
I've improved a lot over the past few years, but I feel like I will always have a quiet voice, no confidence, and will always run out of things to say.