Do you feel its okay for a guy to want to be pretty? ;-; - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-16-2020, 11:22 PM Thread Starter
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Those feeling aren't that hard, I can just ignore them, realizing that being girl doesn't make anything better, except of having different problems... I may not have some of those problems that I have now, but I would have other ones... Even though sometimes I wish that I was at least born with different gender, but I have to get over it and accept that fact that I'm a boy, I can't change it where I live and that's probably for good. In the end there's no better way... Every gender has it's pros and cons... And probably no one getting changed into different gender wouldn't solve anything. Like it's said "grass always looks more green in neighborhood".
The person you are truly meant to be is more important than many other problems , if you want to be girl then that should be a plan that never goes off the table. Problems can become more manageable as you start dealing with them all one by one and i'm sure having control of your identity would take off the most weight. You said it makes nothing better but you get to be you with no limits.

I would take being depressed girl over depressed boy , if the option was presented to me a million times.

And if it means anything to you , I'd refer to you with pronouns you'd like it. I wish for you to not say that it doesn't matter at all.
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post #22 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-16-2020, 11:31 PM
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Wear like make up and dresses/skirts etc?

I often wish I was cute but there is so many roadblocks and no acceptance. Besides that I don't think I can reach goals that I have in wanting to be cute.

Identity is such a fascinating subject, how we wish to be perceived by others, how we perceive others and wish for them to bend their will in sake of our own. Then comes our own perception of labels, such as what is a guy, what is a gal, it gets fairly complex for my mind. Is a guy, to be defined as girly? Is a girl, to be defined as manly? Gender in of itself gets to be pretty confusing, but who is the one to choose the ultimate meaning of it all? Does wanting to be a gorgeous woman, only support the pre established gender roles? Do we even have any say over our own identity to begin with, or are we reliant upon others for it?



I fear that there is no simple answer to any of these questions, at least not as far as I can figure out. I do know, that we do not get to choose how others perceive us though. Personally, I am fine with people identifying themselves as they desire. If a man, wishes to identify as a man and wear outfits that are usually designated for women, then I am not bothered by it. If a woman born as a man, wishes to identify as a woman, and desires to wear either outfits for men or women, I am fine with that too. I'm also fine with otherkin, so as far as my own judgement and views are concerned, they are very liberal. The big one, that seems to bother a lot of people, is that I don't even mind other people who want to be another race. But my own views do not represent those of everyone else.


I've played out in my mind, a scenario in which all humanity were to cease to exist, but for one. Would it matter what we wore, how we behaved, would we limit ourselves to pre established views, and try to maintain an identity that brought us comfort.


I've often thought the only freedom we can ever really experience, is one in solitude, and isolated system where we are not reliant upon others. In such a system, we can identify ourselves as we so wish if we so wish.


Yeah, it is a complex question. Personally, I want to urge you on to be your self, and to live your life in a manner that best suits you, because I think we all should be happy in life. My own feelings on the matter should not matter, but of course they do for you and others, that is just human nature, isn't it? My own feelings, are I think it is fine. I think you should be at the helm of your own identity, if you wish to have one.


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post #23 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 07:33 AM
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Well I think "pretty " means attractive for females. And I think attractive, handsome, or good-looking is more pertinent to guys.

I suppose I wish that being a guy, I could be seen in the same way that the world looks at women's beauty more then guys. Women's bodies and shapes and clothes and bare bits of flesh they sometimes show off is kinda looked upon as more attractive than mens.

Guys can look Ok I suppose in their own way, but in general women are way way more interesting to look at than guys and I think society agrees. Generally i still think that women do put more effort into looking good than guys.

I mean I think that the designers of women's clothes is kinda sexist based as if to purposely draw explicit attention to womens bodies way way more.

Guys shorts = cut at knee generally.
Women's shorts = cut way up near the top of thigh. Much more leg exposed.

Women's leggings = tight and revealing . Shows off butt and legs with little left to imagination.
Guys leggings = barely exist. Rarely seen a guy wearing them. Most men wouldn't dare even if they wanted to because of societal reaction.

Women's jeans = very tight. Shows off full figure, legs, butts or curves. Sometimes the back pockets are non-existant to purposely show off women's superior-to-mens butts.
Guys jeans= they can be skinny and tight but a lot of men wear looser baggier ones that hide their legs more.

Womens crop tops= well that's obvious. Get your belly and midriff out all you like.
Guys crop tops= you're having a laugh aren't you? Almost no such thing as man's crop tops.

Women's t shirts= reveal much more upper arm.
Guys t shirts. = Reveals much less arm.


Woman's makeup= generally the norm that women wear makeup , brightly coloured sometimes, to accentuate facial features, hide blemishes, draw attention to feminine beauty.
Guys makeup= maybe a bit of skin tone concealer to hide a pimple or two. Nothing outlandish at all. Still somewhat stigmatized for a guy to wear makeup.


Guy going out for a night out partying/clubbing etc= looks the same as he usually does apart from maybe a fancy shirt and he's done his hair a bit. Fully clothed. No flesh on show.
Woman going out night out partying/clubbing = may look totally and utterly amazing different from normal day to day by use of makeup, revealing clothes , shoes, etc etc. may be basically half naked.

Guys can't really do much when it comes to changing how they look or increasing their sexiness or attractiveness but women have tons of stuff they can do.


----


Yeah. It's a.shame that guys kinda have to cover up and be heard and not seen really. The clothes difference seems that guys must cover up and women must get as much flesh out as possible or reveal their figures even when fully clothed in Normal everyday wear. It would be nice to be a guy and be seen as something beautiful and attractive too in the same was as women are but it's never gonna happen in the same way.

But then women do face more societal pressure to go to all that effort and to dress a certain way so there's up and downsides.

Basically I think that attractive sexy women will get more attention than the equivalent level of sexy attractive man.

But i wonder how men would cope if it became the norm for guys to have to conform to the way women have to dress etc? Imagine guys wandering around in their crops and booty shorts and high-heels? Lol.

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post #24 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 10:39 AM
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The person you are truly meant to be is more important than many other problems , if you want to be girl then that should be a plan that never goes off the table. Problems can become more manageable as you start dealing with them all one by one and i'm sure having control of your identity would take off the most weight. You said it makes nothing better but you get to be you with no limits.

I would take being depressed girl over depressed boy , if the option was presented to me a million times.

And if it means anything to you , I'd refer to you with pronouns you'd like it. I wish for you to not say that it doesn't matter at all.
Hmm you're not applying that standard to yourself though right now. Like you continue to refer to yourself as a guy or is it just that you mean if you could look like a girl?

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post #25 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 11:00 AM
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I see men these days in town wearing dresses and makeup. It doesn't bother me now, when I was younger I thought it was too weird but now I see I was wrong. They don't seem too concerned either and this is a liberal area so I'm happy to see people comfortable enough that they can dress as they like.

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post #26 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 11:17 AM
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Yup, that's totally cool and you should do what you want.



When it comes to identity, there's such a spectrum that pretty much anything you can think of is alright and already done by some other people in the world. You can be masculine and pretty; male, feminine and pretty; of fluid gender and pretty or have a different gender altogether. So don't think that you need to fit into some kind of bracket. You can find all these people online, by looking on Reddit subs and other places.



You can also have the kind of partner that you want, whilst being yourself. There are women who like feminine men (in skirts and all) and there are men who do too. So rock your skirts and don't let anyone stop you! But also stay safe, some people are bloody nasty and have a problem with everyone who doesn't look like them).

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post #27 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 11:23 AM Thread Starter
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Hmm you're not applying that standard to yourself though right now. Like you continue to refer to yourself as a guy or is it just that you mean if you could look like a girl?
Well I just want to be cute and present feminine but i wouldn't consider myself a girl. I don't view myself as either really but I don't want a male identity at all. I do dislike my body a bit but there isn't anything I want to do with it as end goal , just want to appear different to others. But I dunno if I can be perceived as cute. I don't know if my appearance can be anything other than masculine.
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post #28 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 08:54 PM
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Well I just want to be cute and present feminine but i wouldn't consider myself a girl. I don't view myself as either really but I don't want a male identity at all. I do dislike my body a bit but there isn't anything I want to do with it as end goal , just want to appear different to others. But I dunno if I can be perceived as cute. I don't know if my appearance can be anything other than masculine.
Yeah it's very difficult. I can't really be positive about this topic due to my own experiences and awareness of how people are. I'm not even comfortable talking about myself.. I also can't comment on the appearance thing because I don't know how you look but some people can change their appearance quite a lot so it could be possible.

I don't know what to do about not wanting a male identity at all. I guess it depends on what you mean like if that's informed by other people's opinion, or if you think your preferences would be more legit if you were female, or if you think it would be easier if you didn't see yourself as neither. Which it would, I'm not going to bs you, there's a lot of people similar to you who eventually just decide to live as transwomen because it's easier.

Like if you're a transwoman (or transman,) some people will understand you but a bunch of people will dislike you, but if you present as non-binary (neither or both,) nobody will including most transpeople and they'll never trust you and you'll never be accepted in either 'camp' so to speak. I'm genetically female and this is my honest opinion.

But I don't know, you should probably be more optimistic than me, I think there are more transwomen that support non-binary transfemmes from what I've seen online.

I deleted another post because it was too negative, and this one is even more negative but **** it lol.

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post #29 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 09:23 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah it's very difficult. I can't really be positive about this topic due to my own experiences and awareness of how people are. I'm not even comfortable talking about myself.. I also can't comment on the appearance thing because I don't know how you look but some people can change their appearance quite a lot so it could be possible.

I don't know what to do about not wanting a male identity at all. I guess it depends on what you mean like if that's informed by other people's opinion, or if you think your preferences would be more legit if you were female, or if you think it would be easier if you didn't see yourself as neither. Which it would, I'm not going to bs you, there's a lot of people similar to you who eventually just decide to live as transwomen because it's easier.

Like if you're a transwoman (or transman,) some people will understand you but a bunch of people will dislike you, but if you present as non-binary (neither or both,) nobody will including most transpeople and they'll never trust you and you'll never be accepted in either 'camp' so to speak. I'm genetically female and this is my honest opinion.

But I don't know, you should probably be more optimistic than me, I think there are more transwomen that support non-binary transfemmes from what I've seen online.

I deleted another post because it was too negative, and this one is even more negative but **** it lol.
I'd probably lean towards a non binary identity. I couldn't call myself male or female seriously. I'd be much happier with they/them then like she or he. It'd be amazing to be perfectly androgynous but I don't think their is way to achieve that unless you are already that way. Even though I have a desire to be feminine sometimes , I don't want to be labeled girl. Being androgynous most of time would be ideal , anything that isn't considered "male" to people.
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post #30 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 09:52 PM
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The person you are truly meant to be is more important than many other problems , if you want to be girl then that should be a plan that never goes off the table. Problems can become more manageable as you start dealing with them all one by one and i'm sure having control of your identity would take off the most weight. You said it makes nothing better but you get to be you with no limits.

I would take being depressed girl over depressed boy , if the option was presented to me a million times.

And if it means anything to you , I'd refer to you with pronouns you'd like it. I wish for you to not say that it doesn't matter at all.
I believe that I wasn't meant to be anything at all and I don't matter at all either as I'm not supposed to exist. Being a girl... I never considered it as a goal, it is more like a wish that is never meant to come true. And there are the thing where that wish appear... I hate my body, I hate how I look, I hate who I am... Girls looked to me like another level creatures, just way above me... But do it solve anything becoming one of them? I don't think so, because that beauty is just a facade and I STILL don't know so much about them... Hope made it more clear about my thought on this... I'm not good at expressing my thoughts either...

As for being depressed girl over depressed boy. Well I would just choose instant death. Depression is not what I would ever want... No offense, but who wants to be depressed anyway, depressed people are mostly disliked as well... Sadly... While sometimes just a hug from someone would help a lot...

Ok, I will not say that it doesn't matter, but I don't see any way how to do that thing, as well as I don't see a real reason to do it to myself, even if there are moments when I want it so much... I know no one accept me like that, place where I live isn't good for these things to say the least... Yes, I know you said that it shouldn't be any limits, I guess you are way more believing person than I ever was...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #31 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-17-2020, 11:42 PM Thread Starter
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I believe that I wasn't meant to be anything at all and I don't matter at all either as I'm not supposed to exist. Being a girl... I never considered it as a goal, it is more like a wish that is never meant to come true. And there are the thing where that wish appear... I hate my body, I hate how I look, I hate who I am... Girls looked to me like another level creatures, just way above me... But do it solve anything becoming one of them? I don't think so, because that beauty is just a facade and I STILL don't know so much about them... Hope made it more clear about my thought on this... I'm not good at expressing my thoughts either...

As for being depressed girl over depressed boy. Well I would just choose instant death. Depression is not what I would ever want... No offense, but who wants to be depressed anyway, depressed people are mostly disliked as well... Sadly... While sometimes just a hug from someone would help a lot...

Ok, I will not say that it doesn't matter, but I don't see any way how to do that thing, as well as I don't see a real reason to do it to myself, even if there are moments when I want it so much... I know no one accept me like that, place where I live isn't good for these things to say the least... Yes, I know you said that it shouldn't be any limits, I guess you are way more believing person than I ever was...
I believe everyone exists for a reason , I mean like how else could I be meeting you now. You seem pretty cool and all.

Well its not a wish but more of choice that you can make. You are meant to be something. (Well unless you mean niether as in Non Binary) I hope that you can find a way to move to a much better place and be you. I'm sure most people hate themselves to some degree but you can easily change your body and how you look.

Girls aren't some other level creature , if you are one inside then you already know how one feels but you are too stubborn to notice. You can learn about yourself and explore. I really hope you aren't rejecting who you want to be. Not who you want to be but who you have always been.

I offer you some virtual hugs but I don't know if it will matter much to you.

It does not matter whether someone who is irl will accept you now, even having someone who is online that believes in you can be a start , hopefully you get to find like-minded people irl eventually.

I accept you already , so there is one person at least...

I'm sure you can find some clarity , if even a little. If you want something then that is even more reason to do it.

I am not more believing than you , but I wish to have hope in you. My username is pretty edgy and you can probably find me spouting some stuff about not existing but I am not doing it right now though. I didn't create topic for such purpose.
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post #32 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-19-2020, 07:56 PM
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It's perfectly okay, no matter what anyone else says. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. I hope you can reach your goal.
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post #33 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-19-2020, 08:48 PM Thread Starter
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It's perfectly okay, no matter what anyone else says. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. I hope you can reach your goal.
;-; I hope so too , at the very least one day.
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post #34 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-21-2020, 01:24 PM
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I believe everyone exists for a reason , I mean like how else could I be meeting you now. You seem pretty cool and all.

Well its not a wish but more of choice that you can make. You are meant to be something. (Well unless you mean niether as in Non Binary) I hope that you can find a way to move to a much better place and be you. I'm sure most people hate themselves to some degree but you can easily change your body and how you look.

Girls aren't some other level creature , if you are one inside then you already know how one feels but you are too stubborn to notice. You can learn about yourself and explore. I really hope you aren't rejecting who you want to be. Not who you want to be but who you have always been.

I offer you some virtual hugs but I don't know if it will matter much to you.

It does not matter whether someone who is irl will accept you now, even having someone who is online that believes in you can be a start , hopefully you get to find like-minded people irl eventually.

I accept you already , so there is one person at least...

I'm sure you can find some clarity , if even a little. If you want something then that is even more reason to do it.

I am not more believing than you , but I wish to have hope in you. My username is pretty edgy and you can probably find me spouting some stuff about not existing but I am not doing it right now though. I didn't create topic for such purpose.
Sorry, I didn't read the entire thread. Seems like you're getting closer to figuring it out, which is good. Anything is valid though, whether you id as a guy, girl, or somewhere in between it is all good. There's really nothing wrong with being trans though, assuming you don't live in an anti-LGBT city or anything.

My small advice would be to just do things that make you happy, and worry about labels later. Buy feminine clothes, wear them in your room, and once you feel confident you can wear them out in public!

To answer your original question though, yes it's 100% okay for a guy to want to be feminine, just as it's okay for a girl to want to be masculine (tomboy, butch, etc). I'm struggling with a similar thing right now, so you're not in it alone!

Hang in there, and I hope you find your genuine self very soon!
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post #35 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 10:22 PM
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It's definitely okay. What are some of your goals regarding it OP? I've had a lot of friends successfully transition and I support them fully. You are no different.

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