Do I become invisible sometimes ?? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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Do I become invisible sometimes ??


This has happened multiple times with me. I am there with people, some other person or people walk in. They greet everyone in the room EXCEPT me. Why ? Can't you see me ? Am I that repulsive?. A little while later after all initial greet with everyone else is done, they may throw a bone and acknowledge my presence. I have NEVER caused any harm to these people. Obviously, there is something about the impression I make on them that turns them off, but I just CANNOT nail it. At other times the same people may be nice to me in a one on one interaction but when I am in a group setting, somehow I am not the topmost priority and other people are more important than me.

This makes me feel awful and disrespected. How do I react in this situation?

PS: This has happened to be in both family and work setting.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 02:01 PM
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Yep same....just don't have the presence like others I guess.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 04:31 PM
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I've felt this too. Happens alot in the workplace, I guess because I'm just not close with coworkers or my bosses.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 05:55 PM
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Yep same....just don't have the presence like others I guess.
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Originally Posted by Gurii View Post
I've felt this too. Happens alot in the workplace, I guess because I'm just not close with coworkers or my bosses.
What are you doing to be noticed? Do you try to talk to them or are you always quiet? The times you have talked to them have you been able to show them your real personality aka be yourself or were you being the shy reserved version of yourself? Until we learn how to be ourselves around people and stop supressing our personalities for fear of judgement and approval we will always be the boring quiet person who offers zero value and as a result we will very rarely be noticed. AKA work on your SA����
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 06:00 PM
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What are you doing to be noticed? Do you try to talk to them or are you always quiet? The times you have talked to them have you been able to show them your real personality aka be yourself or were you being the shy reserved version of yourself? Until we learn how to be ourselves around people and stop supressing our personalities for fear of judgement and approval we will always be the boring quiet person who offers zero value and as a result we will very rarely be noticed. AKA work on your SA����
to be fair, I work hard for my bosses. I'm like anybody else with my Good mornings, 'see you tomorrow's, a handshake or so. To just ignore somebody like that is rude imo. I mean you're right, I'm closed off and I just can't open up like that, but I feel like it's just better that way.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 06:19 PM
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I have been invisible my whole life, i guess its just something u have to live with
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 06:38 PM
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to be fair, I work hard for my bosses. I'm like anybody else with my Good mornings, 'see you tomorrow's, a handshake or so. To just ignore somebody like that is rude imo. I mean you're right, I'm closed off and I just can't open up like that, but I feel like it's just better that way.
Is it though? Or would it be better to be able to have conversations and even make some friendships at work or anywhere where your seeing the same people on a daily bases? Personally It feels like **** going to work or school everyday and having to be a spectator to all the normies as they effortlessly socialise in your face. SA supressess our personalities and makes us to scared to say whats on our minds because it makes us fear disapproval and judgment. That's the difference between someone with SA and someone without it. People with SA care too much about what others might think about them aka validation and as a result are VERY quiet and reserved where as normies don't really have those fears and can be more comfortable in their skin. And when you can be yourself your offering value to the people you interact with and then they give you value back aka you make a friend. Its like "hey your cool im cool lets be friends" what they see is "im cool your boring for whatever reason, you continue to have no friends while I go socialise with other cool people"... I'd love to share a self help book with you that explains all of this and can teach you how to bring your personality out and cure your SA. PM me your email if your interested, ill email it to you. Good luck.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 07:58 PM
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Is it though? Or would it be better to be able to have conversations and even make some friendships at work or anywhere where your seeing the same people on a daily bases? Personally It feels like **** going to work or school everyday and having to be a spectator to all the normies as they effortlessly socialise in your face. SA supressess our personalities and makes us to scared to say whats on our minds because it makes us fear disapproval and judgment. That's the difference between someone with SA and someone without it. People with SA care too much about what others might think about them aka validation and as a result are VERY quiet and reserved where as normies don't really have those fears and can be more comfortable in their skin. And when you can be yourself your offering value to the people you interact with and then they give you value back aka you make a friend. Its like "hey your cool im cool lets be friends" what they see is "im cool your boring for whatever reason, you continue to have no friends while I go socialise with other cool people"... I'd love to share a self help book with you that explains all of this and can teach you how to bring your personality out and cure your SA. PM me your email if your interested, ill email it to you. Good luck.
I'm drunk, so I feel like I'm not giving you my best here--

I feel like if I open up to people I'll just get attacked. I mean I used to want to fit in, but anymore I just like to carry on in my own way. I work, come home and play videogames. I feel like it's non of my boss's business, or my coworkers for that matter what I'm like, my hobbies, or any of that. I don't need a Boss talking about how stupid I am because I like X when he's talking behind my back to my coworkers or whatever, and words unsaid can't be bended to ones agenda. It's just not worth it. only thing a boss needs to know is that I show up on time and work hard. only thing my coworkers need to know is my name lol but at the same time we're on the same side, if you see me there shoot me a good morning or something, I mean damn I greet you every morning at the timeclock lol
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-09-2017, 08:02 PM
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I have been invisible my whole life, i guess its just something u have to live with
only your hand is invisible.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-10-2017, 03:03 PM
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Until we learn how to be ourselves around people and stop suppressing our personalities for fear of judgement and approval we will always be the boring quiet person who offers zero value and as a result we will very rarely be noticed.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-10-2017, 04:46 PM
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Until we learn how to be ourselves around people and stop suppressing our personalities for fear of judgement and approval we will always be the boring quiet person who offers zero value and as a result we will very rarely be noticed.
lol you have to quote me😆
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-10-2017, 06:00 PM
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I'm drunk, so I feel like I'm not giving you my best here--

I feel like if I open up to people I'll just get attacked. I mean I used to want to fit in, but anymore I just like to carry on in my own way. I work, come home and play videogames. I feel like it's non of my boss's business, or my coworkers for that matter what I'm like, my hobbies, or any of that. I don't need a Boss talking about how stupid I am because I like X when he's talking behind my back to my coworkers or whatever, and words unsaid can't be bended to ones agenda. It's just not worth it. only thing a boss needs to know is that I show up on time and work hard. only thing my coworkers need to know is my name lol but at the same time we're on the same side, if you see me there shoot me a good morning or something, I mean damn I greet you every morning at the timeclock lol
First of all don't drink. Leave that **** to the mentally healthy we can't t afford to do drugs and alcohol. Secondly when your sober and can analyse what I previously wrote re-read everything because I explained exactly why you feel like you'll be attacked. Now you can't complain that no one notices you (i will admit if they don't even say hi to you they're just a bunch of dicks and you wouldn't want to befriend them anyway) and then say that you don't care about fitting in or at the very least be able to have conversations with the people you see everyday. The simple fact that your a human being let's me know that you would still like to fit in and you will ALWAYS wish you could fit in. So just admit that your scared. Admit that your scared to put yourself out there, admit that your scared of being humiliated and judged and that you might get rejected. Admit that your scared to burst your safety bubble and expose whatever little bit of self esteem and confidence you've been holding on to. And what will happen once you're honest with yourself and you stop bsing yourself into believing that you don't care, is that you'll actually want to learn how you can better yourself and improve so that one day you too can get the most out of life. So I would love to help you by sharing this book with you for FREE that's honestly the only reason I can even say all of these things with confidence, and hopefully you can understand why your not being noticed by people and how you can baby �� step your way into being able to be yourself around others and eventually have the ability to REALLY make the choice of whether you want to fit in with a specific group of people or not. Because right now SA is making that choice for you. But its up to you man. You can choose to be honest with yourself and try to improve or you can continue to suffer in silence. Its very hard to be the opposite of what you've been for a long time but if you TRULY want something you'll be willing to die trying to achieve it. If you want to do this you'll need a lot of knowledge and that book has it. Just remember your not alone in this struggle with SA, its why we're here. To help and be helped. Good luck to you man.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-10-2017, 06:48 PM
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What prevents you from greeting the person entering?

I've noticed it sometimes happens that someone is just as anxious about the greeting thing as me (When it doesn't happen, sometimes when I catch it in time I make the effort to greet them.. People seem relieved/happy when you do that actually)

I know I don't really give out "welcoming" vibes to anyone.

So you can try offering to greet them at least. Make the first move. Don't just passively sit and wait for everyone else to greet/welcome you.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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