Dating vs. Parents - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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Dating vs. Parents


I know my parents worry a lot about me. It just I been wanting to date for the last several years and that's just is a huge block for my parents. I want to be able to date but my parents don't want me to get hurt by "lemons" out there. But I have to go through a couple of "Lemons" before I could find a possible non-lemon and I know the signs to watch out for of abusiveness because of me researching it for my SimLit and of what I have heard at my program. So What should I do? Basically because they don't want me to get hurt by lemons its basically means going behind their backs to actually date since I don't have any other option.

I literally have no purpose in life besides my SimLit which is apparently really popular all over the world, being a support for a friend from (program) and that's it. I want to volunteer at these places: animal shelter (even before we lost the one dog-aka she passed away(-I wanted to volunteer here... parents worry about me wanting to clean up poop or vomit), gift shop at a retirement home (just so I can practise w/ money) the parents (mostly Mom) on the other hand would rather I be a Visitor for the elders in the retirement homes, and a differently-able therapy (?)centre's receptionist (Mom's worried about me talking on the phone don't have a lot of oppurntiines for that). None of the classes in this town seem interesting the majority of adult classes are fitness classes and they don't interest me at all.


I wish my Mom wouldn't bring up ladies from the choice who been divorced once or twice. So What should I do?
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post #2 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 08:11 PM Thread Starter
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Hello,
I think it depends on how old are u. If you are above 18, they can give you advice and try to help etc. but they can not control your life. Try to consider their views (usually are useful), but eventually you should rely on yourself. Think what might be good for you, what can make you happier etc.
I'm in my late 20s. I know there are lemons out there...but I need to risk that. I hate it that my school friends are all getting engaged/married, even Sims in others' peoples works (SimLit) are getting into relationships, all my music I listen too has to do with Romantic relations (or ex-romantic relationships) and I never been in any relationship except daughter-parents; a niece-auncles, a granddaughter-grandparent(s);or girlfriend-girlfriends.
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post #3 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 08:20 PM
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Without knowing anything else about you, the easy answer is to put distance between them and yourself. They don't need to know you're dating, especially if you're in your late twenties. If you live with them, move out. If you don't live with them, put them on an information diet. Then go live your life and date, if that is what you want.
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post #4 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 08:34 PM Thread Starter
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Without knowing anything else about you, the easy answer is to put distance between them and yourself. They don't need to know you're dating, especially if you're in your late twenties. If you live with them, move out. If you don't live with them, put them on an information diet. Then go live your life and date, if that is what you want.

I'm have Special needs (I don't have SA but I have GAD but its might be tied to my self-digoanized Aspergers), I been living in this same house for 29 years. Due to my special needs I don't think I can live on my own (I'm not psychically disabled just sort of mentally and developmentally disabled), seriously no matter how many times I beg my parents for me to be responsible for renewing my own prescriptions- Mom STILL does them and I hate that!. I only say I don't think I can live on my own is something which happened ages ago(I was about 10)- during a spring Girl Guides Camp I ended up having low blood sugar and had to be taken to a hospital (I'm not diabetic through). When I have my yearly appointment with my Specialist in Toronto, I have to have a parent (presumably Dad) in the exam room because the parents think I wouldn't be able to understand the doctor (another thing I detest about my parents' over protectiveness), 3)My Mom still does the cutting of one my medications (Doctor's orders) and yet I did that job the ONE summer Mom wasn't at home and yet..she's not letting me do it now?
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post #5 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 08:44 PM Thread Starter
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Sure my friend, there are all kinds of people out there, including good people too. Try to follow your insticts and logically analyze who might be okay and remember there is no rush. “He who doesn't risk never gets to drink champagne.”
When you consider when I was 17 (almost 1.. I was able to identify a girl in my Gr.12 drama class who was being nice to me for no reason was a "Queenbee". So you would think I would be able to tell whose's good and whose bad (My parents said before I have a good judge of character)
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post #6 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 09:09 PM Thread Starter
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also try to live peacefully with your parents. Talk with them about your feelings, be very honest. Say that you understand, they are concerned about you, but now you are unhappy and lonely, and dating might change it. If they arent understandable might be hard to live peacefully.
I been wanting a boyfriend since I was 17 (for Prom) and I'm 12 years older then that and my parents just bring up someone who only got married as a elder for the first time. Or they mention one of my great-aunts who lived her entire life with the parents(?) until they died(?), and then today she mentioned those "church ladies" who had to deal with divorce once or twice. It just when I'm old I don't want to have to rely on my sister's potential family, my cousins' families, friends' families, or a complete stranger to take care of me but either my own partner or the kids I want to have one day. They say that someone will come my way.. and literally no one has come my way in the last 12 years. I don't go out much except during the school year to "Volunteer job" at my church once a week, to my program twice a week, and to bowling once a week. I can go to a mall two towns over from my own town for a lunch on my own but other then that I don't get out of the house a lot.


It's next to impossible to live peacefully with my parents when I want to date and my parents wouldn't let me for fear of getting hurt. I been upset for years about it and its just been really, really bad since Febuary(?) when the leftover 2 of my friends got engaged (1st of the 3 girlfriends got engaged in October). My parents don't understand and aren't planning to change my mind. I literally told my Mom that I felt lonely and that didn't seem to matter to her.
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post #7 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 10:04 PM
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I'm have Special needs (I don't have SA but I have GAD but its might be tied to my self-digoanized Aspergers), I been living in this same house for 29 years. Due to my special needs I don't think I can live on my own (I'm not psychically disabled just sort of mentally and developmentally disabled), seriously no matter how many times I beg my parents for me to be responsible for renewing my own prescriptions- Mom STILL does them and I hate that!. I only say I don't think I can live on my own is something which happened ages ago(I was about 10)- during a spring Girl Guides Camp I ended up having low blood sugar and had to be taken to a hospital (I'm not diabetic through). When I have my yearly appointment with my Specialist in Toronto, I have to have a parent (presumably Dad) in the exam room because the parents think I wouldn't be able to understand the doctor (another thing I detest about my parents' over protectiveness), 3)My Mom still does the cutting of one my medications (Doctor's orders) and yet I did that job the ONE summer Mom wasn't at home and yet..she's not letting me do it now?
I don't think it matters if you have special needs and live with your parents (moreover, because of this need you don't even have any other option so you're forced to live with them) because you're an adult and your parents should respect your boundaries, should have boundaries to begin with and should respect you being an autonomous adult. But this never happened unfortunately. Many parents have boundaries issues since the time their children were small and their child having special needs is not an excuse at all. So a child like that grows up being unaware that there's something wrong with how parents treated them because that's the only thing they know. It is very wrong and your parents have serious issues so I hope you'll find the courage to separate yourself from them mentally and to confront them about it. You're in a very difficult situation because you're forced to live with them, but you should have clear boundaries and be mentally autonomous anyway. They clearly disrespect and diminish you in general as well.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #8 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 10:13 PM Thread Starter
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How dependent on them you are? if you dont consider moving out, its a bad situation :/

I don't have a paying job.. I don't want to risk loosing my prescribe drugs which on disability income, I get for free, and the risk of getting kicked of off disability income at an unknown amount. Not to mention I don't want to tell with the nasty bosses (going to call them Woozles from last night's Christopher Robin the parents&I watched last night) that I read about on Not Always Right site, since if they do any of the NAR woozle crap I see I would be either out the door or quit over the phone (depending on the scenario), and I can't do my own hair because of lower fine motor skill, and I would need an extra pair of hands to put some special eye stuff in my eyes for bed time.
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post #9 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 10:28 PM
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You know, you probably think they're taking care of you and they're trying to protect you, but they're doing this out of selfish reasons even though they probably don't realize it themselves. They want to make you way more dependent than you need to be and they want you just for themselves which means they want you to satisfy their certain needs that were unmet in their own childhood with their own parents. Sounds very sick, doesn't it?

Parenting that makes children grow into independent mentally healthy adults is the opposite of that. It's supposed to be a selfless act where parents are appropriately responding to the baby's/child's needs at each stage of development. I'm just saying this because so few people know this. And if they're having boundaries issues like that now then it's a sign that something was wrong back then too.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #10 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 10:33 PM Thread Starter
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I don't think it matters if you have special needs and live with your parents (moreover, because of this need you don't even have any other option so you're forced to live with them) because you're an adult and your parents should respect your boundaries, should have boundaries to begin with and should respect you being an autonomous adult. But this never happened unfortunately. Many parents have boundaries issues since the time their children were small and their child having special needs is not an excuse at all. So a child like that grows up being unaware that there's something wrong with how parents treated them because that's the only thing they know. It is very wrong and your parents have serious issues so I hope you'll find the courage to separate yourself from them mentally and to confront them about it. You're in a very difficult situation because you're forced to live with them, but you should have clear boundaries and be mentally autonomous anyway. They clearly disrespect and diminish you in general as well.
I tried confronting them about at least 2 of the three things and for the Prescription renewal their reply is "I might screw it up" (Mom does it over the phone aka dial the RX number)-and the other year after learning what an RX number is, I literally helped Mom out when she couldn't renew one of my medications since I wrote down the meds' RX number and took it to the drug store in person, for the Doctor Visits their excuse is "I might not be able to understand the doctor" and when I confronted Mom this afternoon about me wanting to date Mom said "We don't want you to get hurt by bad people out there".
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post #11 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-24-2019, 10:52 PM
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I tried confronting them about at least 2 of the three things and for the Prescription renewal their reply is "I might screw it up" (Mom does it over the phone aka dial the RX number)-and the other year after learning what an RX number is, I literally helped Mom out when she couldn't renew one of my medications since I wrote down the meds' RX number and took it to the drug store in person, for the Doctor Visits their excuse is "I might not be able to understand the doctor" and when I confronted Mom this afternoon about me wanting to date Mom said "We don't want you to get hurt by bad people out there".
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. It's hard for me to come up with another possible advice because it's a very difficult situation, but there should be a way. They're so disrespectful and manipulative towards you though! They're using the fact that you have a physical condition to question your mental capabilities. Can you talk to the doctor about this, for example? There should be some way to restrict them... Or could you try to do those things alone without letting your parents now?

Reminds me of what I was reading about Britney Spears where her parents and some other people legally stripped her off her rights because of her having a disorder to take an absolute control over her life and finances. I don't even understand how it's legal and how they could achieve it in America. Everyone who has a mental illness has a right for autonomy. It's so incredibly dehumanizing to them!

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.

Last edited by SorryForMyEnglish; 08-24-2019 at 11:02 PM. Reason: Added a few things I thought of later
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post #12 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 04:39 AM
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I dont know, maybe they are just thinking she's too dumb to do some stuff on her own. Like, she wouldnt even be able to recognize toxic people and won't see if someone will
want to hurt her, or even won't get a presciption renewal. If that is the case, they just dont believe in her own daughter, they lack of trust.
How is that contradictory to what I said? They do all those things and that simply means being disrespectful and diminishing to their daughter. They don't have boundaries and unconsciously they're motivated by things I wrote about getting things from her emotionally...

Plus there'd be a huge difference if someone who's not her parent was just thinking all those things vs her parents. Parents have a tremendous influence on the way someone's personality and psyche are formed. Most people still go into adulthood unaware of how actually toxic their relationship with their parents were and are so they still allow that influence.

She's an adult and if she wants to date that means she should do whatever she wants to. There are many users and manipulators and they can do that to everybody. Her parents are just using her physical condition as an excuse to control her actions. Actually parents are the most powerful manipulators because of the influence they have on their children since childhood.

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I wonder how would your parents react if you would just go for a date without listening them XD
I don't think adult people should care about those things. If they do then there's something wrong with boundaries within their family.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #13 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 06:33 AM
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Sounds like dating is just the apex of a smattering of other issues. To OP - you don't want a job in order to keep your disability payments, which means you'll be stuck with your parents for the time being. Not having a job does not mean you can't develop job skills. You mentioned Toronto. The Toronto public library system has quite a few educational databases and all you need is a library card. Lynda is my particular favorite. It covers soft skills, basic Microsoft Office usage (EVERY job requires you to know Word/Excel to some degree), and more advance coding or tech support training if you want to go that direction.

I've seen some women that are putty in the hands of whatever man comes along and that might be what your parents are trying to avoid. All it takes is a few manipulative talks and she'll destroy herself for him. Relationships can be powerful heady stuff. I wish I was joking, but the last one I knew ended up dead due to it. On the flip side, you can't waste your life and be a closeted church lady until you die. Develop yourself. Physically, mentally, etc so that when you do date you have a pool of confidence and experience to help you get through it. Best of luck.
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post #14 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 07:44 AM
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I've seen some women that are putty in the hands of whatever man comes along and that might be what your parents are trying to avoid. All it takes is a few manipulative talks and she'll destroy herself for him. Relationships can be powerful heady stuff. I wish I was joking, but the last one I knew ended up dead due to it. On the flip side, you can't waste your life and be a closeted church lady until you die. Develop yourself. Physically, mentally, etc so that when you do date you have a pool of confidence and experience to help you get through it. Best of luck.
Excusez-moi, but it's ok if a woman is a '''closeted church lady until she dies'' or if she doesn't have any relationship at all cause women are there for themselves, just like men are. Yet men who want to remain single for the rest of their lives don't get such diminishing weird rude comments and stereotypes.

The problem is it's not really her choice and that's what her parents want her to be. And the self development should be for the sake of self-development, not for the sake of future relationships. And no ''physical development'', whatever you meant by that, can prevent feeling a heartbreak as intensively as the woman in your example. If it's there then it's because of the deeper issues from childhood, as I said already. No superficial external effort can change the unconscious attitude towards relationship. Of course, being independent financially can help not to stuck with the abuser because you can move out from him soon as opposed to women who want to move out, but simply don't have means to do that, but that's another story.

Oh wow so you knew someone who ended up like that so what? These things happen due to childhood traumas and unconsciously looking for a savior/caregiver (which men do too). This source of the problem that's in everyone's personal history can be understood and resolved in therapy. It's not like it just happens for no reason and it's supposed to happen this way all the time. It's definitely not an excuse for her parents to keep her away from that and it's definitely about the lack of boundaries they have. It's a disrespect. They don't have a right to control her life and to manipulate her.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #15 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 08:04 AM
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Excusez-moi, but it's ok if a woman is a '''closeted church lady until she dies'' or if she doesn't have any relationship at all cause women are there for themselves, just like men are. Yet men who want to remain single for the rest of their lives don't get such diminishing weird rude comments and stereotypes.

The problem is it's not really her choice and that's what her parents want her to be. And the self development should be for the sake of self-development, not for the sake of future relationships. And no ''physical development'', whatever you meant by that, can prevent feeling a heartbreak as intensively as the woman in your example. If it's there then it's because of the deeper issues from childhood, as I said already. No superficial external effort can change the unconscious attitude towards relationship.

Oh wow so you knew someone who ended up like that so what? These things happen due to childhood traumas and unconsciously looking for a savior/caregiver (which men do too). This source of the problem that's in everyone's personal history can be understood and resolved in therapy. It's not like it just happens for no reason and it's supposed to happen this way all the time. It's definitely not an excuse for her parents to keep her away from it and it's definitely about the lack of boundaries they have. It's a disrespect.
EDIT - you're right on most accounts. If you're responding to my original message sorry for jumping down your throat due to it touching one of my work-related issues.
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post #16 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 08:32 AM
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Well yes, she could stay a closeted church lady until she dies. Same for men. Just like it's okay for someone to be a monk and live in a monastery. It ain't illegal.

I work with homeless people.

Many of them were sheltered and then when their parents passed or living situation went sideways, out they go onto the street with no social skills, no employable skills, mental illness, and just waiting to be victimized. Yes, I knew someone who ended up like that and I have 5-7 new ones who started that road this past month. The women end up with pimps and the men get robbed monthly for their disability checks. It might be disrespectful and rude, but I'm tired of watching people walk into that life so if I have chance to say something I will. Being skilled, healthy, and as level headed as one can be means you are less likely to end up in a desperate situation where an abusive "relationship" is the only way to have a bed. Obviously OP isn't to that point. I agree development should be for development and not for the sake of a relationship, the point I was trying to make was to develop oneself before entering a relationship to lower the chance of becoming dependent.
Therapy is wonderful, but it isn't like I can ask a pimp if he can pencil one of his girls out for a group therapy session.

By physical development I meant getting in shape for health and employment reasons. Not attractiveness.
It''s true, but sometimes people just can't do all those things because of their mental illnesses. What they need is therapy, but obviously they can't afford it and the long-term therapy is not provided for them. Mental illnesses don't come out of nowhere, most of them occur because of childhood trauma and it's not only the obvious examples that people think of when they hear ''childhood trauma'', but stuff like severe emotional neglect etc.

In my humble opinion, your advice is definitely helpful and very good, but the problem is it's way more difficult for the person themselves than it seems to you from your own perspective. It's not just like ''wake up tomorrow and from then on start doing this and this and this quickly''. Would they end up like that if they could do that so easily and cared about their own wellbeing? It's very easy to underestimate their situation.

I've also heard that most homeless women end up in prostitution. This is why it's unfair to say that women get a better end out of it like different reactionaries like to say when they bring up the issue of homelessness. In a normal world pimps are not supposed to exist at all. This is why many people are campaigning for Nordic model to criminalize them and are against the use of prostitution.

Edit: nothing to be sorry about, it's a good advice anyway. I was just adding stuff to that because of what I also personally know... Kudos to you for doing such an important job. Lots of respect! It would be weird if someone wasn't affected by the stuff that happens there and didn't want to vent.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #17 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 09:04 AM
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It''s true, but sometimes people just can't do all those things because of their mental illnesses. What they need is therapy, but obviously they can't afford it and the long-term therapy is not provided for them. Mental illnesses don't come out of nowhere, most of them occur because of childhood trauma and it's not only the obvious examples that people think of when they hear ''childhood trauma'', but stuff like severe emotional neglect etc.

In my humble opinion, your advice is definitely helpful and very good, but the problem is it's way more difficult for the person themselves than it seems to you from your own perspective. It's not just like ''wake up tomorrow and from then on start doing this and this and this quickly''. Would they end up like that if they could do that so easily and cared about their own wellbeing? It's very easy to underestimate their situation.

I've also heard that most homeless women end up in prostitution. This is why it's unfair to say that women get a better end out of it like different reactionaries like to say when they bring up the issue of homelessness. In a normal world pimps are not supposed to exist at all. This is why many people are campaigning for Nordic model to criminalize them and are against the use of prostitution.

Edit: nothing to be sorry about, it's a good advice anyway. I was just adding stuff to that because of what I also personally know... Kudos to you for doing such an important job. Lots of respect! It would be weird if someone wasn't affected by the stuff that happens there and didn't want to vent.
Thanks. Yeah I know it isn't that easy for them to get moving with life. I'm not out there shouting at them to get jobs lol - I help when they let me. And I'm not that great at life myself (I'm here aren't I), but it's great how we can do little things that can make a difference if we're in the right place.

I'm all for a change of laws on sex work. I hate seeing people be victimized. We try to direct them to shelters or programs but our local lowlifes have started trolling around those as well. One girl in particular, she was 18 and acted like she was 12. So clueless. One of my coworkers tried to keep an eye on her, but since she's 18 we can't call in social services. Sure enough she walked out one day with a pimp and we haven't seen her since. He comes in every day, sits in the waiting area near my desk for the free wifi and cool A/C. I just want to grab him and ask what he did with her and if the kid is okay. Maybe I should've been more involved with trying to get her clean and in a program.
Ugh. Anyway.
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post #18 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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Sounds like dating is just the apex of a smattering of other issues. To OP - you don't want a job in order to keep your disability payments, which means you'll be stuck with your parents for the time being. Not having a job does not mean you can't develop job skills. You mentioned Toronto. The Toronto public library system has quite a few educational databases and all you need is a library card. Lynda is my particular favorite. It covers soft skills, basic Microsoft Office usage (EVERY job requires you to know Word/Excel to some degree), and more advance coding or tech support training if you want to go that direction.

I've seen some women that are putty in the hands of whatever man comes along and that might be what your parents are trying to avoid. All it takes is a few manipulative talks and she'll destroy herself for him. Relationships can be powerful heady stuff. I wish I was joking, but the last one I knew ended up dead due to it. On the flip side, you can't waste your life and be a closeted church lady until you die. Develop yourself. Physically, mentally, etc so that when you do date you have a pool of confidence and experience to help you get through it. Best of luck.


@Owlbear if you actually paid attention I said I Go INTO Toronto (which means I don't LIVE in Toronto) for my Yearly Specialist appointment. I already know how to use Microsoft World and Excel (I went to Durham College for Office Admin/Office Tech Admin). I can't go into Toronto on my own without a freaking' "bodyguard" (and 2 of my friends both in couples live in Toronto, one is up north with her fiance and another one is east (?) of me with her fiancee).

@Sorryfor my English-I'm allowed to take the bus on my own to and from my day-program normally (the only exception is 1.a pot luck at the building or 2.its Picnic day down at the park. I'm also allowed to take the bus to/from Pickering Town Centre on occasion by myself.

But the irony is the sometimes joke about me taking care of them when they are Grandpa's age (he's 90ish) but when in the here and now I can't even take care of myself because they wouldn't let me take over my own stuff (hair-braiding is one thing) but the other stuff? I'm can't talk to a doctor about it because every time I'm with a doctor either the once a year (May) appointment or a family doctor a parent is in the room with me so what's good is that?.




The "Closet Church Lady" thing is what I'm afraid I will become because I don't want to have to rely on family (my sister's, my cousins' families) or my friends' families, or a complete stranger, I want my own family (ie a partner/adult kids) to take care of ME when I'm in 70s and 80s.

I once tried to change my bed on my own and the parents got mad at me. Ok Mom had a good reason to be mad (she still had her cast from January on at the time) but otherwise I need to start doing things for myself. All weekdays (Sunday Night-Thursday night) through the school and (Monday-Thursday during the summer) I been making the fruit. (Fridays and weekends are the exception) and I also make supper once a week.


Ps. I was in bed it was almost 1 in the morning
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post #19 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 09:53 AM
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Thanks. Yeah I know it isn't that easy for them to get moving with life. I'm not out there shouting at them to get jobs lol - I help when they let me. And I'm not that great at life myself (I'm here aren't I), but it's great how we can do little things that can make a difference if we're in the right place.

I'm all for a change of laws on sex work. I hate seeing people be victimized. We try to direct them to shelters or programs but our local lowlifes have started trolling around those as well. One girl in particular, she was 18 and acted like she was 12. So clueless. One of my coworkers tried to keep an eye on her, but since she's 18 we can't call in social services. Sure enough she walked out one day with a pimp and we haven't seen her since. He comes in every day, sits in the waiting area near my desk for the free wifi and cool A/C. I just want to grab him and ask what he did with her and if the kid is okay. Maybe I should've been more involved with trying to get her clean and in a program.
Ugh. Anyway.
She was acting like that also because of her personal history. People don't emotionally mature when they didn't have their certain needs met at appropriate time in childhood. So unconsciously they seek meeting those needs with whomever gets on their way (relationship-wise).

In relation to this thread though, it's a huge difference when someone like you, a stranger and someone who only met them at certain point of their live when the damage has been done to them already, points out the immaturity vs when parents do so because of the things I wrote before. Can't stress enough how toxic of them it is. Needless to say, there are so many immature people, probably the majority, and even every person to some extent, but they still get into relationships all the time and they live on their own too if they have means to do that. And I'm not saying that because I think that's what Disneywoman's parents see. I think they come up with those things to manipulate her and that's all. And even if someone's actually immature (most of us), that's not what their parents mean when things like that happen. At least because they're the source of the problem and are immature themselves due to their own issues. Yet here they are, always free to do immature things and not restricted and not stripped of their dignity.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #20 of 43 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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She was acting like that also because of her personal history. People don't emotionally mature when they didn't have their certain needs met at appropriate time in childhood. So unconsciously they seek meeting those needs with whomever gets on their way (relationship-wise).

In relation to this thread though, it's a huge difference when someone like you, a stranger and someone who only met them at certain point of their live when the damage has been done to them already, points out the immaturity vs when parents do so because of the things I wrote before. Can't stress enough how toxic of them it is. Needless to say, there are so many immature people, probably the majority, and even every person to some extent, but they still get into relationships all the time and they live on their own too if they have means to do that. And I'm not saying that because I think that's what Disneywoman's parents see. I think they come up with those things to manipulate her and that's all. And even if someone's actually immature (most of us), that's not what their parents mean when things like that happen. At least because they're the source of the problem and are immature themselves due to their own issues. Yet here they are, always free to do immature things and not restricted and not stripped of their dignity.
My parents once I said I'm a good judge of character. With the exception of my parents- the only toxic people I had in my life were bullies in late elementary school (Gr.7/8.) and early high school. Also the Queenbee in Gr.12 Drama class. But I didn't hang out with any of them when they're toxic to me. I know the signs to watch out before because 1)I researched it for my own SimLit 2)I hear people talk about it on occasion about their ex-partner being abusive to them from my program.

And it was at my doctor's appointment in May (and before that with Mom and my new family doctor) that since I was 18 the resident or the doctor asks me if I'm planning to get pregnant anytime soon and that made me terribley upset. I want to have a partner before I have a pregnancy.
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