Originally Posted by Disheveled and Lost
I am a guy and my experience from online dating is that for the average run of the mill guy, he needs to message about 250 women before one agrees to meet them, and women are choosing between 50 potential guys who are flooding their inbox to capacity. As a lesbian, I imagine the playing field is more even. I personally would not be that direct in how you phrase things. I just think in general if you are texting or messaging through a site, EVERYTHING should be hinted at or alluded to. I just think you are better off NEVER being direct. For example, if you want to meet someone, instead of saying, "Would you like to meet for a drink sometime" instead of that, maybe say for example, "I am going to a seedy bar saturday and I look incredibly cute in my new hat, I am going to be there at 8PM on sunday and I ordered you a drink in advance with a twirly straw and a twist of lemon" I mean i just made that up from the top of my head, but my point is, i think you need to say flirty things to a bunch of different people and eventually, without you even trying to set up a meeting, you can create so much anticipation in THEIR mind, they will ask YOU to meet, if done correctly. There is no shame in messaging like 10 people at a time, you have to play the numbers game
The thing is, I don't like hints or signs. Things can be misinterpreted or at best it's me doing all the work, which I'm tired of chasing people. The whole point of a dating site is to speed through the process and get to the point. I guess we have to ask ourselves if it's really worth the time and effort.
I've messaged a lot of people, and I think it mainly comes down to location. I'd much rather hang out with this girl I like at work vs. driving 1.5-2 hours away just for an absolute maybe. Then if we do like each other, ugh, then what. Make that a fling and then do the whole process again. Pretty faces and personalities start to fade once reality sets in and you're spending lots of time, energy, gas, money etc. for a complete stranger. Still, I do have at admit this whole online dating mess is better than sitting around with nothing but my current breakup on my mind (which wasn't much of a relationship to begin with [we met on fb]).
Originally Posted by A Toxic Butterfly
Basically what I'm saying is, if it truly was about meeting someone you're interested in getting to know, you'd have some messages by now. I'd be curious to chat with prospective guys, whether their profile pulled me in right away or not, because that's hardly enough to go on (unless it starts off truly terrible or where something offensive is written in the bio that turned me off). Once we get to talking though, it's more the chemistry, and it is either there or it isn't, there isn't anything a person can do to "fix" it.
There's been MANY situations where I've locked into perfect chemistry with people. I get all excited because I have a goal, like I've finally found a real person that gets me and is needing someone like me. Then all of a sudden poof! They vanish. They stop messaging. It makes absolutely no sense. It's like they get cold feet, and even after mentioning plans to meet up. I feel like there's too many factors to the point of this being a near fantasy scenario. It's a bit like playing the lotto, because if dating sites worked like they were intended we wouldn't be writing these kinds of things in threads like this. Expectations like you mentioned is another huge factor that's just added on to the pile of things.