Dating vs. Parents - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 09:47 AM Thread Starter
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post #22 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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I just hate being the person who is stuck on the dock, train station, airport when you see everyone else in your world are on the boat, train or plane. (or just got off such a thing)
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post #23 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 03:42 AM
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My parents once I said I'm a good judge of character. With the exception of my parents- the only toxic people I had in my life were bullies in late elementary school (Gr.7/8.) and early high school. Also the Queenbee in Gr.12 Drama class. But I didn't hang out with any of them when they're toxic to me. I know the signs to watch out before because 1)I researched it for my own SimLit 2)I hear people talk about it on occasion about their ex-partner being abusive to them from my program.

And it was at my doctor's appointment in May (and before that with Mom and my new family doctor) that since I was 18 the resident or the doctor asks me if I'm planning to get pregnant anytime soon and that made me terribley upset. I want to have a partner before I have a pregnancy.
Don't think about pregnancy as a necessary stage everyone goes through in their life. You'd find yourself unhappy later when you'd realize it's not what you thought of it at all. It takes so much time and efforts and rips you off your life. And there's so much responsibility for the kid too. He just asked you because of something to do with health, right? They often ask these questions.

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I just hate being the person who is stuck on the dock, train station, airport when you see everyone else in your world are on the boat, train or plane. (or just got off such a thing)
I think plenty of people on this site can relate due to the problems with mental health I was talking about. But obviously in your case your physical condition contributes to this feeling a great deal as far I understood. Did I understand it correctly?

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@Sorryfor my English-I'm allowed to take the bus on my own to and from my day-program normally (the only exception is 1.a pot luck at the building or 2.its Picnic day down at the park. I'm also allowed to take the bus to/from Pickering Town Centre on occasion by myself.

But the irony is the sometimes joke about me taking care of them when they are Grandpa's age (he's 90ish) but when in the here and now I can't even take care of myself because they wouldn't let me take over my own stuff (hair-braiding is one thing) but the other stuff? I'm can't talk to a doctor about it because every time I'm with a doctor either the once a year (May) appointment or a family doctor a parent is in the room with me so what's good is that?.




The "Closet Church Lady" thing is what I'm afraid I will become because I don't want to have to rely on family (my sister's, my cousins' families) or my friends' families, or a complete stranger, I want my own family (ie a partner/adult kids) to take care of ME when I'm in 70s and 80s.

I once tried to change my bed on my own and the parents got mad at me. Ok Mom had a good reason to be mad (she still had her cast from January on at the time) but otherwise I need to start doing things for myself. All weekdays (Sunday Night-Thursday night) through the school and (Monday-Thursday during the summer) I been making the fruit. (Fridays and weekends are the exception) and I also make supper once a week.


Ps. I was in bed it was almost 1 in the morning
I'm sorry I missed this post because I didn't get the notification for the mention.

Are you not allowed to do those things (like braiding etc) by your parents because of your physical condition and you know you can do this fine and you're not forbidden to do all those things by your doctor? I mean if that's alright to talk about that to you and to answer. I just don't know the details of it so I still don't fully understand the whole situation.

Of course, that's wrong that they're talking about that and they don't care about you being actually happy, being as independent as you can.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #24 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
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Don't think about pregnancy as a necessary stage everyone goes through in their life. You'd find yourself unhappy later when you'd realize it's not what you thought of it at all. It takes so much time and efforts and rips you off your life. And there's so much responsibility for the kid too. He just asked you because of something to do with health, right? They often ask these questions.Don't think about pregnancy as a necessary stage everyone goes through in their life. You'd find yourself unhappy later when you'd realize it's not what you thought of it at all. It takes so much time and efforts and rips you off your life. And there's so much responsibility for the kid too. He just asked you because of something to do with health, right? They often ask these questions.


It just since I'm of that child-bearing age they keep asking me those questions because the former can help me get pregnant (but presumably If I had a partner or at least a sperm donor) - I starting to really hate them because its sort of like a trigger for me to really, really want to date (I also want first-hand experience because reading stories and stuff about dating isn't as good as the real thing) that if I'm at a doctor's next and they ask me that I will be like "Do you know of anyone available?" I also want to have kids


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I think plenty of people on this site can relate due to the problems with mental health I was talking about. But obviously in your case your physical condition contributes to this feeling a great deal as far I understood. Did I understand it correctly?
I'm not physical disabled its more development disabled (but I'm in like the upper part in a sense?)


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Are you not allowed to do those things (like braiding etc) by your parents because of your physical condition and you know you can do this fine and you're not forbidden to do all those things by your doctor? I mean if that's alright to talk about that to you and to answer. I just don't know the details of it so I still don't fully understand the whole situation.

Of course, that's wrong that they're talking about that and they don't care about you being actually happy, being as independent as you can.
once again I'm not really pyschailly disabled. It just I have low motor skills and I can't do a braid at ALL (so that's the only exception for my parents having to do my hair since because of my low fine motor skills I can't really do it myself). I CAN Take the bus to my program and back and walk to the bus stop for the bus to the program and walk home from the library on my own when I get back to my town on it. I am ALSO allowed to go to a mall (Pickering Town Centre) when the occasion strikes after my Wednesday's volunteer job. I been making the fruit most days (Friday no) but I make supper mostly on my own (unless its pasta related).


So I'm sort of independent but important stuff like my prescription meds-mom renews them herself even though its MY medication because they think I could screw it up (she does it over the phone dial the drug store # and then types in via the dial the Rx# of (Med).) The other year Mom had trouble with renewing (Med Y) and I had my volunteer job the next day so that morning I wrote down the Rx# of (Med Y) and I took it to the drug store myself and the problem was we had gotten a new prescription from my doctor for (Med Y) so on my way back after (church volunteer job) I was able to pick it up.


In past appointments (not this year and not last year), with my specalist doctor's my Dad couldn't keep his mouth shut about asking about either my blood sugar level, or *****ing about my (and Mom's) sleeping habits when it was none of his business (and he's not even a good role model!) he says up to midnight or later sometimes.. so what right does he have to critize ME?

In 2012 Mom was away for the majority of the summer (S.Korea and China at first but afterwards the majority of summer she was stuck with her sister up in Tweed helping to take care of the grandparents) so besides doing the laundry for Dad and I (and the towels), I also had to cut (Med X) in half with one of those machines which can cut pills in half on my own. But after Mom no longer had to take care of Grandparents (Ie Sept) Mom re-took over from me.

I make fruit most days. On Friday nights I make the supper (unless I'm elsewhere) mostly on my own (unless its pasta-related). I also empty the dishwasher everyday, set the table and pour drinks, and clean up the table afterwards (ie removing stuff we took out of the fridge for supper).


So my choices are: 1) go behind my parents' back to date (not really good plan but I would tell other people my boss at the volunteer job since it would be after that work when I would be doing it) and 2)People at my program. 3)have a kid(s) and raise them in the same toxic environment I'm currently living in.

They (and I) would like me to volunteer but we have disagreements about where/what to volunteer at (One of my volunteer ideas is at a retirement home-I want to work at a gift shop at this particular place) but Mom wants me to be a 1:1 visitor but as nice as that sounds, I'm just concerned about it being a trigger for my wanting to date (I know that most of 1:1 visiting is talking or listening to stories about their life and if they had a partner at any point, the would talk about how they meet, and their life together) and at this point I'm already been triggered enough with my school friends getting engaged since October of last year (not to mention the few who already have 1 or 2 kiddos already).
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post #25 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 12:49 PM
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I'm not physical disabled its more development disabled (but I'm in like the upper part in a sense?)
I think it does. So you practically can do many things parents forbid you to do and protect you from except for braiding and some other things? You had no trouble dialing numbers for new prescription though and your mom wrongly thinks you can't? Sorry if I missed something. I have trouble understanding things sometimes



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In past appointments (not this year and not last year), with my specalist doctor's my Dad couldn't keep his mouth shut about asking about either my blood sugar level, or *****ing about my (and Mom's) sleeping habits when it was none of his business (and he's not even a good role model!) he says up to midnight or later sometimes.. so what right does he have to critize ME?
I know what you feel. My relatives and especially my parent were and still are (cause nothing's changed) very obtuse and self-unaware. I hate that I still don't notice sometimes that I'm being this way too cause of them.

Not to mention that it's disrespectful and personal boundaries violation which I also can relate to, that's how I know


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In 2012 Mom was away for the majority of the summer (S.Korea and China at first but afterwards the majority of summer she was stuck with her sister up in Tweed helping to take care of the grandparents) so besides doing the laundry for Dad and I (and the towels), I also had to cut (Med X) in half with one of those machines which can cut pills in half on my own. But after Mom no longer had to take care of Grandparents (Ie Sept) Mom re-took over from me.
It's typical when men, especially that generation, still don't do laundry and their female family members are doing that
If you could cut those pills with no problem then I don't see why she's being so overprotective. Or is there a possibility for you to actually injure yourself while doing that? I googled those machines and if they look sort of like that
then I don't see how it can be potentially dangerous, but I don't know about your condition as much as you do so that's why I'm asking. If everything's ok then the fact that she forbids you to do that is wrong, imo.



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So my choices are: 1) go behind my parents' back to date (not really good plan but I would tell other people my boss at the volunteer job since it would be after that work when I would be doing it) and 2)People at my program. 3)have a kid(s) and raise them in the same toxic environment I'm currently living in.
I don't think it's about being behind their back cause you're an adult who's free to do things she wants to do. You could just do that without asking their permission and announcing that, but not really trying to do that sneakily like making extra effort to hide it from them or something like that. But maybe you'd feel guilty about that because your parents never had boundaries and never wanted you to be independent. We have a tendency to internalize the way our parents felt about us and were treating us so it's something hard to get rid of. Don't blame yourself too much it that's the case.

Also I'm wondering if they also want you to stay at home and not to date anyone because they're Christian and they want you not to ''sin'' or something (but on the other hand, they just want you to stay with them forever and not even to marry which Christian or traditional parents would want unless they had some personal hidden reasons to want you to stay with them forever like I said in other posts).

You mean to have kids on your own, without a partner at all? I also think that's a bad option. But I don't think it's a good idea to have kids in general cause we internalize these things from our parents and can only resolve them in therapy, unfortunately. So that would make us bad parents too, whether we know that or not. It's not so much about blindly repeating what our parents have done to us, but more about general mental health because a child requires a lot of energy and a lot of attunement to their emotions and responding to them appropriately (especially babies) which we can't do because of our unconscious mental state

Why do you really want to have kids? I kind of see that as growing up and being surrounded by people who have traditional beliefs. So they probably have these expectations on you and therefore you can only see yourself like that too... I used to be Christian too when I was a teen and when I was communicating with Christians and going to church I also had these ideas imposed on me to the point where I was thinking it was ''Christian'' to do so sometimes so I wanted to become a monk a.k.a. ''nun'' and live in the monastery cause that was the only alternative. Now I kind of distinguish Christianity (i.e. what Jesus said in Bible) from rigid traditional Christians, but yeah none of actual Christians would call me Christian and I wouldn't cause I have doubts, but that's a different story...

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They (and I) would like me to volunteer but we have disagreements about where/what to volunteer at (One of my volunteer ideas is at a retirement home-I want to work at a gift shop at this particular place) but Mom wants me to be a 1:1 visitor but as nice as that sounds, I'm just concerned about it being a trigger for my wanting to date (I know that most of 1:1 visiting is talking or listening to stories about their life and if they had a partner at any point, the would talk about how they meet, and their life together)
That's very restrictive of your parents. Looks like they see you in a certain light, but they don't want to know who you really are and they only see you as a certain role of, say, ''a Christian woman and our daughter'' instead of all those unique characteristics that make you yourself It stinks

Obviously, you should choose what job you want to do, whether it's a volunteering job or a non-volunteering one. You know about your current strengths and things you can't do so far and they just want to make a certain mold out of you which is entirely wrong, of course.

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and at this point I'm already been triggered enough with my school friends getting engaged since October of last year (not to mention the few who already have 1 or 2 kiddos already).
Some of my female classmates got married and pregnant (whether by choice or not) as early as 17-18 and around those ages. Plus quite a lot more of my classmates of both sexes are married now. But I don't feel like I should be catching up with those particular things. I know that it can lead them to a lot of disappointment later and people often idealize marriage and having kids especially. You shouldn't perceive those things like something to necessarily do in life so that would mean that your life is meaningful/full/accomplished. There are numerous of other ways to live an adult life, it's just people you're surrounded with.

Aside from such rituals like marriage and having kids, I can understand how you feel about never having a relationship like that and being alone I just oppose things like getting married right away and don't want to ever have kids and think it's a good idea in general...

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #26 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 02:16 PM Thread Starter
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This might be more then one one post because of all I have to say

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I think it does. So you practically can do many things parents forbid you to do and protect you from except for braiding and some other things? You had no trouble dialling numbers for new prescription though and your mom wrongly thinks you can't? Sorry if I missed something. I have trouble understanding things sometimes
That my problem involves stuff that affects the entire middle of me- so I have to take meds to make those things. I mean I was in an employment works program when I was 25 and it involved a lot of physically work (either wiping gym equipment mostly, dealing with books in a library including reordering(?) books, cleaning out a stall , and um what's the word separating wool from a different part at a farm and dealing with laundry at the larger retirement home in my town). So what does that tell you about my upper capabilities?


She's afraid I will screw it up. But yet the only problem we had when the ONE time I tried and that was WITH her watching was there wasn't enough pills at the store to actually full fill the prescription via the phone. So she had to call the store during the day to have the store contact my doctor for a whatever the word is.

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It's typical when men, especially that generation, still don't do laundry and their female family members are doing that
If you could cut those pills with no problem then I don't see why she's being so overprotective. Or is there a possibility for you to actually injure yourself while doing that? I googled those machines and if they look sort of like that
then I don't see how it can be potentially dangerous, but I don't know about your condition as much as you do so that's why I'm asking. If everything's ok then the fact that she forbids you to do that is wrong, imo.
Dad really can't do the laundry- he doesn't turn the shirt inside out, etc. All I need for laundry is instructions to do it. As for the pills we have a similar machine and that's is what I used to cut the pills in 2012 (and Mom also uses it) as well

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I don't think it's about being behind their back cause you're an adult who's free to do things she wants to do. You could just do that without asking their permission and announcing that, but not really trying to do that sneakily like making extra effort to hide it from them or something like that. But maybe you'd feel guilty about that because your parents never had boundaries and never wanted you to be independent. We have a tendency to internalise the way our parents felt about us and were treating us so it's something hard to get rid of. Don't blame yourself too much it that's the case.
They do want me to be independent but they claimed that every time they try to give me more adult responsibility I complain. I mean the only adult responsibility I have is to make the fruit most days (Fridays and weekends are exception) and make the supper once a week. My only other jobs I have to do is 1)empty dishwasher 2)set the table 3)Pour drinks/set out condiments 4)clean up after supper (clearing the table). On Wednesdays (or Thursdays depending if Monday was a holiday) I collect the recycling and occasionally the garbage. and I also 5)doing the school week/year except for holidays and weekends if Dad's making the supper I have to make the salad (and I get annoyed that I have to help with salad making or I can't eat and Mom gets to sit on her *** and do NOTHING but either nap or read the paper after coming home and yet SHE gets to eat despite not contriubting to the meal at ALL?) Except for pouring drinks-The Emptying the dishwasher and set the table are kiddie jobs.
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post #27 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 02:18 PM Thread Starter
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Also I'm wondering if they also want you to stay at home and not to date anyone because they're Christian and they want you not to ''sin'' or something (but on the other hand, they just want you to stay with them forever and not even to marry which Christian or traditional parents would want unless they had some personal hidden reasons to want you to stay with them forever like I said in other posts).
Dad doesn't go to church at all. I used to go to church but I only go on like Easter and Holy Hiltary Sunday. But since every time I came home to Dad (and formerly the dog in the house). Dad would ask me EVERY week 1) "Did you have lunch yet?" and 2)"Where's Mom?" (Mom's is either at choir practice after church or play practice depending where in the year it is) and for the formley question is no I did NOT have lunch. Sure there's a soical time after church but all there is is mostly grapes, banana bread (maybe) and some crackers and cheese and cookies for the kids (plus tea&coffee for the adults and juice for the kids). I mean it would drive anyone crazy having to tell Dad the SAME thing every week since I was 13 (when I first started to walk home from the church on my own). We know some very werid couples at church- Couple A and B were married to other people but once they came to my church they kind of fall in love. We accept gays and there's a two member (used to be 3) member family of Orphans (all of who are YAs or adults) whose parent(s) came to the church. You know how Christ was open for everyone? Well that's how my church is. Gay, straight, Black, Brown, etc, orphans, divorced/ "living in sin". Everyone's is welcome even the children and teens (like literally when they are like 4 years of age and onwards the church asks the children to light the candles and maybe say something about it. Teens might be asked to read the Scripture for instance. In Dec they (the children and teens) kind of do the entire service (except the offering, I don't know, I 'm not there)-by themselves.


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You mean to have kids on your own, without a partner at all? I also think that's a bad option. But I don't think it's a good idea to have kids in general cause we internalize these things from our parents and can only resolve them in therapy, unfortunately. So that would make us bad parents too, whether we know that or not. It's not so much about blindly repeating what our parents have done to us, but more about general mental health because a child requires a lot of energy and a lot of attunement to their emotions and responding to them appropriately (especially babies) which we can't do because of our unconscious mental state
I would prefer a partner but without my parents permission to date (and my friends don't know anyone available since they're all taken) how am I suppose to find a partner to mate with?

I mean these are the options for me to find a partner:
1)Ask friends-tried that no reply and like I said before all of them are taken so they wouldn't really know
2.Volunteer
3)hang out in a coffee shop (not a coffee person)
4) Hang Out in a book store (nearest one is in Ajax unless you count Oshawa Centre or Pickering Town Centre (both are malls).)
5).go on solo trips (hair is a problem unless I was to cut it short like my Mom's) not to mention I don't speak any lanuage other then English and American Sign Language) or money related stuff (for instance..I wanted to buy something for myself online and I can't use normal methods I want to the post office and got a Pay Stuff "card" and I had too much on it ($150) and my parents gave me a scolding for it!.
6).Take a class there's literally nothing interesting in whats available in town because the majority of the classes are bloody fitness classes or dance classes most of which require you to already have a PARTNER. The only Class I'm interested in is a First-Aid class. That or a cooking class but no there aren't any cooking class in this town not for my age group.
7) go to a bar (not a bar person)
8.)go to events but the problem is majority of events (like 99%) are in Toronto and that brings up the entire "bodyguard issue". (Like one of my 3 engaged friends who lives in Toronto..even if I wanted to visit her. I would have to take Mom INTO Toronto she does X well I talk with ((Friend)). and then Mom and I would meet up later and go home I assume if we didn't do something else).
9)I would love to be set up by either family members OR friends but my parents don't want me to get hurt. And my friends don't really know of any available guy (since 3 of the 4 friends are engaged and the 4th been married for 4 years).
10). Speeding dating but a)not in my town and 2)$$
11)I don't know if I will be invited to any of my friends' weddings-I wasn't invited to S1's wedding and if it involves travelling.. well there's the hair issue


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Why do you really want to have kids? I kind of see that as growing up and being surrounded by people who have traditional beliefs. So they probably have these expectations on you and therefore you can only see yourself like that too... I used to be Christian too when I was a teen and when I was communicating with Christians and going to church I also had these ideas imposed on me to the point where I was thinking it was ''Christian'' to do so sometimes so I wanted to become a monk a.k.a. ''nun'' and live in the monastery cause that was the only alternative. Now I kind of distinguish Christianity (i.e. what Jesus said in Bible) from rigid traditional Christians, but yeah none of actual Christians would call me Christian and I wouldn't cause I have doubts, but that's a different story...
The only one who has an exceptions of me having children is myself. My grandpa is in his 90s now. Mom's sister was having some difficulties with him (He had been living with sister and sister's husband) so She and her husband put him in a better retirement home then the ones Grandpa and Grandma were at previously and a close by one. So all supper conversation that was going on at supper that time was about how better that was for everyone. Sitting at the table during supper all I could think about is "without a partner or any children of my own whose the **** is going to be having that kind of talk about ME when I'm in my 90s?"

Here are some examples of possibilities:
1).My sister would be even older then I would be (in her 100s maybe if still alive) so it would have to be her step-children or their children (step-grandchildren(?) 2)my maternal cousins who but 3 are closer to my sister's age not mine and 1 of the three lives in B.C. (Cousin A) currently so she's out, so that leaves My Mom's brother family (that is an adopted daughter Er via his wife-and she-the daughter is even older then my sister,) said daughter's half-sisters (Cousin 'Z , 1 who is the same age as the Cousin A-I think) and the one who is my age cousin R. There is our cousin K (sister of the cousin in B.C.) but she's a half-year younger then my sister). But everyone involved but Cousin A and Cousin K's brother (Cousin D) all either in a relationship (K, and 'Z) and Cousin R had been in a relationship which went as far as them being engaged but it didn't work out. Cousin Er she has a daughter of 3 years now.

Do you know how annoying it was for me to have to go to family reunions and have to pretend to be happy for all those people and I was miserable (like I once started to cry and Mom forbid me to cry) and since my own way to and from the get togethers is via my PARENTS? And I always had to wait for the parents to wait for one of the other travellers to start travelling home before WE could leave.


2)my friends' families IF they have children- Friend K (guess I do have a friend with a similar name to a cousin)-lives east of me. Two of my friends (both who start with S) live in Toronto. Friend L well don't know where she and her fiancee will settle at the moment. I mean there could be the option of (School Friend's Ps sons) but they live nearby Peterborough or School Friend C1's newborn daughter)

3). A complete (but medically-trained) stranger..who would want a complete stranger looking after them in their 90s? That's just an invitation for Senior abuse Sure in some senses I would be semi-wealthy because of what we been doing with money...Dad puts money in from bank account 1 and puts it into bank account 2 which I can't touch until I'm 60 and I think bank account 2 also gets money from the government as well.

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Obviously, you should choose what job you want to do, whether it's a volunteering job or a non-volunteering one. You know about your current strengths and things you can't do so far and they just want to make a certain mold out of you which is entirely wrong, of course.
Have you ever read Paper Towns by John Green? It and his two other books (Looking for Alaska and an Abundance of Katherines) are about sort of "masks" we wear with different people. The mask which sometimes comes on to me when I'm getting really annoyed at my parents is "Act like I'm a 2 year old" mask because from my POV that's the mask they seem to WANT me to wear. If I'm on my own like at my program, or at like Church (my volunteer job) or at Open Door's (a unit of my church) I'm able to wear a more "adult" mask because those places especially the program (with some exceptions) DO treat us/want us to act like adults.
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post #28 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 10:47 AM Thread Starter
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post #29 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-29-2019, 12:03 PM Thread Starter
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@SorryForMyEnglish . I had a meltdown because Dad had to get stupid corn today and Mom PROMISED last night that we would have the leftover Chinese food from Monday (her b-day) today but No because Dad decided on getting CORN today...we have to wait till Saturday to eat the **** Chinese food so I'm pissed about that. Since I'm cooking who-knows-what tomorrow probably stupid Casear Salad again.
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post #30 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-29-2019, 12:33 PM
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@SorryForMyEnglish . I had a meltdown because Dad had to get stupid corn today and Mom PROMISED last night that we would have the leftover Chinese food from Monday (her b-day) today but No because Dad decided on getting CORN today...we have to wait till Saturday to eat the **** Chinese food so I'm pissed about that. Since I'm cooking who-knows-what tomorrow probably stupid Casear Salad again.
Hey! Sorry you're annoyed with your parents. I can relate. That's why people need to separate themselves from their parents, but I know it's not easy at all... The thing is you can't change them, unfortunately... But you can change the way you feel about it in therapy, for example. They owed us stuff as children and now they don't really owe anything... If they were certain way it's most likely they'll continue to be certain way unless they'll want to change themselves by resolving their issues in therapy. But even if you'll require for them to change then nothing will happen unfortunately... It's a decision they can only make by themselves. More so, if they never really respected you as an adult and a separate person with your own opinion, they won't respond to your frustrations and won't take it seriously. Been there, done that.

I will reply to your other posts as well as the posts of other users later. Sorry for that. I just don't have the energy now.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
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I just want purpose in my life and my SimLit, day-program, and volunteer jobs aren't enough. Not like any single male from any other country (and there's quite a few countries that read my SimLit) is going to come half-way across the world just to meet the real me? I really wish that society had balls and dances like there were in like Pride and Prejudice, and Downton Abbey among others. Of course I would be consider a spinster by those standards being 8 years older then 21. I have no purpose in Life besides my SimLit, my church volunteer job (starting on Wednesday) and being supportive of people at my day-program. I need more purpose outside of those things and I haven't gotten it. What am I suppose to do start a new-old trend being "the travelling" dinner guest at my old school friends' parents' house rather or not the school friend is there (or any potential partners?)
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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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I really like making tacco salad. It's the only think I can make without supervision (that I want). But out of the several weeks of summer (June 21)-now except for one night of leftover hot-dogs and a week my Mom and I weren't in town- I only made Taco salad twice- on July the 12 and August 2nd. Every other week for weeks on end (besides the already mentioned weeks) I been non-stop making ****ing Chicken Caesar Salad and I bloody hate it by now!! Yet despite only having tacco salad twice this blasted summer (and one taco salad WRAP)-the parents are sick of it! I'm sick of making Chicken Caesar Salad every single week I'm bloody cook. Its been non-stop except for the 2 times I made tacco salad that every Friday-its Caesar Salad, its Caesar Salad, EVERY Week. I'm only making supper tonight because of the Thursday's Change of plans regarding leftover Chinese food.
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 01:28 PM Thread Starter
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 02:02 PM
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-05-2019, 07:23 PM Thread Starter
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 12:02 AM
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What do you mean by SimLit, like Sims stories?

I used to read a bunch of those years ago. A lot of good ones but my favourites that stuck in my head were Strangetown Here We Come (which was a series set in Strange Town with the Maxis Sims but I think the main focus was the slowly evolving poly relationship between Johnny, Ophelia and Ripp Grunt,) and Deception Pass (which was basically TV level good and sort of like Buffy. Some of the characters were inspired by members of The Cure, Spike from Buffy and a character introduced later called Jacob based on Patrick Wolf, probably cause of this song) those were on Livejournal + Dreamwidth (though both the creators are now on tumblr.) I guess Strangetown was more of a Sim story though since Deception Pass was more of a story/universe two women wrote for like a couple of decades or so before deciding to use The Sims as a medium.

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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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What do you mean by SimLit, like Sims stories?

I used to read a bunch of those years ago. A lot of good ones but my favourites that stuck in my head were Strangetown Here We Come (which was a series set in Strange Town with the Maxis Sims but I think the main focus was the slowly evolving poly relationship between Johnny, Ophelia and Ripp Grunt,) and Deception Pass (which was basically TV level good and sort of like Buffy. Some of the characters were inspired by members of The Cure, Spike from Buffy and a character introduced later called Jacob based on Patrick Wolf, probably cause of this song) those were on Livejournal + Dreamwidth (though both the creators are now on tumblr.) I guess Strangetown was more of a Sim story though since Deception Pass was more of a story/universe two women wrote for like a couple of decades or so before deciding to use The Sims as a medium.

Yeah Sim Stories.. it's termed "SimLit" now... and mine is very good. But I feel like due to my not ever dated or romance (the closet I got to romance is one crush in elementary school aka JK-Gr. in even my high school years or the 10 years afterwards, I kind of skim through dating and romance part of the Generations (half way through Gen 7 now) because I don't feel I can do them justice when I don't have experience outside of movies or books or others' SimLit stories which isn't the same thing as going through those emotions yourself.
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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-14-2019, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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If I want to sneak off and date this year will be my only year to actually do it. Since Mom's going to retire at the end of this year which means it will be harder for me to do it (without Mom coming as a chaperone). I would really like to start my own family and I don't want to end up like one of my Dad's friends, who is a gender-flipped version, of a spinster aunt who has a lot of health problems. (no family besides his brother?'s children) and because he complains so much about the problems most of his friends except Dad stop seeing him.
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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I finally got Mom to agree about one thing in regards to the list of ways of finding potential dates. That the interesting stuff for people my age only happens in Toronto and I can't go into Toronto on my own
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 02:46 PM
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If I want to sneak off and date this year will be my only year to actually do it. Since Mom's going to retire at the end of this year which means it will be harder for me to do it (without Mom coming as a chaperone). I would really like to start my own family and I don't want to end up like one of my Dad's friends, who is a gender-flipped version, of a spinster aunt who has a lot of health problems. (no family besides his brother?'s children) and because he complains so much about the problems most of his friends except Dad stop seeing him.
Hey. I think it's good that you're looking for ways to meet other people, craving a relationship and even a family. I mean it's a healthy wish and it's vital. The only thing I don't understand is that you want to have kids as well to be cared for when you're old or to feel full somehow. These are not right reasons to have kids and they're illusionary because you end up not feeling your expectations fullfilled and ruining their life too. Of course, I'm ringing the alarm too soon since these are your only long-term plans, but I felt like saying it because I feel very strongly about it and about my own self being born for wrong reasons and my whole life being ruined and pointless because of these people who made such irresponsoble desicions in their lifes about having kids (my grandparents and then parents). Don't think I'll be alive at the time when they're old and need to be taken care of and if I will be then still no, don't think I'll be capable financially. As for emotionally then this is a no for sure because they weren't this way to me and not only I wouldn't want to do this cause it'd be unfair, most importantly, I don't have it in me because of not being treated this way as a child or ever (yet they expect the reverse from their daughters, grandmother from my mother and my mother from me, maybe since these daughters are small children even). That's how people's psyche develops, since the moment you're born if not before. Parents are responsible for what's forming or not forming. Having children for me would mean burdening someone with constant suffering and soon death in very young ages, even if I had all the necessary finances to support the child. I feel so strongly about it I sometimes have nightmares about getting involuntary pregnant and about to give birth to a child/children, and having ones before already :/

Another thing is marriages are not always happy and lots of people have lots of issues so it's kinda impossible to make things perfect.....

Anyway, I don't want to be the pain in the ***. I know how it sounds to someone who's pouring their heart in the thread about their actual problems... Been there on this site and here I myself sound like people whose responses I didn't like in my thread that felt quite insensitive and intrusive...

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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