endless - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-18-2019, 01:19 AM Thread Starter
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endless


Just found this website and thought it might help to vent a little...

At 14 my psychiatrist diagnosed me with clinical depression and social anxiety and more recently bpd. Before that I knew nothing about mental health so it initially came as a surprise. Ever since then I've frequently been seeing a counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist, taking antidepressants daily. I'm 17 now and my hyperawareness, self criticism and loneliness have worsened, leading me to points of suicidality, desperate for an end. My counsellor/psychologist are the only people who genuinely understand and listen which I'm so very grateful for. And honestly, they've played a big part in reminding me to hold on. But everyday drains me as I'm always masking my low to prevent myself from looking lonely. It shocks me that I'm still liked by others when I seem so disconnected. My head feels heavy and empty all the time and it never goes away. I just want all of this to end..
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 12:45 AM
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Originally Posted by gabedf View Post
Just found this website and thought it might help to vent a little...

At 14 my psychiatrist diagnosed me with clinical depression and social anxiety and more recently bpd. Before that I knew nothing about mental health so it initially came as a surprise. Ever since then I've frequently been seeing a counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist, taking antidepressants daily. I'm 17 now and my hyperawareness, self criticism and loneliness have worsened, leading me to points of suicidality, desperate for an end. My counsellor/psychologist are the only people who genuinely understand and listen which I'm so very grateful for. And honestly, they've played a big part in reminding me to hold on. But everyday drains me as I'm always masking my low to prevent myself from looking lonely. It shocks me that I'm still liked by others when I seem so disconnected. My head feels heavy and empty all the time and it never goes away. I just want all of this to end..
I have had depression anxiety and social anxiety and psychiatrists therapists, I guess I would just say, don't DEPEND on those people too much. I very rarely see any of them anymore. It is fine to have the support but you need to sometimes handle things on your own and work some things out yourself. Life sucks, you can also be your own worst enemy and overthink things, but any human being could be accused of that. You are so young that you have tons of time to figure things out. I was where you have been i was in a nuthouse at age 19, and dated some gorgeous women and went to over 900 pro sports games, my luck seems to have run out in my social life a long time ago, but my point is, if I can do it, based on where I was, you can too. I also have the problem of being disconnected. In a way, who cares, the world is so screwed up on so many levels who wants to be connected anyway, or focused on anything anyway you know. There is peace in loneliness, and torment. I have been alone now for a long time, but with people, there is a price to pay, arguments always pop up with people, in some ways you are side-stepping drama by being alone
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