Disappointed a friend - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-27-2006, 11:47 PM Thread Starter
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Disappointed a friend


Apparently my friend didn't want anybody else to know his birthday. I didn't know that, so I told somebody when they asked me. Now I feel horrible. I'm sitting here crying because I disappointed him by telling someone. I'm so stupid. I should have known, I'm sure he's mentioned it before. He said he hated me. I'm sure he was just upset that I told someone, but it really hurt. He's the only person I talk to on a regular basis online and I can't bear the thought of him being mad at me and not talking to me.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
-Anne Bradstreet
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-28-2006, 12:53 AM
 
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That seems a little extreme for him to say he hates you just because you told someone it's his birthday. Perhaps he has more serious problems then just not wanting anyone to know it's his birthday.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-28-2006, 01:07 AM Thread Starter
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I'm sure he didn't really mean it. We joke around a lot and he'll say stuff like that, just jokingly. But even then sometimes it upsets me. I'm just too sensitive. But I already felt horrible for telling somebody, and then to have him say that, even if he didn't really mean it, just made me feel ten times worse.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
-Anne Bradstreet
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-28-2006, 05:26 AM
 
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Well then it's probably best to give him the benefit of the doubt. I know that sometimes I am too serious and take kidding all wrong. Maybe you are being too sensitive. Perhaps if you talked to him you'll find out your overreacting.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-28-2006, 09:19 AM
 
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In this world I have but a few friends whom I can really talk to. Though I seldom worry about losing them over hurtful words I realize that they will not be around forever. Most of the people I once called my friends are now gone away. The friends I have currently will some day do the same.

This of course confronts me with the problem of trying to make new friend and try to get comfortable enough to confide in them. Then the other problem is I have fears of finding no one else to speak to and I will be all alone with my bottled up thoughts and feelings.

Your fear of losing your friend has perhaps magnified the problem in your mind. From what you have said it seems as though he was joking and though perhaps upset he meant no harm. If he was not joking then it's really his problem. Either way try not to stress about it this. From your post it seems you have done nothing wrong.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-28-2006, 07:39 PM
 
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I have to agree with the others in some ways. Here's the way I'd put it.

Just tell him your sorry and that you thought you were doing a nice thing. Then drop it.

Don't let his anger or ugly words bring you down anymore over it. You had no way of knowing he didn't want people knowing it was his birthday. You Did NOTHING Wrong!!

If he can't see the honest & nice effort you put forth to make his day brighter. Then it's HIS LOSS. period.

Joking's fine and okay when in context. Would you really want a friend that get's that upset over such a small thing? F.C.S. it's only one day out of his year, he needs to grow up. He's pretty immature if you ask me.

I hope your feeling better.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-28-2006, 09:17 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone. I was just overreacting last night and made the whole situation a lot worse than it actually was. Plus it didn't help that I was already having a bad day. I just freak out about stupid little mistakes because I'm so afraid of doing anything to hurt the one decent friendship I have.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
-Anne Bradstreet
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-29-2006, 03:01 AM
 
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I think we are all that way it's part of having SA. I stew over every little thing I say and do. It's ridiculous but I can't help it. I try to think about how I feel when someone else says something that might considered embarrassing or do something embarrassing. The truth is I rarely think of it once I go on with my life. I don't worry about other people's mistakes just my own. So most likely if you did say something wrong or embarrassing they don't dwell on it they just forget it and probably are worrying about things they have done. Most people whether they have SA or not tend to be insecure.
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