Don't understand how people my age are so successful - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 05:41 AM Thread Starter
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Don't understand how people my age are so successful


People who I went to school with are doing very well. They have stable careers, some have moved to London, some even have children and houses. I have nothing. I still live in the same area I grew up in. Some of them did badly on their GCSEs (high school qualifications in the UK). How is everyone so successful and I'm not? I just don't get it. I'm tired of being me.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 06:19 AM
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Could you tell us a little more about your situation? You still have the time to make things better for yourself

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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 06:20 AM Thread Starter
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Could you tell us a little more about your situation? You still have the time to make things better for yourself

Unemployed with advanced degrees. No friends since 2012 (that's when everyone moved on with their lives). Everything comes so easily to others.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 06:26 AM
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Do these "everyones" have SAD too?
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-27-2020, 08:36 AM
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i know how you feel, all my high school friends are all in successful careers and are married with kids, i on the other hand still live with my parents, always have done. also due to social anxiety and depression i lost all my friends. none of my so called friends invited me to their weddings.....that hurt.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-30-2020, 04:40 AM
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All I can say is I feel the same... no house, no relationship, no kids.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-30-2020, 05:59 PM
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It's probably just because they're good bull****ters. They were just born with the gift of gab and therefore can network and therefore can succeed.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 06:01 PM
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It's probably just because they're good bull****ters. They were just born with the gift of gab and therefore can network and therefore can succeed.
Yeah, who would've thought that social skills are more conducive to success than oh idk, actually working hard and getting good grades? I'm exaggerating a bit here of course, but there is indeed a bit of truth behind every lie, as they say.

Anyway, yeah, I know what you mean. Honestly, depression and anxiety (and mental health issues in general) play an ENORMOUS role in how your life trajectory goes. It's not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you. Things happened, they affect you and how you think about yourself, others and the world... and it just ends up cascading into this spiral downwards where you feel like everything is slipping out of your control. Least, that's what it was like for me anyway. It was a gradual thing. I know i've been depressed for a while, but it didn't get this bad until about 3-4 years ago.

Honestly, and I know this gets repeated a trillion times, but don't compare yourself to others. Most people don't really know what it's like to be depressed. They were fortunate enough to be relatively ok mental-health wise, and that gives them a pretty big advantage in society, like making friends, dating, getting a good career, whatever it is. None of this is your fault. Sure, all of us could have tried harder at life, but I'm sure we did the best we could given our circumstances and capabilities.

Sending my love and support to you. <3 Hang in there, because a lot of us are going through the same thing.
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 09:47 AM
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Yeah, who would've thought that social skills are more conducive to success than oh idk, actually working hard and getting good grades? I'm exaggerating a bit here of course, but there is indeed a bit of truth behind every lie, as they say.

Anyway, yeah, I know what you mean. Honestly, depression and anxiety (and mental health issues in general) play an ENORMOUS role in how your life trajectory goes. It's not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you. Things happened, they affect you and how you think about yourself, others and the world... and it just ends up cascading into this spiral downwards where you feel like everything is slipping out of your control. Least, that's what it was like for me anyway. It was a gradual thing. I know i've been depressed for a while, but it didn't get this bad until about 3-4 years ago.

Honestly, and I know this gets repeated a trillion times, but don't compare yourself to others. Most people don't really know what it's like to be depressed. They were fortunate enough to be relatively ok mental-health wise, and that gives them a pretty big advantage in society, like making friends, dating, getting a good career, whatever it is. None of this is your fault. Sure, all of us could have tried harder at life, but I'm sure we did the best we could given our circumstances and capabilities.

Sending my love and support to you. <3 Hang in there, because a lot of us are going through the same thing.

You're right, if you're born with just a nominal amount of intelligence and basic ability to communicate and a lack of major health issues including mental illness, you can achieve a lot. People like us have an enormous weight we need to carry around with us everywhere we go which impedes our progress. The absence of health issues is an important factor in determining your long term overall success in this society. Most people don't get that though, they just think they're "achievers" and everyone else is a loser.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 09:57 AM
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Honestly, and I know this gets repeated a trillion times, but don't compare yourself to others. .

No, just dont do this, its silly and achieves fck all. Anyway, maybe they aint doing as well as they seem to be?

**** your feelings !!


SFC
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 10:02 AM
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sometimes I wonder if anyone I went to high school with killed themselves. I dont know any of them so no idea.

I was worrying about a mistake I made the other day but then I read about a child molester who was fighting in the court to have his name suppressed. lol. that makes me feel better about my mistake.

I wonder if anyone I went to high school with became a child molester?

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 02:03 PM
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People who I went to school with are doing very well. They have stable careers, some have moved to London, some even have children and houses. I have nothing. I still live in the same area I grew up in. Some of them did badly on their GCSEs (high school qualifications in the UK). How is everyone so successful and I'm not? I just don't get it. I'm tired of being me.
Some people will be sucessful, some not. Some people are born with intelligence some are not. Some are born anxious and some are not.

I feel like you are comparing in a worst possible circumstance. If you are socially anxious of course that will impede in job opportunities. If your friends had social anxiety they would be in the same spot.
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 02:12 PM
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We're inclined to only focus on the successful, plenty fall under the radar with who knows what kind of problems.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 02:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brianlee99 View Post
Honestly, and I know this gets repeated a trillion times, but don't compare yourself to others.


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Originally Posted by D'avjo View Post
No, just dont do this, its silly and achieves fck all. Anyway, maybe they aint doing as well as they seem to be?

So hard no to though, it's something I do all the time.


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Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
sometimes I wonder if anyone I went to high school with killed themselves. I dont know any of them so no idea.

I know of one guy who did - it was terrible, his parents found him and everything. 'Course all the degenerates at my school made fun of the whole thing and would laugh about it.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 02:51 PM
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Luck can turn on a dime, as long as you don't give up seeking opportunities for it to happen. It may mean a lot of lonely and painful days and nights, many failures, but all it takes is a chance.

You have advanced degrees! You're successful. Not in every area of your life, as it seems, but it's a huge advantage and accomplishment.
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-05-2020, 05:13 PM
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So hard no to though, it's something I do all the time.

I know of one guy who did - it was terrible, his parents found him and everything. 'Course all the degenerates at my school made fun of the whole thing and would laugh about it.
It's an instinctive thing. We want to be happy. We see other people being happy, and we want that for ourselves. It's only natural... But it doesn't really help because we end up just feeling bad about ourselves.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 04:19 PM
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I blame social media for enhancing this type of mentality, from both ends. Nobody has a pitch-perfect life but it tends to portray as that since we can be selective on what we show. But I understand this as well, and at times I question on whether if it's worth what I 'can' do (has been happening more so lately, actually.) The only answer I can sadly say is to numb and tune it out when possible.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 04:34 PM
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An idiot with good social skills can help pull together a team of smarter people to solve any problem. The world's smartest genius without social skills can't be an effective part of a successful team. Is it any wonder companies would rather hire the former to join their team?

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"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'" ― Kurt Vonnegut
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 06:12 PM
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People with sad or both low self esteem are driven to compare themselves to others. Playing the comparison game is natural though it can exacerbate feelings of an unstable sense of self. You at least completed your education that is an accomplishment and something to be proud of as cliche as it sounds. I didnt finish university because i dont have confidence in my mental functioning such as thoughts, decisions, and responsibilities.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and than success is sure," Mark Twain

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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 09:16 PM
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Sounds like a case of the illness called using social media.


But seriously, there are so many studies pointing out the harmful effects of those sites of people's mental health, so why bother using them?


If there's someone you actually want to keep in touch then just get their number or something, what is the point of seeing what often embellished vision of their life they post?


Live for yourself, if you're satisfied with what you have then great, if you're not then try to change what you feel is lacking, if you can't then work on accepting it and moving on.


None of those options are helped by social media.
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