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-   -   Dating sites are making me mad (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/dating-sites-are-making-me-mad-2224325/)

Keyblade 06-09-2019 12:12 PM

Dating sites are making me mad
 
I've been trying dating sites (a paid one, okcupid, tinder..) for like a year now (on and off) and all i've gotten is 1 date that didn't lead anywhere.

95% of the time, any message i send either gets ignored or read but never replied to.

if there is a reply, then it is a 1 way train and i'm the only one running the conversation.

I'm not only bad in conversation but also (below) average looking and it's just not working out for me.

I'll never be able to find someone IRL either because i refuse to go to places alone and i have no close friends.

i'm so doomed. Everyday i get more and more depressed. I just wish i was atleast better looking. Then i atleast would be able to get more chats going. Now i get basically none... Atleast i could practice more with more matches/messages.

Whenever i'm out in public alone, i feel so awkward. i'd never be able to start a conversation with a girl in public. I also have issues looking at the person's eyes when i talk myself and i stumble over words. I tend to look in opposite directions because i'm so unsure about everything i say.

It's just frustrating me so badly... I'm just not in the mood to do anything.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a sweet guy that only wants to make other people happy... Getting a GF would make me so much happier. I know this because of my EX (don't even ask, idk how i managed that...)

i've also gained quite a bit of weight since that EX though i'm working on losing weight again but i'm sure it's not just that.. i just don't know anymore...

Honestly, if i would just fall asleep and never wake up, i wouldnt mind at this point...

Thanks for reading if you get this far.

blue2 06-09-2019 12:39 PM

I wonder if you wrote "millionaire seeks wife" how many replies would you get :lol

andy1984 06-09-2019 12:41 PM

the last girl that messaged me on tinder hardly said anything and then stopped replying after I said I work part time. lol.

most people are pretty boring despite the front they put up.

a gf would be nice, just not the wrong one. there's no big hurry.

Keyblade 06-09-2019 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blue2 (Post 1093738027)
I wonder if you wrote "millionaire seeks wife" how many replies would you get :lol

not many more because i'm sure most girls judge your picture only lol.

This paid dating site i'm on actually blurs out the pictures. So i've gotten some chats with them but they stop replying after i share my pics lol. not even a joke. It actually makes me feel **** even more.

Keyblade 06-09-2019 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andy1984 (Post 1093738029)
the last girl that messaged me on tinder hardly said anything and then stopped replying after I said I work part time. lol.

most people are pretty boring despite the front they put up.

a gf would be nice, just not the wrong one. there's no big hurry.

it must be because they're probably overloaded with messages by other guys and dont put as much attention to the chats since we only have 1 girl to message at a time.

I've always wanted to have a family with a son/daughter before i turned 30. No way i'm gonna make this :(

I turn 28 in a couple months.

blue2 06-09-2019 01:22 PM

11 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Keyblade (Post 1093738041)

not many more because i'm sure most girls judge your picture only lol.

This paid dating site i'm on actually blurs out the pictures. So i've gotten some chats with them but they stop replying after i share my pics lol. not even a joke. It actually makes me feel **** even more.

....So Much for personality, the girls on that site must all be models if they can afford to be so judgemental on looks, personally I wouldn't even bother with that crap by the sounds of it.

andy1984 06-09-2019 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keyblade (Post 1093738045)
it must be because they're probably overloaded with messages by other guys and dont put as much attention to the chats since we only have 1 girl to message at a time.

I've always wanted to have a family with a son/daughter before i turned 30. No way i'm gonna make this :(

I turn 28 in a couple months.

they needn't be overloaded on tinder, they just need to like fewer guys/be more selective.

I don't want to have children. but I thought you are a guy... you will be able to have children even when you're old and senile. maybe you should just get a dog or cat anyway.

JerryAndSports 06-09-2019 01:53 PM

Girls on the apps are very selective because they can. My friend thatís a girl showed me one day her swiping everybody and literally every guy was a match. Most guys swipe on every girl so they choose the best one canít really blame them.

Keyblade 06-09-2019 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andy1984 (Post 1093738071)
they needn't be overloaded on tinder, they just need to like fewer guys/be more selective.

I don't want to have children. but I thought you are a guy... you will be able to have children even when you're old and senile. maybe you should just get a dog or cat anyway.

pyshically possible sure. but it was just this wish i had i guess.. to be settled down before 30.

As soon as i move out of my mom's place, i'll probably get a cat actually lol.

Keyblade 06-09-2019 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerryAndSports (Post 1093738077)
Girls on the apps are very selective because they can. My friend thatís a girl showed me one day her swiping everybody and literally every guy was a match. Most guys swipe on every girl so they choose the best one canít really blame them.

yeah... it sucks

AmDrag 06-09-2019 04:25 PM

I relate pretty well to your experience with dating sites - apps. I've been on OkCupid since December and I've had zero dates. It's like my irl dating status, just continued on to the virtual world.

Disneywoman 06-09-2019 04:46 PM

I only have to be a bit picky because Sept-June (until school lets out/I'm not on a trip w/ the parents) I only have one day of a week I could potential meet up with someone in 3 towns-my own town in one of two malls in two other towns in opposite directions.

CAKE! 06-09-2019 04:59 PM

Make lookup tips for making good profiles. Use good pictures of yourself, pictures that other people took too and not just selfies, no snapchat filters, and look at good bio tips. Be open minded, list your interests.

Keyblade 06-10-2019 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAKE! (Post 1093738205)
Make lookup tips for making good profiles. Use good pictures of yourself, pictures that other people took too and not just selfies, no snapchat filters, and look at good bio tips. Be open minded, list your interests.

trust me, i've tried. To the point of paying someone on fiverr to help me out lol. Half the pictures on there are not selfies.

Disheveled and Lost 06-10-2019 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keyblade (Post 1093738045)
it must be because they're probably overloaded with messages by other guys and dont put as much attention to the chats since we only have 1 girl to message at a time.

I've always wanted to have a family with a son/daughter before i turned 30. No way i'm gonna make this :(

I turn 28 in a couple months.

I slept with about 10 women from dating sites, and about half were only in maybe 4 or 5 months time. I am also below average in looks and very awkward and have no friends. I have now given up dating for a long time and am not online dating for a while. The only way you can really do well is by copying and pasting the same message to like 100 women a day. It should be your own unique message and crafted well but there are not enough hours in a day to send unique messages. A ton of profiles who look real are actually bots. Most women who get your message are getting so many messages a day that if you are not Fabio they will just ignore it, so what sense is there to send unique messages? Plenty of Fish was letting me send about 45 copy and paste messages a day maximum but I closed my account. Once you get ACTUAL messages, THEN write something unique or interesting. Average looking women on dating sites are in such high demand that they will only date Brad Pitt types and if the woman is a knockout like a 9 or 10, she will be expecting James Bond. Any message you send even if it takes you 20 minutes to think of a response, should be somewhat clever and well thought out. You are better writing a witty sharp 7 word reply than a long BS message telling your life story. The shorter and more to the point the better. You want to seem in demand and they could even chase you. They are so used to their inboxes flooded with creeps with long bizarre messages, if you write something that makes them think, that is better, you want to stand out. Also, if you think a girl on a dating site is interested, STILL message like dozens of other women (copying and pasting). You aren't a jerk for doing that, if you like her, you can then commit and get serious, but initially to have any chance you have to message a TON of women. Also, after 2 or 3 messages, suggest meeting. Why? Because most women on those sites have no intention of meeting. If they say no, who cares, you can't tell if you have chemistry with someone through a computer. If they agree to meet, you need to man up and go out there as stressful as it is. I was with some 9's and 10's in looks but i was also with 1's and 2's in looks. You just have to go with the flow. There are some gorgeous women who are lonely and looking for nice guys or some unique guy even who doesn't have their stuff together. It is rare but it happens. It all comes down to your ability to BS in person.

Keyblade 06-10-2019 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disheveled and Lost (Post 1093738473)
I slept with about 10 women from dating sites, and about half were only in maybe 4 or 5 months time. I am also below average in looks and very awkward and have no friends. I have now given up dating for a long time and am not online dating for a while. The only way you can really do well is by copying and pasting the same message to like 100 women a day. It should be your own unique message and crafted well but there are not enough hours in a day to send unique messages. A ton of profiles who look real are actually bots. Most women who get your message are getting so many messages a day that if you are not Fabio they will just ignore it, so what sense is there to send unique messages? Plenty of Fish was letting me send about 45 copy and paste messages a day maximum but I closed my account. Once you get ACTUAL messages, THEN write something unique or interesting. Average looking women on dating sites are in such high demand that they will only date Brad Pitt types and if the woman is a knockout like a 9 or 10, she will be expecting James Bond. Any message you send even if it takes you 20 minutes to think of a response, should be somewhat clever and well thought out. You are better writing a witty sharp 7 word reply than a long BS message telling your life story. The shorter and more to the point the better. You want to seem in demand and they could even chase you. They are so used to their inboxes flooded with creeps with long bizarre messages, if you write something that makes them think, that is better, you want to stand out. Also, if you think a girl on a dating site is interested, STILL message like dozens of other women (copying and pasting). You aren't a jerk for doing that, if you like her, you can then commit and get serious, but initially to have any chance you have to message a TON of women. Also, after 2 or 3 messages, suggest meeting. Why? Because most women on those sites have no intention of meeting. If they say no, who cares, you can't tell if you have chemistry with someone through a computer. If they agree to meet, you need to man up and go out there as stressful as it is. I was with some 9's and 10's in looks but i was also with 1's and 2's in looks. You just have to go with the flow. There are some gorgeous women who are lonely and looking for nice guys or some unique guy even who doesn't have their stuff together. It is rare but it happens. It all comes down to your ability to BS in person.

I'll give it a shot. Thanks for your input

Deaf Mute 06-10-2019 03:26 AM

Pretty much what Disheveled said, if you're not a hot bombshell pretty much the only way would be by sheer numbers. The less you have going for you in life, the more people you have to go through until you find those few that do seem to click/have mild interest in you... whereas the more you have going for you in life, majority of people will be generally attracted towards you regardless of your interests/personality.

Especially true for online dating where you're basically window shopping, people will pick the best they can get. An average guy is the norm really so it's pretty difficult, my cousins show me their tinders and they're flooded by guys... quite a few of their matches were handsome/attractive and had careers going for them and my cousins still didn't want to message them lol so :stu

I feel pretty bad for them, the ones that do get talked to, it's like a one-sided conversation and the guys are putting effort into it and looking to meet up, but then the girls get bored of them. I think some people are just there to get attention honestly.

KILOBRAVO 06-10-2019 09:59 AM

Go into an asexual dating website ( if there is such a thing) Then that way the women aren't interested in all that stuff and basically just want a friend where physical attraction, intimacy and all that aren't nearly as applicable. That will reduce the requirements.

chrisinmd 06-10-2019 09:59 PM

Its a numbers game message as many women as possible with copy and paste messages. Just change a few words here and there to make it unique to each profile. Like change the hobby to what they enjoy.

90 percent of the time you wont get messaged back. Ive banged a few hot women off dating sites and im an average looking guy. But rejection happens a whole lot more then the good stuff

anonymoususer2 06-10-2019 10:47 PM

@Keyblade
I think social media is to blame for a lot of issues; especially relationships and how people view each other. I met my first serious GF on a dating site but this was years ago. Before Facebook and all that S#!t that followed it.

I feel a lot of people now have unrealistic expectations of others because many people are just placing a faÁade on their every statement and their every picture has to be flawless to others and its unrealistic.

So, there's a lot of miserable people in the world being something they're not and not getting the people who may be put in place for them.

I'm still trying to find someone who doesn't place their whole self worth on a number of likes or constantly needing to swipe to feel some validity in their lives.

+ Don't be so quick to blame yourself, A lot of girls are having issues trying to find someone worth a [email protected] too.


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