Do people really want to change? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Do people really want to change?


This may seem like an obvious answer, logically you would think that if you're not happy with your life you would like to change, but i'm not so sure that people want to leave the comfort zone that they know as their lives.

I think people want to live their lives the same way as always but have better results.

what do you think?
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 07:05 PM
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There's a tremendous difference between these two words: Want, and Will.

People want more money. They want love. They want to be able to speak another language. They want to be entrepreneurs who make 100k/hour doing barely anything. They want better skills, better communication, better lives.

Will they have all that? Will they work for it? Will they crawl and scream, sweat, bleed, and cry grasping for the opportunities that all successful people have had to work hard for years and years to be able to achieve?

Nope. Most people are lazy whiners who cry and stink about nothing in particular. Humanity is sad. Progress is driven by those who will, not those who only want.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fractured View Post
This may seem like an obvious answer, logically you would think that if you're not happy with your life you would like to change, but i'm not so sure that people want to leave the comfort zone that they know as their lives.

I think people want to live their lives the same way as always but have better results.

what do you think?
I think everyone would enjoy having a better life--whatever that means to them. But not everyone is willing and able to do what it takes to have a better life. Not everyone is willing and able to take the risks of change. Not everyone knows how to have a better life. Also not everyone is aware that a better life could be had by them.
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 07:21 PM
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I do believe that people want to change, but they have to want it more than the comfortable (yet unfulfilling) lifestyle and habits that they currently have in order to actually be motivated to put in the necessary effort to change. I think that many people may be unwilling to make changes (despite wanting to improve their lives) because change can be scary---you don't know for sure how things will turn out when you make those first steps (after all, what if things don't turn out as you hoped and experience failure instead?), and if undesirable outcomes happen without the comforts of their old habits to turn back to (the bad habits they are trying to stop), it would all seem like a wasted effort along with unnecessary bad outcomes (ex. rejection, embarrassment, other "failures"). So in general it's probably fear of unknown outcomes that prevents people from actually changing, because there's the feeling that giving up their old comforting ways (which prevent them from making important changes and improvements) may just count as extra "loss" in their lives, since they'd no longer be able to fall back on it in case of failure.
Sorry, that is one lengthy explanation I made :S
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 07:55 PM
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I'm not happy with my life but it's the only life I know. I have suffered from social anxiety for as long as I can remember and I find the thought of getting rid of my anxiety or even significantly reducing it so unrealistic that I can't find any motivation for it. I just can't imagine myself not having social anxiety. Getting rid of it or even just reducing it is as unimaginable for me as a new sense (besides smell, taste etc.). Also, my anxiety is so strong and deep-rooted that the process of recovering would be very long and mentally demanding and I'm not ready for that. I'm not even sure what I would do as a "normal" person. Having lived a whole life in isolation I have absolutely no idea about social skills or how to blend in in with others or even if I should. I find the thought of being "normal" not only unrealistic but also frightening.
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 10:02 PM
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People want to change but they don't always know how to change their lives into something they want.
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 10:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Carlfrukt View Post
I'm not happy with my life but it's the only life I know. I have suffered from social anxiety for as long as I can remember and I find the thought of getting rid of my anxiety or even significantly reducing it so unrealistic that I can't find any motivation for it. I just can't imagine myself not having social anxiety. Getting rid of it or even just reducing it is as unimaginable for me as a new sense (besides smell, taste etc.). Also, my anxiety is so strong and deep-rooted that the process of recovering would be very long and mentally demanding and I'm not ready for that. I'm not even sure what I would do as a "normal" person. Having lived a whole life in isolation I have absolutely no idea about social skills or how to blend in in with others or even if I should. I find the thought of being "normal" not only unrealistic but also frightening.
That's similar how I feel as well. As much as I hate having social anxiety and would like to get rid of it, the awkwardness and fear associated with it just feels as though it's a part of me, like it defines me. Maybe that's not a very healthy way of viewing my social anxiety, but I'm simply too used to how I've been my entire life.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 08:52 AM
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I think that yes, people do want to change, but for the most part, they want to stay in their comfort zone more than they want to change. The desire to change has to be stronger than the fear of failure for any progress to be made.
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 09:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ywasi View Post
There's a tremendous difference between these two words: Want, and Will.

People want more money. They want love. They want to be able to speak another language. They want to be entrepreneurs who make 100k/hour doing barely anything. They want better skills, better communication, better lives.

Will they have all that? Will they work for it? Will they crawl and scream, sweat, bleed, and cry grasping for the opportunities that all successful people have had to work hard for years and years to be able to achieve?

Nope. Most people are lazy whiners who cry and stink about nothing in particular. Humanity is sad. Progress is driven by those who will, not those who only want.
Basically this. Anyone can want but most don't have the will.
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 09:46 AM
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Theoretically, I want a drastic change in my life overnight. But in practical, I feel guilty to say that I feel too good in my current situation to the point that I don't want any changes. I feel like I can't adapt to new changes and so I'd stick to the old lifestyle.

"I read somewhere...how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong...but to feel strong." - Chris McCandless
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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 10:46 AM
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I'd love to change but I feel like I'm in a stray jacket. I can't want to all I want but I just can't. If anything I just keeping getting worse and worse.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 11:03 AM
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Yes. Am I willing to work for it? No.
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 05:35 PM
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Effort does not equal results. Yes people want to change and try to change. If it were that easy ( just do it then its gone) then anxiety disorders would not longer be permanent, they would be temporary. Think about it , if results were guaranteed, most people would do it. They are not guaranteed, far from it. This makes it not worth it for some people , particularly if they have tried and failed before.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by persona non grata View Post
People want to change but they don't always know how to change their lives into something they want.
^

Yep. I've simply run out of "advice" to take for my situation, Must be nice to judge from a position where if you do a set of actions, you get a result as promised. I'm having to find a completely new way to do everything after I even read an entire goddamn website on socializing.
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:23 PM
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Not me i want to change my lifestyle and everyday attitude for the best. I enjoy my current life now, but there's something better im aiming for.

How can you lose when you're doing you ?
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:28 PM
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Given the lack of activity in the triumphs/positive forum and the lack of replies in threads offering potential avenues of progress I would say not really. They may want to change but it seems taking the step towards doing anything about it is quite large.

Your 100% in anything, even if you're not the best at it, is a success.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by AussiePea View Post
Given the lack of activity in the triumphs/positive forum and the lack of replies in threads offering potential avenues of progress I would say not really. They may want to change but it seems taking the step towards doing anything about it is quite large.
Or we simply don't share on the forum.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Kind Of View Post
Or we simply don't share on the forum.
A minority perhaps, but I reckon this quite holds true for more than less:

Quote:
Yes. Am I willing to work for it? No.

Your 100% in anything, even if you're not the best at it, is a success.
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:31 PM
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I lack any motivation to improve upon my horrendously ****ty life.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by AussiePea View Post
A minority perhaps, but I reckon this quite holds true for more than less:
I don't reckon it. Both myself and another poster I know are actively working on multiple self-treatments (meditation, CBT, exercise, etc), but neither of us have a thread on any of those things.

There are a lot of reasons people might not share, but believe what you want.
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