Does this sound like depression? or could it be natural response
Last few years I have began to think about aging process, the inevitability of death and loss. It is at its worst now which is why I have ended up making this thread.
I am constantly thinking about age and time and that now my youth is over, it is only downhill from here (26). A part of me feels guilty because there are people much older who would love to be 26 again. It is arrogant and wasteful to complain about age when I'm 26. But its on my mind 24/7. My present situation is bad, since leaving school aged 16 to now 26, I have barely left the house so I have not matured or experienced much. I see this as my future also, not because it has to be, but because I lack the confidence or the drive to improve it. The thoughts about growing older, physical and mental decline, loss of memory and then death is on my mind the majority of the day now.
I tell myself it is just my depressive and negative worst-case scenario thinking, but then another part tells me its not and its a natural part of being human and we have to face it at some point.
I think things like what is the point of achieving and experiencing things if it will just be deleted once dead? I wont remember it. Yet I know the answer which is that there is no alternative. Either experience and live life, then die and forget it. Don't experience life and hide, then die and forget it. Or just die now and forget it. Its a lose-lose situation every option seems awful, but one of them is slightly less awful than the other which tells me that's the best option to pick.
Its the same circular thinking. Fear death/ aging, tell myself no option, its not avoidable. Thought re-occurs, ruminate, come to conclusion no amount of thinking can change it, accept it. Thought occurs again.