Yeah, even within my own family, which consists of my mother and little sister. I am basically treated as a second class citizen. The failure, who exaggerates his mental illnesses and has been a disappointment and burden to all involved. My mother doesn't return my calls for days and she doesn't spend anytime with me in my house, just talking. I have been thinking about this alot in the last two days. It really makes me want to shut down and build a wall. When every time I talk, all I hear is irritation in her voice.
I realize that I have not been the son that she always wanted. I haven't lived up to her standards. And she does not understand the extent of GAD and SAD and agoraphobia. She just can't grasp it. She can't wrap her brain around how bad it can be. She has no compassion for mental disorders. especially when it's her only son. And at the same time, growing up with my father and some of the other men she choose as mates. They really left some mental scars. i don't like to wallow in my own sorrows and play the victim role
I know, I have made a lot of poor choices growing up and she did also. I look at it as mistakes made on both sides. But to be treated like a failure,to hear it in her voice. to see that in her face, to be the black sheep boy in this family. It makes me sad, worthless to a point and it also makes me angry.
Okay sorry,I'm done venting!!!
- The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order.
- There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.- Leonard Cohen
- The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.- Ernest Hemingway