Doing things different: SA parent parenting little one - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 05:32 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Reverie101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Language: English
Gender: Female
Posts: 596
My Mood: Breezy

Doing things different: SA parent parenting little one


I wish there was a parenting subforum here. Before you ask, I am logged onto a lot of baby and expecting forums but my threads rarely get replies...so here I am.

My social anxiety isn't as pronounced as it used to be..but I do suffer from anxiety in general. I do hope my baby gets his dad's extroverted personality..so he can make friends.

Anywho, I think of many ways I can do things different for my child by learning from my parents.

* I really want to start a savings for my baby starting now, thinking of getting it to atleast 10k (if I put 100 away--should take 2yrs) and that money will be there for him at 18. To help him if he wants to move out, get his own car ect..

* on the emotional aspect. I always want to be open to my baby like if he needs to talk or just someone to talk to. I never felt like I could go to my parents, especially my dad. They aren't bad people but they just weren't open nor did they check in on me ask me how was work, school ect.. which made me feel alone. Also if something is noticeably wrong with my son, I'm just gonna ask (not wait) what's the matter... nor will my son be sitting in a damn room door closed day in and day out just zoned out.

I also want to have alot of heart to heart talks with him..that my parents didn't really have with me (sex ed, self esteem talks, perservering{sadness won't last forever},value of life..ect)

and then no sheltering him but letting him do a lot of things on his own and helping him be independent...

my only hang up is I have general anxiety and I just don't want him to see me not have it together. I always admire my mom or being strong and only saw her cry a handful of times.

---------------------

what would you do differently if you had a child with SA?

We are in a reverie/ And everything you thought you knew isn't what it seems/ Only truth will set you free/ And I would never lie to you
Reverie101 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 05:49 PM
SAS Member
 
wittyusernamehere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Britain
Language: English
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Posts: 87
My parents were not emotionally available or supportive of me when I was growing up and I definitely think it had a big effect on me so when I have children I don't want to make that same mistake.

I want to have an active role in my children's lives and be there for them emotionally. Like you mentioned, I also want to have a lot of heart to heart talks with them. I don't want my kids to feel like they can't be open with me or to feel like I don't care about how they're feeling.

Another thing is that I want my future children to enjoy their childhood. I was forced to grow up quick and I don't want my kids to go through that as well. I want them to be able to kids and make those silly, innocent childhood memories. I also want to be able to help them transition into adulthood when the right time comes.

“You don't have to let that one thing be the thing that defines you.” ― Jojo Moyes
wittyusernamehere is offline  
post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Reverie101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Language: English
Gender: Female
Posts: 596
My Mood: Breezy
Quote:
Originally Posted by wittyusernamehere View Post
My parents were not emotionally available or supportive of me when I was growing up and I definitely think it had a big effect on me so when I have children I don't want to make that same mistake.

I want to have an active role in my children's lives and be there for them emotionally. Like you mentioned, I also want to have a lot of heart to heart talks with them. I don't want my kids to feel like they can't be open with me or to feel like I don't care about how they're feeling.

Another thing is that I want my future children to enjoy their childhood. I was forced to grow up quick and I don't want my kids to go through that as well. I want them to be able to kids and make those silly, innocent childhood memories. I also want to be able to help them transition into adulthood when the right time comes.
Same here. thank you for responding.

We are in a reverie/ And everything you thought you knew isn't what it seems/ Only truth will set you free/ And I would never lie to you
Reverie101 is offline  
 
post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 09:59 PM
I Am Second
 
Kevin001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: USA ~ Louisiana
Language: American
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 55,500
My Mood: Inspired
You're pregnant? I'm just going to raise my kids as biblical as possible, anxiety kinda gets pushed aside when you have to be responsible for other lives.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
Kevin001 is offline  
post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-16-2019, 08:49 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Reverie101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Language: English
Gender: Female
Posts: 596
My Mood: Breezy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin001 View Post
You're pregnant? I'm just going to raise my kids as biblical as possible, anxiety kinda gets pushed aside when you have to be responsible for other lives.
Yep. but this will be my last mistake (not calling my kid one but not at least being married to have one) but yeah anxiety does get pushed to the side.

We are in a reverie/ And everything you thought you knew isn't what it seems/ Only truth will set you free/ And I would never lie to you
Reverie101 is offline  
post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-16-2019, 09:24 AM
I Am Second
 
Kevin001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: USA ~ Louisiana
Language: American
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 55,500
My Mood: Inspired
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverie101 View Post
Yep. but this will be my last mistake (not calling my kid one but not at least being married to have one) but yeah anxiety does get pushed to the side.
Oh wow, congrats even though its not how you intended it. Every child is planned .

Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
Kevin001 is offline  
post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2019, 02:15 AM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 12,520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverie101 View Post
I wish there was a parenting subforum here. Before you ask, I am logged onto a lot of baby and expecting forums but my threads rarely get replies...so here I am.

My social anxiety isn't as pronounced as it used to be..but I do suffer from anxiety in general. I do hope my baby gets his dad's extroverted personality..so he can make friends.

Anywho, I think of many ways I can do things different for my child by learning from my parents.

* I really want to start a savings for my baby starting now, thinking of getting it to atleast 10k (if I put 100 away--should take 2yrs) and that money will be there for him at 18. To help him if he wants to move out, get his own car ect..

* on the emotional aspect. I always want to be open to my baby like if he needs to talk or just someone to talk to. I never felt like I could go to my parents, especially my dad. They aren't bad people but they just weren't open nor did they check in on me ask me how was work, school ect.. which made me feel alone. Also if something is noticeably wrong with my son, I'm just gonna ask (not wait) what's the matter... nor will my son be sitting in a damn room door closed day in and day out just zoned out.

I also want to have alot of heart to heart talks with him..that my parents didn't really have with me (sex ed, self esteem talks, perservering{sadness won't last forever},value of life..ect)

and then no sheltering him but letting him do a lot of things on his own and helping him be independent...

my only hang up is I have general anxiety and I just don't want him to see me not have it together. I always admire my mom or being strong and only saw her cry a handful of times.

---------------------

what would you do differently if you had a child with SA?
It's important to be honest with kids - they hate it when you lie to them. Try to be honest with him.

Spend as much time with him as you possibly can.

Be there for him and make it clear that you'll back him up no matter what happens. It's not much use saying things like this to a kid - you have to do it.

Be affectionate - lots of cuddles and physical affection. My parents were never like that with me but I was very affectionate with my son and even now at 25 he's still very affectionate with me.

Realise that you will make lots of mistakes and try not to be too hard on yourself. It's going to be extra hard for you because you'll be doing it on your own, though hopefully your Mum will help out a bit. (and then hopefully leave you alone as well)

The last one is important. No matter how much you love him and how much you do - there will be something they think you could have done better. (probably until they have kids of their own)

(For reference see the "how did your parents **** you up" threads in here - there's no right way to do things I don't think, eg. if you don't push him enough they'll probably be annoyed you didn't do that - but of course if you do they'll think you were too pushy)

You can only do your best - sometimes there is no way to know what to do until it actually happens.

I think you'll be a great Mum - you love him and he's not even here yet. That's a hell of a start if you ask me.
harrison is offline  
post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2019, 12:32 PM
Resist
 
nubly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Surviving the trumpocalypse
Gender: Male
Posts: 33,486
My Mood: Tired
@Reverie101 congrats! Having a child is stressful but a hell of a lot of fun.

"One thing he (Trump) does know is how to get angry, white men to vote for him."- Bill Clinton

Without question the worst president we’ve ever had- Harry Reid on trump.

No question, Trump is racist- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

#WeAccept
#MakeRacistsAfraidAgain
#NotMyPresident


Recognize human trafficking:
http://www.dhs.gov/blue-campaign
nubly is offline  
post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2019, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Reverie101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Language: English
Gender: Female
Posts: 596
My Mood: Breezy
Quote:
Originally Posted by nubly View Post
@Reverie101 congrats! Having a child is stressful but a hell of a lot of fun.
Yeah i can't wait.

We are in a reverie/ And everything you thought you knew isn't what it seems/ Only truth will set you free/ And I would never lie to you
Reverie101 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome