Cried in public (bit long) - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2009, 04:25 AM Thread Starter
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Cried in public (bit long)

So as part of our course, we're split into groups of 9 students and are given 3-4 cases to investigate over the course of the semester. For each weekly session, we choose a chairperson and a scribe, and for the first session of the 2nd semester, I volunteered to chair - huge mistake!

Initially, I was feeling good about myself because I'm terrified of anything that attracts attention and I never volunteer but the session went horribly! At the close of the session, we evaluate the chair, scribe and group on paper (anonymous) and the chair has to read it out loud...

The first paper said, amongst other things, "Chair was passive, didn't even realise she was chair until last 10 minutes," etc. The others were softer but they all basically said I was passive and quiet...It's all things I would have said so myself but it felt so humiliating - absolute torture - to read it out loud myself.

The facilitator took pity on me and said things like, "She did say at the beginning of the session that she's quiet and would struggle. I think you guys were harsh," etc. and even spoke to me alone when everyone had left.

I hate being pitied, I hate being called quiet, and I hate feeling and being thought of as a troublesome baby that needs "special treatment" and puffed-up I ran to the bathroom and cried.

This was last Thursday but I guess it resurfaced because I need to do homework now for nextweek's sessions (it's double) and I'm feeling anxious...I mean, it was my chance to make a good impression on my new group, and now I've cemented my image as the "embarassingly quiet, passive, socially-impaired, irritatingly apologetic baby" - and there's still months to go!!!!
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2009, 05:42 AM
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Wow what a ****wit to say such a thing. Thats horrible. Some people are just douches. I don't know what else to say.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2009, 05:54 AM
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It's feedback, how will you learn to do better in future groups if you can't take criticism?
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2009, 08:06 AM
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In a way people are going to say you're quiet, but not in a bad way. Try and not feel too badly about it. Atleast you were chair. See it as a challange.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2009, 02:53 PM
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yeah maybe they saw your reaction when they said you were passive and maybe it seemed like it really hurt your feelings and they felt bad, i dont think they were trying to be mean, i wasnt there but i hate when someone is getting belittled so i probably would have stood up for you too. i mean when someone tells me im quiet or passive i just stare off into space like a psycho and dont even listen to them anymore, ive built up and immunity lol.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-03-2009, 08:42 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the posts

I do understand the value of constructive criticism and that I do need to develop those skills - I've never thought that my group were 'out to get me' or were doing it 'out of spite' (actually kept those papers, so I could improve my skills and one day look back at that session and laugh...)

But still, you can get it in the head but hurt like hell, you know?
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-04-2009, 12:06 PM
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I would've cried too. I really sympathize with your situation.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-04-2009, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by SloopjohnB View Post
It's feedback, how will you learn to do better in future groups if you can't take criticism?
Its a difference between feedback and insults. "Chair didn't even realize she was chair until the last 10 mins." Maybe I am just sensitive but that sounds like a cheap shot to me. Proper feedback could have been "Chair could have been a bit more assertive."

Feedback is one thing but it doesn't help to be an *** to someone and ridicule them.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-04-2009, 05:26 PM
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I think it was pretty ballsy of you to become the chair. That is definitely something worth being happy about. I am with you, I hate hearing people describe me as shy and quiet. It is frustrating, but you can't really blame the people for saying what they observe. It's hard to show your true self with SA. But I would say being the chair is definitely a victory.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-04-2009, 05:55 PM
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I hate crying in public..It makes it so much worse.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly"
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