Confident when alone - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-14-2020, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
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Confident when alone


When I'm alone I often like to imagine having conversations with people or saying and doing s*** I would never have the courage or even the ability to in real life. I'm so fluent and witty and confident when I'm conversing with people in my head but then when talking to these people in real life all that disappears. I stammer, stutter, trip over my own words, can't articulate, end up in a dead end pointless conversation that doesn't play out like it does in my head. Why can't social interaction be so easy and not as difficult as pushing a car up a hill.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-14-2020, 03:29 AM
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It's great that you are able to be confident when practicing talking to people at home, that means it is totally within you to be able to eventually do it in real life! Unfortunately, at the moment, the worry and pressure of using these brilliant conversation skills in reality seems to be stimulating your Limbic system (fight, flight) and that stops us accessing the intelligent, witty side of the brain. Keep practicing and imagining yourself conversing positively with others, keep that side of your mind active and someday, as your life changes and anxiety begins to ease, you will can put it all to good use.

Pushing cars up hill is no fun, letting them roll down the other side though is epic!

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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-14-2020, 12:22 PM
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Excellent reply, I fully agree!

I also would have put the original post under the triumph section!!!
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-15-2020, 12:58 AM
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Originally Posted by samboychippies View Post
When I'm alone I often like to imagine having conversations with people or saying and doing s*** I would never have the courage or even the ability to in real life. I'm so fluent and witty and confident when I'm conversing with people in my head but then when talking to these people in real life all that disappears. I stammer, stutter, trip over my own words, can't articulate, end up in a dead end pointless conversation that doesn't play out like it does in my head. Why can't social interaction be so easy and not as difficult as pushing a car up a hill.
Personally the best quote that someone told me was this: "fake it till you make it"

No one is simply confident, even outside. I know lots of people who are extroverted but they are able to hide the insecurities. Now where does social anxiety kick in? well , its relatively simple, SA sufferes tend to have difficulty hiding their insecurity. Hence why the brain says "Am I looking stupid?" "Am I walking normal?" "Can anyone tell I am blushing?" In reality, your brain is trying to help you as it think its the best way to hide your insecurity by generating anxiety. But its not.

Now in order to adjust stuff, you need to prevent your sub conscious mind at taking over your brain because you don't believe in yourself that you are able to hide these insecurities.

In my personal view, when I am with my family in my house I tend to be more confident because I trust that I am capable of handling my emotions. But outside, not really, hence why the subconscious mind takes over. Example, if I get humiliated at my house I would shrugg it off because I am capable of handling the emotions that deal with humiliation. But outside of my house I cant be capable of handling my emotions when dealing with humiliation, hence why I don't trust myself in these scenarios and my anxiety rises.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 08:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samboychippies View Post
When I'm alone I often like to imagine having conversations with people or saying and doing s*** I would never have the courage or even the ability to in real life. I'm so fluent and witty and confident when I'm conversing with people in my head but then when talking to these people in real life all that disappears. I stammer, stutter, trip over my own words, can't articulate, end up in a dead end pointless conversation that doesn't play out like it does in my head. Why can't social interaction be so easy and not as difficult as pushing a car up a hill.
I heard recently that if you were in a room with 100 people, chances are your not gonna get along with all 100 people and not everyone will get along with you. Humans have an endless variety of difference that's why we can go out and find the people we do like to get along with. But social conditioning have brainwashed us to think that we are suppose to get along with everyone. But really, some people just naturally don't have that chemistry with each other and that's fine.

Remember, your views and what you have to say matter to others AND to yourself
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 12:38 PM
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Oh yeah, same. When you're alone you have all these free-flowing thoughts, when you're socializing it's like there's no activity in the mind.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 12:59 PM
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I'm not even confident when I'm alone. For example I can't dance or exercise even when alone. It feels like invisible eyes (God's?) are staring at me and I get ashamed and embarrassed.

And the conversations I rehearse in my head never actually happen, and/or don't go nearly the way I plan them (for example, EVERY time I stand up for myself or come up with a "witty" comeback, the other party is even wittier or more aggressive and still succeeds in making me look and feel like dirt--even when I give a very carefully rehearsed, polite as possible response that I'm sure will offend no one, it offends people), so I find them pointless.

It's a special kind of "social" anxiety disorder that cripples you even when you're all alone. -_-

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 12:46 AM
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Yeah, being alone is already a lot easier thing to do for me, no matter how strange it might sound...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-08-2020, 06:34 AM
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I wonder if your worry about what others think of you puts you off. When there is no one to look at you, hold expectations, judge etc, it removes that barrier that might be causing you problems when you talk to people. If you can find a way to settle that barrier, then that could help. Maybe starting with your closest friend, and gradually pushing out until you can talk with anyone? It takes time and practice, but you can get there

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