Don't know what to do with my life - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 325 (permalink) Old 12-30-2010, 12:19 PM
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I can relate to everybodys post..all I ever do is stay home in my room all day I try to avoid people as much as I can I even eat in my room sometimes I hate being this way I wish as more outgoing an talkative. Whenever people talk to me they can never really understand me because I'm soo worried what they're thinking of me that sometimes words mix up and what I wanna say dosent come out right or my voice is to low. I'm soo shy also I've always been shy and quiet people say I'm way to quiet and that I need to talk more..I hate that I just wish people would understand me..I recently got a job as a hostess in a resturant and I hated a lot I only did it so that I can feel like I'm doing something but its not working I can never maintain a job becuz of my worries of embaressing myself and my shyness arouund people..my boyfriend is amazing but we r opposites when it comes to people he's confident loud and clear he saids I need to get out of my room more and stuff..no one understands this unless they have it too.
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post #42 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 06:20 AM
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I'm feeling exactly how everyone else is feeling. I went to college for 3 years and now I'm "taking some time off" cause I haven't been able to find that one thing I love to do or even want to major in. In all reality I probably won't go back cause I just can't find anything I'm really passionate about. I live with my dad who keeps telling me I'm lazy and won't ever get a degree which I deny because I can't tell him he's right. I just have no motivation to go out. I stay at home and hide from everyone all the time. I just got a part time job in retail and I can't stand it because I know I'm not personable and I just don't like interacting with so many people on a daily basis. I just wish I didn't have to worry about money so I could stay in my house all the time.
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post #43 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 08:15 AM
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I feel the same way. I just don't get social connections and why people want to socialize or what they get out of it. It just doesn't click with me. I don't get it. And it concerns me because Ted Bundy was the same way. He said he hit a wall and he no longer could understand social interactions.
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post #44 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 03:07 PM
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I'm feeling exactly how everyone else is feeling. I went to college for 3 years and now I'm "taking some time off" cause I haven't been able to find that one thing I love to do or even want to major in. In all reality I probably won't go back cause I just can't find anything I'm really passionate about. I live with my dad who keeps telling me I'm lazy and won't ever get a degree which I deny because I can't tell him he's right. I just have no motivation to go out. I stay at home and hide from everyone all the time. I just got a part time job in retail and I can't stand it because I know I'm not personable and I just don't like interacting with so many people on a daily basis. I just wish I didn't have to worry about money so I could stay in my house all the time.
how extreme is your dad mine is like everything that happends he'll say its because you'r lazy and sleep alot . really with EVERYTHING the cause will be my lazieness and alot of sleeping , even in the weekends never getting some space thats one of the reasons i want my own place.

yelled at daily will make you go crazy and hating yourself
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post #45 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-08-2011, 11:28 PM
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I've been told something by my parents my whole life that never made sense to me. That Jesus fills the void. It never made any sense. In fact God doesn't make sense, let alone that he has a Son, which also made no sense. So as a result, I've lived the last many years believing that I don't know what's true, and that it's all chaos. Because that's what it feels like.

At this point in my life, at 27, I am still unsure of what is true. But I do know one thing. There is a severe void inside my heart. A staggering, empty chasm. And it demands to be filled with something. That is what every single person on this planet is doing. Filling it with something. People don't think they're talented, they develop a view of themselves that's horrible, and that they have no meaning. So they involve themselves in things to numb the pain like drugs, alcohol, porn, or even resort to suicide.

Others have lots of talent. And in fact they seem to find peace, serenity, and joy about it. I think what those kinds of people have is faith. They've seen that they can accomplish things, and instills this faith inside, and this faith is what drives them to do everything. What's more, the more faith they have in one thing, they wonder why they can't have it in another. And this is where they summon the strength. The ironic thing is about some of these people is that they're succeeding also at distracting themselves. Distracting themselves from the reality that it's all going to end. That no matter what careers they reach, what goals they reach, what amazing feats they complete, if there is no God, no reality beyond life, and no existence that has deep meaning, then this life is simply pointless.

I'm beginning to wonder what it is about Christ that gives people such joy and hope. Because they believe so adamantly that Jesus, and what he did, is of such significance and such beauty, that it's an example so powerful that it is the ultimate source of strength for people. The idea that they don't have to fear death because Jesus will give them life. The idea that they don't have to fear God's punishment because Jesus paid the price of damnation. The idea that they don't have to feel pointless because Jesus promises a grand meaning for them that will blow their minds.

So the first question I have is if what they say about Jesus did in fact historically happen, which is what I'm trying to find out, then it's of more importance than anything can be. The only question that plagued my mind was that if Jesus is required to be saved, why wouldn't God make it more plain to people through some kind of miraculous thing? Well if this man's story is true, then perhaps he is doing something to help people. I hope you'll watch this special. It brought me to tears. It will play as one big playlist.

http://www.youtube.com/dogeymon83#p/f/6/b9f2n0xPZ3k

The reason I am here on this site today is because when I woke up, I thought to myself, aah I can sleep a little more, even though it was already late in the day. Then another thought came into my head, I had seen a video on facebook of a few of my friends that i had not talked to in a long while, who had taken a trip somewhere together and they arent much older than me and i thought wow, they are independent and having so much fun. Then I realized how pathetic my life is to me. I realized that i do nothing but go to work and back to my room, and church that one special day of the week and back to my room. Today i thought i would look to see if anyone feels this deadness that i do and i found this site, and i am glad that, at least i am not the only one that feels this way.

I am 19, this my first year in college, and i am working in a retail store. I can relate to what everyone is saying. I don't live anymore, I'm just there. I am a christian and I visit a church regularly and I am happy in church but it's only one day of the week. If it wasn't for my church, I would be much like one person said, I would have had whole months of just blankness and I wouldn't remember anything because of this constant routine.

I am not here to promote the church, I know that a lot of people are like "oh here we go again..." No. I'm just like everyone else, I have no idea what I want to do and I'm scared. I feel like everything is worthless. For example, once I get my degree in whatever and I work behind a desk or something for a very long time... Then what?? Sit on a buncha cash and try to figure out how to spend it? It seems like this is what this world wants me to think but I have had quite a lot of time to think and I know that that would not make me happy in the end.

I have been told by many people that I am pretty good looking guy, and I like to think that I am smart because I have never failed or dropped a class and, i dont drink or smoke and yet i cant find friends that i can truly be real with. I find that everyone around me is fake. And i really want a girlfriend but everytime a girl likes me, i realize its not because of who i am but because of what i look like. I end being hurt because i am boring or "too perfect" or i end up hurting a girl. I never want to hurt anyone because i have been there and i dont want to cause that to anyone ( in other words i refused to be a player) and this has made me so shy, i find it very hard to talk to girls, especially ones that i like.

When i read through all the posts, the one that i quoted i related to the most, because i sort of grew up in christian home and i was saved from a lot of things, including doing drugs. I hope i didnt get off topic, but the video dogeymon posted kinda got me. I watched the whole thing. It wasnt like i got a complete understanding of what i want to do but it clarified a few things in my walk with God.

Here is what i concluded, society tells us to become these takers, and never give, society tells us to be the big bosses and make a load of money and drive nice cars and have huge houses and think only about yourself. And all of this, is to hide the truth, because if you believe this then you are feeding all the other greedy people. This life isnt only about us. If we live a life in which all we care about is ourselves then we will always be miserable. This is the reason why marriages go wrong, because one of the partners says, well what about me? and the other says, well what about me? and what about their kid. who is gonna take care of the poor kid that the parents dont want to put effort in raising because its all about them? they just want to have fun like everyone else... It's not all about us, the sooner we start loving other people more than ourselves (which is the opposite of what everyone, aka society, tells us to do), the sooner we start living.

I hope i helped someone and that someone feels the same way i do
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post #46 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-09-2011, 05:56 AM
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Wow, it's like I wrote this entire thread. My situation's completely hopeless. Don't know who I am, don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I've convinced myself that I could only be happy if I were doing something creative, but I just space out whenever I sit down to write/draw/whatever, and even if I could, I'm not sure how I could make a living at any of that. Time's ticking away, I'm afraid I'll just be like this forever, getting older and older and more disconnected, watching the years pass by at an alarming rate. My parents are disappointed in me and my lack of direction, which is a soul-crushing feeling. I'm filled with shame and just lay around watching TV all the time. Even the worthless activities that used to interest me like video games don't anymore. It sounds like a cliche, but I honestly wish I had never been born. I'm living in hell and I don't think it will ever end.

It's amazing how there seems to be a whole underclass of people like us and it never seem to get brought up in mainstream society, other than calling us losers. We should form a commune or something.
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post #47 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-09-2011, 06:03 AM
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It's amazing how there seems to be a whole underclass of people like us and it never seem to get brought up in mainstream society, other than calling us losers. We should form a commune or something.
I would gladly join such a commune.
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post #48 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-09-2011, 07:12 AM
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I'm surprised i'm not alone in this...lol. I feel the same way, i'm in college and i don't have passion to finish it anymore, i'm too lazy to open textbook, i just don't care, i look like a lifeless soul everyday, always going through motions, blah.
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post #49 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 07:19 PM
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It's been 7 months and this thread is still going strong. I work as a closed-captioning editor, which allows me to pay the bills without ever having to interact with anybody besides my boss when something isn't working right. I work in an office with a bunch of other people who are more social than me, but we're all wearing our headphones and doing our own thing most of the time, watching TV and typing away.

However I've moved from full-time work to part-time a bit over a year ago because I don't really enjoy doing this (I'm not a TV watcher) and wanted to have more time for myself to try and figure out what I wanted to do when I grow up, which I've already spent more than 20 years doing! Actually, I'd like to be paid to play and have fun, and to do things that fulfill my life.

I like playing music and singing, writing (but not creative fictional stuff), searching for information, and traveling. I've been traveling solo for 2 to 4 weeks every year since 2004, mostly in Latin America. But I find day-to-day life immensely boring, whether I interact with people or not, and I keep on wondering why I'm here and where/how I'm supposed to fit in all this. I hope to find an answer soon.
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post #50 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 07:43 PM
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I'm surprised i'm not alone in this...lol. I feel the same way, i'm in college and i don't have passion to finish it anymore, i'm too lazy to open textbook, i just don't care, i look like a lifeless soul everyday, always going through motions, blah.
I could have wrote this myself if I had any thought process left in me.
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post #51 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 08:26 PM
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Angry

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm 20 years old, and have done nothing but sit in my room alone for the past 4 years since I've left school.

I have severe OCD as well as anxiety.

I smoked weed and drank heavily on a daily basis up until recently.

I have never had a job, nor am I able to get one for various reasons.

I feel so low I can't leave the house.

I've lost all my friends due to my drug use and aggressive behaviour while drunk.

The girl I am in love with insists on sleeping with everyone with a penis in the country except for me, AND THEN INSISTS ON TELLING ME ABOUT IT.

I have recently started therapy and it is doing nothing for me except making me regret tell some stranger all my secrets.

I am an emotional and financial burdon on my family.

I am bitter, angry and I want revenge on anyone that's ever wronged me.

The only things I enjoyed doing were reading, playing the drums and seeing friends all of which I can't do now because of problems with my eyes, arthritis, and I don't have any anymore.

I stare out the window at planes and am jealous of every single passenger aboard and just wish I could trade places with them. I don't know what I want to do, but I need to get out of here soon, or something terrible will happen. But can I ever have a fresh start? I will always be me no matter where I go. I wish I could feel happy, or at least not feel suicidal all day. RANT OVER
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post #52 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-17-2011, 01:31 PM
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I am 20 years old. Live in Estonia. I also have OCD, some of rules drive me crazy. I thought of getting a green card and going to USA. I don't like doing anything at all and i don't care either. For example i have this thursday exam, but i don't care about it, because i'm gonna drop out of college anyway. Today i just watched 3 movies, only thing that matters in my stupid life. Also i have no friends, i know about 150 people in facebook (from schools i have attended) , but no friends. I have noone to talk to with even in msn, because noone understands me(i have like 10 people in msn but that doesn't matter). I never had a job and i think i wouldn't enjoy it much either . If i ever come to USA i would do something that don't matter like wash cars. Whats your opinion should i come to USA?
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post #53 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-24-2011, 07:35 AM
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I Understand


I'm with all of you:-( Don't know what to do with my life. Thing is, finances are good, I am happily married at 27, but I am alone at home all day... I have a very good qualification, but I can't find the motivation to do anything. Bed seems to be the best place. I want to do something with my life, but it seems to hard. EVERYTHING feels WAY TOO STRESSFUL :-(
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post #54 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-24-2011, 09:07 AM
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I clearly don't know what to do with my life. Seems I've spent most of it doing nothing other than growing old and ever more bitter.

2011 marks the 16th year since I've been out of school. Still no job, no GF, and no friends in real life. All I do is exist, doing little more than a rock that just sits there existing.
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post #55 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-24-2011, 01:05 PM
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I'm out of college and trying to make my job what it should be, but it isn't working. I go to "work" and do what they hire inexperienced teenagers to do because I don't have any clients. I don't even know if I want to do it anymore at all. The only reason I chose my career was because when I would meet with school counselors, we had to pick our major out of a list on a computer with our name and other info to get an appointment. I either didn't know what any of the other majors meant or they sounded boring, so I picked what I have, and it just stuck.

Meanwhile, I still live at home in this small town I hate with a boiling passion. I don't know what I want for a career or what I would do if this one doesn't work out. I don't know if I'll move out anytime soon and live where I really want. I don't know so much and I hate getting up and feeling like sh*t every day because life is just getting me down.
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post #56 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-24-2011, 01:29 PM
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I don't know what to do with my life either and a lack of qualifications doesn't leave many options when it comes to a job. I have recently thought of three things I may like to study but I am worried they won't work out.
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post #57 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-24-2011, 04:31 PM
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This is my first time.....


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Yeah, I can relate to this. I just turned 26 and am still in college. I have one more class until I am done with my AA degree, but I have no freaking idea what I am going to get my BA in. I thought sociology because I feel disconnectedfrom society and would do a good job at analyzing how messed up we humans are. I have no interest or desire for any type of career so that is my main issue.

I work an okay job, but I cannot imagine working there for the rest of my life. As far as my personal life, I really don't have one. Besides classes, all I do is play video games and read. I sometimes date, but I can't manage to find anyone I can really relate to so I am to the point where I am thinking of giving up on that for a while. I am not depressed or anything, I just kind of live my life day by day and don't really accomplish much.

My main goals are to learn as much as I possibly can before I die, graduate college, and save a lot of money. Beyond that, I have no real motivation or goals in life. The funny thing is I would really like to date someone seriously, but when you don't have any friends, girls find that to be weird and a red flag for some serious problems. I don't feel like I do have problems like that, but extroverts view you as insane when ou are indifferent to human interaction. I experienced a lot of flack from girls in the past because of my introversion. What I need to do is meet a fellow friendless hermit like me to date. That way I won't be completely alone and I can have someone to share my time with that won't judge me.

Also I'd like to meet a girl that reads and actually has hobbies beyond getting drunk, going clubbing, and shopping. That would be nice. I am not the smartest guy and even I feel like Einstein compard to a lot of the people from my generation.


I get where you are coming from; I am thirty-one and in school. I'm finishing up my Bachlors in Social Work but I have paranoia and get tense when I'm around people. I have no idea what I want to do or if I can handle it. I had hobbies that I was passionate about but once I got in a serious relationship and had children my anxiety grew. What you think you want doesn't always turn out to be what is best. It takes everything in me to get to the next minute....
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post #58 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-25-2011, 07:16 PM
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So Confused


I stumbled upon this site, and after reading this entire thread I can completely relate.

As time keeps passing, I find myself treading the line of insanity and dread. Soon I will have to make a decision, and be pushed off into a world I want nothing to do with. The more I think about everything, the worse everything becomes. Why would I want to become a robot? I just really don't see the point... It's like all our society has become is just one never ending loop, generation after generation. The norm seems to be to get rich, get a good job, have kids and live in an amazing house in some city till your kids can start the same thing all over again. I don't want to be meaningless like that, but the more I try to push myself out of this corner the more it seems that I am.

I know I want to go to college or university and get a higher end degree, but I don't know what I want to do. There are a few fields in which I am interested in, by the prospect of taking extra courses and possibly upgrading scares me. Not to mention the consequences of choosing one of which I might not be able to finish or handle. I know I have to get a job, but every time I get myself to try my anxiety takes over and I lose all my willingness to interact with other people, usually staying quiet for days. I spend most of my time alone in my room reading, or watching TV. I find that I lose myself in Sci-Fi shows if only for the longing to leave this planet and explore other means of life. I have only one or two close friends and even then I find it hard to get myself to go out and see them, even when they themselves ask.

I want to do something import with my life, and have some sort of lasting 'legacy'. But getting there doesn't seem worth it to me, because I feel like I could never do it. Too many point of weakness, not to mention money. How can I expect someone to like me, or even want to date me if I am this self conscious?

I tend to be very defensive, and bottle all my emotions up. Personal family reasons force me to keep all this hidden for fear of hurting or worrying others. Most of my time is spend in my head dreaming or worrying constantly. A few people I have confided in have told me to go see a psychologist, but if anything doctors and psychologist scare me the most. I want to try and get help, but it's so hard.

I hope that everyone here will be able to face their fears and break through this. It's humbling to know there are others who have the same outlooks.
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post #59 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-25-2011, 09:00 PM
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post #60 of 325 (permalink) Old 01-26-2011, 12:21 AM
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Hello Everyone (waves),

I basically feel the same as everyone else, but for my entertainment and anyone who is reading this, i'll tell you how I've been feeling for the past year or so. =]

Because of a re-location, I've lost contact with basically all my friends. I stopped going to my new school because I hated it, so I cancelled out the last option I had to connect with any new people. SO i had only 2 years left of high school of which i've spent staying home everyday, and the occasional dating here and there. Life seemed pretty hopeful then, even though I was depressed, because I thought once I got my GED, and turned legal age to work without working papers n such that I would rocket into a new job with friends and have a blast. -_________- wrong.

My new job is a lousy retail job, lousy pay, and the people there are basically rotting there until they die, they have no plans on improving THEIR own living situation or anything. They are negative, and just not fun people I would like to be around.

So while this job took time off of me being super depressed of waking up and having nothing to do, I still feel hopeless. I do not plan on being here long at ALL, which leaves me to look for another lousy retail job (because I have no other experience) and apply to college. I basically do not have an idea of what I want to do career wise, and don't know what I want to choose as a major. I want to do so many respectable things (i.e doctor) but i'm afraid i will not be happy just going for a job that has stability instead of happiness. Also if i'm not happy, i'm nervous of getting terrible grades and ruining my whole college experience. and i basically do not want to end up as a big FAIL.

I hate that college degrees and the jobs they prep you for are so limited, and the respectable degrees and jobs that you get that make a six figure salary are even more limited. I don't want to waste years of my life forcing myself to do something and be miserable. I feel pressured and stressed for time. I'm only a teenager for 2 more years and then after that i will have no excuse for having an established career.

I have no friends, no career idea, no social life, and i'm losing a LOT of my confidence that I used to have.

I don't want to fail, but i do want to be happy.
Soon when i get acceptance letters, i'll have to choose which school and everything, and i'm also stressed about picking a degree and wasting the money for it because i won't want to do it anymore. grrrrr

what to do!? lol
i hate how reality weighs on you.
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