Can you see them all laughing at you? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Can you see them all laughing at you?


This is one of the worst parts about being pathetic. Knowing that people are laughing at me about it.

"Look at that crazy dork. 27 years old and never held a girl's hand. What a loser. He's probably gay. What a joke he is. Look how he acts, how he talks, look at how his hand is always shaking. How he will never say anyone's name. Look how he walks down to the boss's office and makes a u-turn and comes right back. What a chicken. He's the funniest person I've ever seen. I can't keep from laughing at that clown. He would be better off if some thug shot him in the head and stole all his money."

Every time I venture out of this apartment, it's into the world of laughter. All directed at me. I feel like I'm at the Rose Bowl on the field with 90,000 people making fun of me.

The thing about it is if I was one of the 90,000 there's no doubt I'd be laughing. This is what makes me hate even being a person. Knowing how evil we are. Our lives are so pathetic that we get enjoyment out of laughing at others. That's the way we are. Vicious and nasty. Looking to ride the weak into the grave. Bloodthirsty.

Just another piece of the puzzle that makes me glad anytime I'm away from people. They laughed me out of the stadium.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 03:57 PM
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im not very good at giving advice or anything, but one thing that i have learned from sas and my own experiences is that people dont think about us as much as we think they do. keep that in mind.
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 04:33 PM
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Laughing at me? No probably not.

Telling their fellow friends and co-workers behind my back that the reason I don't talk is because im an arrogant ******* when im the complete opposite? Correct.

You're right about humanity though. We're always looking down on those who are weaker than us. Can't help it either. Time and time again we can look back on the roots of civilization, even existence and see that our entire species is based on warfare and greed.

A person by themselves may be beautiful as a flower, but as a collective we're disgusting selfish parasites slowly consuming ourselves and the world around us.

Advice? There is no advice. There are no magic words to fix your problems or mine. After a certain point we need to stop classifying SA as a disease and just a natural development of our personality. If a person has been this way most of their life then why would it all of a sudden do a 180 and change? How can you cure a personality?
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 04:55 PM
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There is more of a range of thought going on. You have a small percentage that mock others and these people do this to EVERYONE! They would criticize Mother Teresa. Or with a beautiful model they would find the scar on the arm and say how she is a disgrace to being a model, she is not an example, it was probably self-inflicted. When none of that can be proven and everyone else sees just a person that is pretty that God made that way. You have many more people that love all poeple, and see the good in people, and there are ranges in that. I think the good outweighs the bad but we remember the bad.

If you were to write down at the end of the day, all the people who had treated you nicely and fairly and politely, they would always outweight those that don't. We sometimes take for granted those that treat us well, I think its part of our disorder because we are also depressed. We don't do it on purpose and bitterness creeps in almost like the depression can. But think of it like this. When you go the store, the bank, the post office, how do they all treat you in general? Do they do their job right? moreso than not they do I would say, over 50% of the time they do their job right and they treat you with respect. What about all the people on the road driving who did not crash into you? How often does that happen? Over 99% of the time? so over 99% percent of the time people drove well. Did you come out to your car from chores or work or shopping to it not being broken into? or keyed up? How often is that? More than 99% of the time? What about all the people you passed on the street. How many of them kept going and minded their own business? A few may have smiled. When at work, more people than not, treat you with respect and do their job, more than 50% of the time. So there is more of a range going on. You are not being completely aware of everything happening. You are being realistic about a small amount and thinking that is everyone when clearly it is not the case.

It is because of a few people we focus on that have consistently been harmful people that we forget to see that there is another 50% of peole at least that are giving us completely good signals or at the very least no trouble. It is like that everywhere. The trick is to concentrate on the good tasks, the good people mostly.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 05:00 PM
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You think to highly of yourself; most people are too concerned about themselves to even aknowlege your existence, let alone come to some kind of opinion on you.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by mrbojangles View Post
im not very good at giving advice or anything, but one thing that i have learned from sas and my own experiences is that people dont think about us as much as we think they do. keep that in mind.
Definitely I think everyone notices my every move yet my judo instructor(I've been doing judo at my school pretty regularly for the past 4-5 monthes) still can't get my name right. Obviously there is a disconnect between our SA and reality.

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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 05:10 PM
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So much bitterness, it's a waste of time really. If people are laughing at you, laugh back. Why not say you're in on the joke, that should unravel them. Atleast that will give them something else to talk about for the day. But I've got to say wow, these people must not have much of a life if yours is worth looking over.

Then again, it's probably your imagination and paranoia getting the better of you. We hurt ourselves more than they ever can.
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by mrbojangles View Post
im not very good at giving advice or anything, but one thing that i have learned from sas and my own experiences is that people dont think about us as much as we think they do. keep that in mind.
Very sage advice ^^^^. Very true.
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohio Fatso View Post
"Look at that crazy dork. 27 years old and never held a girl's hand. What a loser. He's probably gay. What a joke he is. Look how he acts, how he talks, look at how his hand is always shaking. How he will never say anyone's name. Look how he walks down to the boss's office and makes a u-turn and comes right back. What a chicken. He's the funniest person I've ever seen. I can't keep from laughing at that clown. He would be better off if some thug shot him in the head and stole all his money."
I think with SA it is the laughter of our own judgment on ourselves. But that is fueled partly by messages received from society. It appears that every 27 year old has held a girl's hand and more (I'm 45, so think how hard it is for me to shake off the idea people think I'm a loser for my inexperience with women), that there is no one like you and everyone else is perfect. That is because we have no information about people's inner lives. I've found through SAS forums and visiting the autism spectrum forums there are a lot more people than anyone would guess from our own experience or media who suffer from social disabilities. They come from all walks of life, that accomplished, beautiful person you see on the street may be inwardly suffering. They sometimes find a way to cope, to even find people who love them.

Its SA talking when your mind says people can know things about you they can't possibly know.

The rest, yeah, that's hard. I know I send off signals through body language that shuts down casual interchange. I've seen it. When I was feeling bad, a person about to greet me suddenly dropped her face and went about her business of drawing blood without the usual greeting banter. When I was feeling good about myself after a new haircut, I had all kinds of people attracted to me.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Catching Fire View Post
Definitely I think everyone notices my every move yet my judo instructor(I've been doing judo at my school pretty regularly for the past 4-5 monthes) still can't get my name right. Obviously there is a disconnect between our SA and reality.
lol yeah, i know what you mean. i constantly think that my boss is watching me and criticizing me, but the other day i go to the front of the shop and he says "your still here? i thought you had went home or something." it wasnt like i wasnt around him either, i walked by him a couple of times, but i guess he didnt even notice me.
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 06:06 PM Thread Starter
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You think to highly of yourself; most people are too concerned about themselves to even aknowlege your existence, let alone come to some kind of opinion on you.
They acknowledge it because it sticks out like a sore thumb. When I'm at the store I'm always rushing to leave. I'm weaving through there like a running back dashing for daylight. Then I get to the self checkout and scan everything as fast as possible with my head down, cussing out the scanner for not beeping fast enough. Today I left a bag of groceries there because someone was behind me and I was trying to hurry up and get out of their way.

At work I'm always shaking like a leaf and I startle very easily. And I overhear people talking about me like I'm handicapped or something.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 06:20 PM
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They acknowledge it because it sticks out like a sore thumb. When I'm at the store I'm always rushing to leave. I'm weaving through there like a running back dashing for daylight. Then I get to the self checkout and scan everything as fast as possible with my head down, cussing out the scanner for not beeping fast enough. Today I left a bag of groceries there because someone was behind me and I was trying to hurry up and get out of their way.

At work I'm always shaking like a leaf and I startle very easily. And I overhear people talking about me like I'm handicapped or something.
im curious, what are some of the things they say, are they saying things with the intention of you hearing them? or are they talking about you behind your back?
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 06:33 PM Thread Starter
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They called me "special case" one day. Another time I overheard one of the people who delegates work to me saying, "I only give him this certain kind of work because it doesn't make him too nervous." One time the boss said right out to others, "Do you know how hard it is to get work out of this guy?"

They think I'm just a lazy nutcase and the boss thinks I'm stupid. The manager told somebody that they would keep me for entertainment purposes. I guess that's not too awful, but the entertainment is because I'm crazy.

This one guy is always asking me why I don't go after women, then he says, "I don't know about you. I think maybe you're a little....(then he does the little dainty hand flip)."

I wish people understood that this is all because my nerves won't allow anything else. If I had to ask a woman out or barge into the boss's office, it would make my heart pound, I couldn't breathe, I'd be coughing like I was dying. It's a big production that they enjoy watching, but I don't want to go through it.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 06:48 PM
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They called me "special case" one day. Another time I overheard one of the people who delegates work to me saying, "I only give him this certain kind of work because it doesn't make him too nervous." One time the boss said right out to others, "Do you know how hard it is to get work out of this guy?"

They think I'm just a lazy nutcase and the boss thinks I'm stupid. The manager told somebody that they would keep me for entertainment purposes. I guess that's not too awful, but the entertainment is because I'm crazy.

This one guy is always asking me why I don't go after women, then he says, "I don't know about you. I think maybe you're a little....(then he does the little dainty hand flip)."

I wish people understood that this is all because my nerves won't allow anything else. If I had to ask a woman out or barge into the boss's office, it would make my heart pound, I couldn't breathe, I'd be coughing like I was dying. It's a big production that they enjoy watching, but I don't want to go through it.
Look, if that were happening to me, I'd try to prove them wrong. As much as I'm an anxious person, I still have 'I'll show 'em' attitude. Maybe you should give it a try.
Or mention that you've overheard them and could they give you face to face feedback about these comments and how you could do better. Put them on the spot, but be as civil as possible though.
About the gay thing, every guy is called gay one time or another. It's just insecure men trying to test the waters, don't take it seriously and neither will they.
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 06:53 PM
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You think to highly of yourself; most people are too concerned about themselves to even aknowlege your existence, let alone come to some kind of opinion on you.
this. And I don't mean this in a 'you're big headed' kind of way. It's a classic SA/paranoia thought to think everyone is staring at your imperfections like a hawk. I've experienced it with the people are staring at me as I walk thing and in situations where I think people are making fun of me (subtly and in a mean way).

In reality people really have too much **** of their own going on to care about us. Even the people in the office talk about you far less than you think they do. They might spare a few sentences a day about you during the whole day they are at work - a very minuscule fraction of their total verbal output. I am not saying that you can easily brush off the effect of even these few words, but you need to realize they aren't stopping their work day to talk about you.

People aren't stupid. They aren't gonna keep paying you for 'entertainment'. You must be doing something right work-wise for them to keep you on. Keep believing you're doing something right until they call you into the office and announce you are fired. Until then all this crap about you being the laughing stock is not doing positive to your mindset.

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You aren't a hopeless case, but your current mindset is.
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 07:16 PM
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im not very good at giving advice or anything, but one thing that i have learned from sas and my own experiences is that people dont think about us as much as we think they do. keep that in mind.
Yep. Also people are a lot more forgiving than you think.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 07:18 PM
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im not very good at giving advice or anything, but one thing that i have learned from sas and my own experiences is that people dont think about us as much as we think they do. keep that in mind.
and even if they do, Don't give a ****
just be yourself and look confident and that negative will turn to a positive

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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 07:39 PM
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 07:40 PM
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I get that sometimes too...but I agree with the other people who said people usually aren't thinking about us nearly as much as we think. Everyone has their own private worlds and dramas...I may be a big deal to myself but I'm a bit player at best for them. Sometimes that's hard to swallow too lol...but I think it's true.

And even just because a group is whispering or laughing when I'm around...it still doesn't always have to be about me. I know sometimes it may be, but I might as well shrug it off and pretend it isn't, I think. Because really it isn't always and when it is, that's their lameness and it does me no good to buy into it. (Yeah I know I don't always feel all zen about it)
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 07:54 PM
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There is more of a range of thought going on. You have a small percentage that mock others and these people do this to EVERYONE! They would criticize Mother Teresa. Or with a beautiful model they would find the scar on the arm and say how she is a disgrace to being a model, she is not an example, it was probably self-inflicted. When none of that can be proven and everyone else sees just a person that is pretty that God made that way. You have many more people that love all poeple, and see the good in people, and there are ranges in that. I think the good outweighs the bad but we remember the bad.

If you were to write down at the end of the day, all the people who had treated you nicely and fairly and politely, they would always outweight those that don't. We sometimes take for granted those that treat us well, I think its part of our disorder because we are also depressed. We don't do it on purpose and bitterness creeps in almost like the depression can. But think of it like this. When you go the store, the bank, the post office, how do they all treat you in general? Do they do their job right? moreso than not they do I would say, over 50% of the time they do their job right and they treat you with respect. What about all the people on the road driving who did not crash into you? How often does that happen? Over 99% of the time? so over 99% percent of the time people drove well. Did you come out to your car from chores or work or shopping to it not being broken into? or keyed up? How often is that? More than 99% of the time? What about all the people you passed on the street. How many of them kept going and minded their own business? A few may have smiled. When at work, more people than not, treat you with respect and do their job, more than 50% of the time. So there is more of a range going on. You are not being completely aware of everything happening. You are being realistic about a small amount and thinking that is everyone when clearly it is not the case.

It is because of a few people we focus on that have consistently been harmful people that we forget to see that there is another 50% of peole at least that are giving us completely good signals or at the very least no trouble. It is like that everywhere. The trick is to concentrate on the good tasks, the good people mostly.

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