Social Anxiety Forum

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-   -   Don't you hate it when people ignore you in PM's? (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/dont-you-hate-it-when-people-ignore-you-in-pms-2221567/)

lily 03-17-2019 11:53 PM

Don't you hate it when people ignore you in PM's?
 
I find it rude but then I know I have to be understanding that they probably are too anxious to reply to me or else they think something wrong of me and don't tell me and then I have no say in return. it's just not a nice feeling. I'll get over it. I'm just feeling bored now.

andy1984 03-18-2019 12:24 AM

on here? I don't send them. I don't receive any usually. I have ignored a few. usually, no interest in chatting one on one with ppl here.

SplendidBob 03-18-2019 12:26 AM

Would ignore most pm's these days. Don't have the energy for them.

harrison 03-18-2019 12:28 AM

Yes that would upset me a bit. Doesn't take much to write a few lines.

(not being rude OP but if someone has you on ignore they might not have gotten the PM - I do that quite a lot. Sometimes just because I'm not feeling well and don't want to see certain posts etc)

lily 03-18-2019 12:29 AM

it's not relatable to me then bc i love social chat/talk. do you have no interest or do you just have anxiety?

Blue Dino 03-18-2019 12:51 AM

I don't even remember the last time I got a PM. Honestly I don't really care for them. Mostly just browse the forum instead. Since the functions here are now a mess anyways.

Zatch 03-18-2019 01:04 AM

No, since it's entirely up to them to carry on conversation. Forcing it has its merits with getting to know each other but in general it's tedious and sometimes downright agonizing.

If someone does that I wouldn't choose to prod unless it was a pretty deep discussion about something that ended abruptly. It's increasingly common that people think they replied but actually did not.

lily 03-18-2019 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zatch (Post 1093657321)
No, since it's entirely up to them to carry on conversation. Forcing it has its merits with getting to know each other but in general it's tedious and sometimes downright agonizing.

If someone does that I wouldn't choose to prod unless it was a pretty deep discussion about something that ended abruptly. It's increasingly common that people think they replied but actually did not.

it's entirely up to them to carry on conversation but can't they at least say they don't feel comfortable and end it that way is the question. but then again, I should be more understanding that it's probably their anxiety that they cannot even say so.

roxslide 03-18-2019 01:11 AM

Not really.

I think the only time I got a little annoyed, someone wanted to do an art trade me and then flaked out after I took them up on their offer. It's not really about them I just got excited and then got disappointed and confused when they never responded. I wasn't sure if I should start on my side of the trade or not. Turns out I was right since it's been years since then.

I rarely send PMs though. Usually I send a VM if I want to start a convo. I rarely have anything to say that requires the privacy or length of a PM.

Karsten 03-18-2019 03:29 AM

Nah. I mean I seldom send out PMs tbh, but if they are ever unanswered, I just assume Ive overstepped a boundary.

Suchness 03-18-2019 04:06 AM

Nah, life goes on.

rabidfoxes 03-18-2019 04:21 AM

There was one time when I put considerable effort into a Christmas card (when we did the secret santa exchange here) and never received so much as a 'thanks', so I wasn't even sure it was received. Then again, I received some amazing cards from people that time and didn't have the capacity to give back more than a 'thanks', so I felt a bit bad about that.

I'm fine with delays. I sometimes can take months to respond. Messaging/emails/texts can be a bit demanding sometimes and it's nice to know you can switch off when you need to. I've got some friends from whom I hear every 4 months or so, and that's fine. I always respond in the end, though. When somebody doesn't respond at all, it's a bit sad. I try to understand that people have busy lives and a lot of them prefer face-to-face interactions (why oh why?).

3stacks 03-18-2019 04:27 AM

I never get any at all so when I do I dont ignore them lol. I don't mind if people ignore because I say some stupid stuff sometimes haha

harrison 03-18-2019 04:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3stacks (Post 1093657467)
I never get any at all so when I do I dont ignore them lol. I don't mind if people ignore because I say some stupid stuff sometimes haha

Okay I'm sending one now so you better not ignore it or I'll get upset.

Persephone The Dread 03-18-2019 08:56 AM

I very rarely have pm'd anyone first. A few people have ignored my response to them but it didn't really bother me, I've ignored far more people.

Cool Ice Dude55 03-18-2019 12:26 PM

I don't get PM's*sniff*.But yeah that would upset me too.

Reverie101 03-18-2019 12:38 PM

no not at all. But ignored texts especially when i write alot annoys me.

tehuti88 03-18-2019 01:51 PM

I put the purple part in my signature because my anxiety really IS that bad that I can't seem to keep up one-on-one/private communication for long, if at all. Even with my one online friend, whom I've known for over a decade and have actually met in person twice, I take months to reply to her.

Then when the purple part of my sig wasn't enough to keep people from getting offended, I just turned my PMs off completely. I can't deal with the stress.

Now I'm getting the same way with VMs. (Sorry to all the people I never replied to. :sigh )


Quote:

Originally Posted by lily (Post 1093657295)
it's not relatable to me then bc i love social chat/talk. do you have no interest or do you just have anxiety?

In my case, mostly it's the anxiety. I used to be really chatty and sociable in person AND online, but I had lots...LOTS...of really bad experiences socializing with others in both environments (ironically, I was most often criticized about how chatty I was)...so I've grown terrified of communicating with people. People criticizing my chattiness was the main reason I developed SA in the first place. When it's one on one, so half the burden of the conversation is on me, it's even worse than posting on a forum where it's kind of "Meh" if somebody replies or not. I learned the hard way that socializing with others hurts. So it's not that the interest isn't there, it's just that I'm too scared/discouraged.

And to be honest, I'm not into smalltalk, which is what most people seem to mean when they say they want to chat. I honestly have nothing to share about what I'm up to or what's going on because I have no life.

I do have particular interests I'd love to chat about at length, but nobody else is into them, so... :stu I'd rather not make somebody's eyes glaze over. So...I don't really have anything to talk about with most people.

WillYouStopDave 03-18-2019 02:16 PM

Well, it's understandable that some people might take it personally but I wouldn't. This is a social anxiety forum, after all and there are also some people here who have other issues that might be hard for others to translate. They really might not mean any offense. It's possible to be rude without meaning to (or knowing it is probably more likely around here).

At any rate, if you initiate a PM you pretty much just have to deal with it if the person isn't into it.

BeautyandRage 03-18-2019 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cool Ice Dude55 (Post 1093657857)
I don't get PM's*sniff*.But yeah that would upset me too.

:squeeze

Well yeah, youíre on a social anxiety forum, itís hard for us to be social. I frequently ignore people on here because itís too much energy, but now I kinda want to be a little more social but Itís hard.


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