Can't go out alone in public without being stared at - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
User Requested Permanent Ban
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Posts: 233
Angry

Can't go out alone in public without being stared at


I swear I hate society. I decided to go on an outing last weekend just to get out of the house because I was going crazy staying cooped up. So I went to the bookstore and decided to go to Starbucks. I was alone and I was waiting for my drink. There were a lot of other people there too, and most of them were with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I was just in the corner minding my own business and a bunch of people kept staring at me and giving me weird looks. It was obvious that I was alone and it probably looked weird because everyone else there was with their boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends. It made me really nervous. I HATE when people stare at me, it makes me so mad. I felt so humiliated. It also made me realize how dependent people are in this pathetic society. They can't even order a f**king latte without their boyfriend being next to them.
SurrealDreamer is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 12:01 PM
Need a witty saying...
 
GlassPaperBag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Somewhere along the Mediterranean
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Posts: 117
Don't worry about it. It can always be your mind.

It happened to me when I was extremely cooped up and depressed. It's like one of the symptoms.

Just think about it like this, curiousty is human nature, a glance or two is fine, even for more than second. But plain staring is just weird. If they're staring at you like that then THEY must be the weird ones.
GlassPaperBag is offline  
post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 12:23 PM
I have tried too long
 
Witchcraft's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: LT
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,272
In a situation like this I try to spot other people who are also alone. That makes me feel less of a freak for going places alone.


Witchcraft is offline  
 
post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 01:34 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Asia
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 98
PFFF

Trust me gal, unless you're Angelina Jolie, I swear people never waste a single second of their lives to give a damn to stare at a complete stranger like you for nothing at public places, especially when they are with their boyfriends/girlfriends.

Seriously, who do you think you are, assuming people were "staring at you" and "giving you weird looks" just because you were like, lol, "forever alone" at the place???
Glorie is offline  
post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 01:39 PM
Joe
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: rainbow road
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 8,011
I felt awkward going to pizza hut a few weeks ago, when I walked in there were loads of kids around which made me feel a bit more nervous, but I overexagerrated the situation mentally and when I looked to my right *After 5 minutes of staring sadly at my pizza* there was barely anyone there lol.

But looking around you sometimes do look at people even if you don't know them, but saying that I do get paranoid and think people are staring at me whenever I go out I feel especially awkward around people going out with their boyfreinds/girlfriends
Joe is offline  
post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 02:53 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 611
Trust me, nobody is thinking to themselves 'oh what a loser - here alone'. I think if people notice you and actually stop long enough to think about you being alone (unlikely in itself as they're preoccupied with who they're with, what they're doing)...they either will think 'oh I would never have the guts to go anywhere alone' or in the worst case scenario they might think you look lonely. I personally find it very satisfying to go do things alone just because it is so frightening to other co-dependent people. The fact you can do it, makes you stronger than them.
radiancia is offline  
post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 03:09 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: England
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 4,254
I know exactly what you mean! I've encountered that alot from sitting alone in places. Now what I do is give them a stare back like im going to kill them, literally.. and I don't alter my gaze until they look away. I used to look away instantly and feel uncomfortable and inadequate, but now I think **** you.. you got a problem come over and talk to me about it.
DubnRun is offline  
post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 03:17 PM
SAS Member
 
Fromheretoeternity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: in a dark city
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Posts: 527
At my age I think that society thinks you've got to be with friends or boyfriend/girlfriend to be going out to the shops or anywhere else. It's like I'm suppose to be really sociable when I'm not. I don't think I could sit in a shop to have a coffee or go for a meal by myself. I'd probably be too afraid of what people would think.

"The darkness is death - we can speak, but we are not heard. We can scream but they turn their backs. We can run, but we cannot catch them. It is the dream where arms and legs won't work the way they should, and the air is too thick to breathe. Loved ones walk a mile ahead, forgetting to stop as we fall behind. This is the reality of the darkness. We are buried alive inside ourselves."-Dana-Christene Umanetz
Fromheretoeternity is offline  
post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 03:19 PM
SAS Member
 
MaxSchreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 438
This is pretty much happened to me alot, or at least i imagine it does. so either way, it makes it real in my perception. Anyway, when i feel confident and/or just dont give a **** people usually don't stare at me at all. The looks i do get are more of a positive nature.
MaxSchreck is offline  
post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 03:21 PM
SAS Member
 
lonelywoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Europe
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Posts: 525
I dont know, it depends on ur attitude. if u sit there shoulders pulled up, looking like a scared mouse, u may attract the attention for looking insecure and uncomfortable, but i dont know if that was the case.

I sometimes think people talk about me and pick even some words, but when i turn and look at them, i see that they are not even occupied with me at all and couldnt have said those things; its the mind. People are not that occupied with u, at least not if u step in confident and enjoy ur time there. U say its becase ur alone, i dont believe that
lonelywoman is offline  
post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 03:28 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Michigan
Gender: Male
Posts: 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by sullen View Post
I swear I hate society. I decided to go on an outing last weekend just to get out of the house because I was going crazy staying cooped up. So I went to the bookstore and decided to go to Starbucks. I was alone and I was waiting for my drink. There were a lot of other people there too, and most of them were with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I was just in the corner minding my own business and a bunch of people kept staring at me and giving me weird looks. It was obvious that I was alone and it probably looked weird because everyone else there was with their boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends. It made me really nervous. I HATE when people stare at me, it makes me so mad. I felt so humiliated. It also made me realize how dependent people are in this pathetic society. They can't even order a f**king latte without their boyfriend being next to them.
Smile and waive at them. You know that scene from The Waterboy where the Coach Kline pretends the other coach is baby and pretends to play with its cheeks? Do that.

Should take care of the problem.

"The mind is the vehicle for navigating reality. Some still need to learn to drive."
Jitters28 is offline  
post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 10:50 PM
SAS Member
 
Marakunda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 3,261
My Mood: Dead
If this ever happened to me, I'd just stare back at them...

lol, meet eyes and not stop til they did, ha imagine that!
Marakunda is offline  
post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 10:53 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Age: 34
Posts: 2,524
I enjoy people watching. Not in a creepy or weird way. But I just like to observe people in passing. I didn't realize some people would take it the wrong way. I guess I need to be more sly about it from now on.
jamesd is offline  
post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 11:19 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Milwaukee, WI (BDSM sadist, Libertarian)
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 38,433
Quote:
Originally Posted by sullen View Post
I HATE when people stare at me, it makes me so mad. I felt so humiliated.
I strongly doubt people were actually staring at you. I'd think SA is a much more likely explanation, where your exceedingly self-conscious mind makes you irrationally think others are looking at you & judging you negatively. Plenty of people with SA feel the same, so you're hardly alone in this. They will truly believe others are looking at them and making negative judgments, in your case having you believe they think "that girl must be a total loser as she'd otherwise be with a BF."

If you clearly stood out from the crowd in some manner -- dressed as a clown, had a gun strapped to your hip, etc... -- then I'd think your belief they're staring was objectively true. I'm assuming you look like a typical young woman that would fail to draw undue attention & tend to assume this feeling is simply the product of how an SA mind works.

I know a guy who thinks people stare at him & he firmly believes they even go so far as to laugh at him. I've seen enough pictures to know he doesn't look odd in any way. Ladies might even view him as ruggedly handsome. I seriously doubt a group a teens would point & laugh (as he believes has happened) since he also looks like the kind of guy who could kick their ***.

I suspect such things can all be attributed to the mis perceptions SA produces. Consider how much attention you give others. Do you stare at anybody? Odds are you barely even notice others in a crowd unless you think they're attractive or odd looking. Odds are most don't really notice you much either.
UltraShy is offline  
post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 11:33 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Seattle
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Posts: 82
Yeah, i think alot of this is caused by SA giving us heightened awareness of other people.

I sometimes wish something exciting like a hit & run or a shoplifting would happen in front of me because I think I'd be such a good witness. I don't want to see anyone get hurt or anything, but it would be a rare opportunity to show off a benefit of SA.
semiserious is offline  
post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 06-25-2014, 07:16 PM
SAS Member
 
Farideh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 10,691
Whenever I'm out alone in public places, I would always get disgusting creepy older men staring at me thinking I'm some little girl without her parents. It's disgusting and annoying. Just shoot them a dirty look. That's what I do and if they don't look away, tell them to stop staring at you. Staring is rude. People think it's okay to stare since it's not "breaking the law" but overall staring is rude and makes the person being stared at annoyed. I sometimes reverse the behavior by staring back at them and I continue to stare at them with this unfriendly look on my face and then they realize that their behavior is rude and they stop staring at me. If they stare back well then guess what, I am going to stare again until they look away. A lot of people are weirdos and won't stop staring at anyone that interests them in whatever way. I hate society as well. No manners.
Farideh is offline  
post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 10:19 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Female
Posts: 891

This is old, but I think you're wrong


Quote:
Originally Posted by radiancia View Post
Trust me, nobody is thinking to themselves 'oh what a loser - here alone'. I think if people notice you and actually stop long enough to think about you being alone (unlikely in itself as they're preoccupied with who they're with, what they're doing)...they either will think 'oh I would never have the guts to go anywhere alone' or in the worst case scenario they might think you look lonely. I personally find it very satisfying to go do things alone just because it is so frightening to other co-dependent people. The fact you can do it, makes you stronger than them.
Just as ridiculous as it sounds, people do think it's weird to do things alone. Our society is based off heard mentality and peer pressure. You are supposed to do what everyone else does or you're weird. They do stare at "loners". I think people who say that people aren't worried about others are being niave, and would be surprised to find out how nosy other people are (Forgive my spelling/ grammer I'm being lazy).
greyandgreenbean77 is offline  
post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 10:25 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,163
Are you sure people where even staring at you? I used to be like this until I found out it was all in my head and realized nobody stares at me/nobody cares about what anyone else is doing
Gus954 is offline  
post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 11:20 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 551
yeah even if you are a good looking person or dress well SA amplifies things and makes them 5 times more harder to take

in my presence people don't normally wait till I'm gone. they make comments and gestures standing right behind me and I can see it sometimes or hear it
SpiderInTheCorner is offline  
post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 01:16 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North West, England
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Posts: 1,142
Quote:
Originally Posted by SurrealDreamer View Post
I swear I hate society. I decided to go on an outing last weekend just to get out of the house because I was going crazy staying cooped up. So I went to the bookstore and decided to go to Starbucks. I was alone and I was waiting for my drink. There were a lot of other people there too, and most of them were with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I was just in the corner minding my own business and a bunch of people kept staring at me and giving me weird looks. It was obvious that I was alone and it probably looked weird because everyone else there was with their boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends. It made me really nervous. I HATE when people stare at me, it makes me so mad. I felt so humiliated. It also made me realize how dependent people are in this pathetic society. They can't even order a f**king latte without their boyfriend being next to them.
Nobody thinks sitting alone in Starbucks is weird. I see it all the time. Chill.

People were probably staring because you looked like you where freaking out imagining what people were thinking of you.
AbsurdistMalarky is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
So how do you deal with being stared at? boonel Frustration 26 06-06-2016 07:40 PM
I snapped at someone who stared at me psuedofantasy Coping With Social Anxiety 35 12-09-2013 01:10 AM
have you ever stared at a girl in her eyes jimity Frustration 19 07-15-2011 08:14 PM
Why am I being laughed/stared at? PropDoc Coping With Social Anxiety 7 08-27-2010 09:25 AM
Getting stared at is inevitable for me kintrovert Frustration 15 04-10-2008 08:28 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome