being called 'stupid' - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
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being called 'stupid'


So this is going to be part venting, part opening up a discussion.
Basically one of my biggest fears ever since I was little was the thought of people calling me dumb. The irony is that this happens to me quite frequently and the more it happens, the more I break down.
I'm in my final year of college at the moment, and although I have always struggled with my courses, I pulled through in the end. I have some supportive parents who argue that my achievements thus far is evidence enough that I am not stupid. And yet I've been treated as though I am dumb for sometimes (I feel) the smallest reasons, and sometimes not so small reasons.

I had thought about giving out some examples, but I'll only do so if people ask. One thing I can say that occurs a lot, is that sometimes I don't know who certain well known people are, that others consider is important to know. They seem so very shocked when I answer truthfully 'I'm sorry, I don't know' and immediately look at me like I'm the plague. I think that people have a right to their opinion, but it's so mean when they react with 'You can be so stupid sometimes' or 'Everyone seems to know this but YOU.'

I make it my purpose to broaden my general knowledge, and I try to check the news as often as I can (though not everyday) but sometimes I get the feeling that people try to make others feel bad, so that they can feel smart. A sort of 'look at me, and look you.' So I'm wondering if this is something that happens to other people, and if it is indeed justifiable to call people stupid so readily because they have not (yet) heard/ read about something/someone. I can't even begin to explain how this feels, I broke down in tears earlier today even though I promised myself that I wouldn't because of an incident like this. I am aware that I am not the smartest person, but to be treated like I am so un-worthy seems like an extreme. Especially being in an academic environment, the point should not be about bringing people down, but informing them on what their knowledge is lacking. Anyway, sorry for making this so long....
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 04:29 PM
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lol, i call peopel dumb and retarded but as jest. My friends and I always are saying this to each other. We even calle ach other weird and other demeaning things but it is all in good fun. Most people, when they say it, don't mean it in an offending way, it is just the first word that comes to their mind when they are shocked about someone not knowing something THEY think si obvious. I have done this subconciously when friends don't know some super obscure 1940's NBA statistic. Soemtimes it justs lips out. I am assuming you are quite decorated with achievements(and I hope they aren't XBOX ones!) so don't worry about someone blurting out "are you stoopid!?!?!?" or "y u so dumb!" bring you down! Trolls be under every bridge HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE!!!
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 04:29 PM
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First of all, it's obvious you're not stupid. I find it ridiculous that you get called dumb often, especially for not knowing something. No one knows everything. Most people know very little.

I think it's true that people will say things like that to make themselves feel better and smarter, which is just pathetic. If they were really so smart, they wouldn't have to say something like that to others.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 04:35 PM
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What you described is not being knowledgeable not being stupid. Big difference!

If you take an IQ test you will see questions that test your mathematical, memory and problem solving skills not general or specific knowledge.

Someone can be super intelligent but suck at Jeopardy. Because Jeopardy is a test of a wide array of knowledge such as pop culture, vocabulary, geography, etc.

If someone calls you stupid if you can't name all the members who are in congress for example then they are stupid for not knowing what the word stupid means not to mention being classless. I suggest you surround yourself with classier people if possible.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 04:40 PM
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As you get older you learn you'll always know less that you can ever possibly know.

So being called stupid. Yeah, we all are. Some of us are just better at deluding ourselves into thing we're not.

I can't be held responsible for the things I say or do.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 05:31 PM Thread Starter
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Indeed we say these things to each other without realizing it sometimes. I think what makes a difference is what the intent is. I must admit, my friends and I don't really ever do that in jest, we sometimes joke around about being "silly" or "crazy" but sort of politely :P. I think maybe that's the difference between female friends and male friends? (not to make it into a stereotype, as I'm sure not every group is necessarily one way or another) But point is that I've had both guys and girls call me these words with a very different and hurtful intent.

tk123 I really like what you said because I've never thought of it that way. It feels like a way of being honest about yourself. We can say "Indeed I am not extremely knowledgeable" without bringing ourselves down. It's a shame that sometimes people do feel the need to bring others down in order to feel superior.

Thank you to everyone who replied!
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 05:45 PM
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I was called stupid by my co worker and we aren't even close enough for her to call me that as a joke. Yes, she called me that as a joke and it really pissed me off. So I called her stupid the next day and that pissed her off. Haha Now she got a taste of her own medicine. Dumb girl. I'm glad she's not working with me anymore.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 06:31 PM
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I still remember in junior high, this girl was wearing a bunch of New Kids On The Block pins on her jeans, and when I expressed ignorance over who was who she gave me this utterly stupefied look like, "Are you SERIOUS??" Because it was SO important and earthshattering that I know the names of the individual New Kids On The Block.

I've found that a lot of the times these things that "everyone" is supposed to know are really unimportant, in the long run. Cripes, just on this forum, people toss around "Socially Awkward Penguin" and "Foreveralone" and "FML" and I had no idea what any of that was...and to be honest, I think it's all a little overused and trite.

If people want to know and toss around certain knowledge that's their choice, but it's not pathetic to not know everything everybody is talking about. It doesn't make you stupid. It makes your priorities different. What's kind of pathetic is when people feel forced to learn a bunch of useless knowledge to try to not appear ignorant, because 1. there are more important things to learn out there, and 2. chances are great this "important knowledge" won't be that important for long. (So--has the life of anybody here been greatly enriched knowing which New Kid On The Block is which...? ) I can get through life perfectly fine not knowing which Kardashian is which...my God, it makes my brain glaze over just typing that, that's how little I care. Was going to check the name spelling since I'm picky about things like that, but I'll prove my point and move on.

I understand your frustration and hurt at being considered "stupid," because I've been there myself. I just find it even more frustrating that so much of the stuff that people consider important is just...so trivial. And then we're the ones made to feel awful that we don't know it.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 06:36 PM
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Anybody calling me stupid better ****ing run.
That level of rudeness is unacceptable.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 06:38 PM
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Ya know, you can think of Planet Earth as opposite world

If the general population thinks you're smart, you're probably not

If the general population thinks you're stupid and crazy, you're probably a genius

Behavior but flows from thought as thought flows from belief
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 08:21 PM
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That's one thing I fear. I'm pretty dumb, and I think that it's the fact that I'm aware of how dumb I am that's keeping me from doing some of the things that I really want to do. It sort of started in college with a few bad incidents that were enough to traumatize me to not do anything out of my comfort zone, for fear of being called or thought of as stupid.
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