Being bullied by guys - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 09:27 AM
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One spit on me and told me to "go back to Transylvania". These are guys that look to be 30-40+ not a bunch of teens like I'd expect. It just sucks and Now my anxiety is developing into a general fear of men. Since we share this world I can't exactly escape from them.
So are they bullying you because your trans or appear to be trans?
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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 02:05 PM
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Sorry i don't know how to directly reply to individuals on here.. so as an answer to the whole. It's random strangers usually. making comments as I walk threw a door like "eww, too tall" ... Just sitting at a table after a friend walks away and told I "look like a b*tch".... Told to "get a tan". The worst was this passed summer when I passed a group of guys on the sidewalk as I made my way to the gym. One spit on me and told me to "go back to Transylvania". These are guys that look to be 30-40+ not a bunch of teens like I'd expect. It just sucks and Now my anxiety is developing into a general fear of men. Since we share this world I can't exactly escape from them.
I'm sorry to hear this. Being quite frank, this behavior from complete strangers sounds unfair and also extraordinary.

With that being said, I'm not going to suggest it is uncommon as I'm not a woman, and I'm also not going to delve into your local culture or why you are targetted in particular. Hopefully, there's advice from the women in this forum, and you may be advised not to isolate your advice search to this forum alone, as your social anxiety alone wouldn't be the cause of this situation.

If all else fails, however, then you may want to consider working up the courage to call these men out (and have your friend's backing if they're about). How you'd actually do this would be a topic in itself, but doing so may not only be good for your own self-esteem, and help emit confidence that would ward off unwanted attention, but it may also make them think twice before bullying other girls.

Understandably, this ideally should all be unnecessary. Plus no one, especially one with social anxiety, is really looking to be a moral crusader - you just want to live a normal life unbothered. I'm still perplexed as to why people want to go out of their way to insult a stranger. All I can say is this bears no reflection on yourself, and hopefully you're very much aware of this.

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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 02:12 PM
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So are they bullying you because your trans or appear to be trans?
I was thinking that, the transylvania comment sounds like they assumed that. In which case it's transphobia. It can happen to cis women too. There are groups of people who go around online trying to work out if various celebrities are trans or not as well. There was a good video about this on YouTube by armoured skeptic, but he has since privated it. Anyway these people have to live somewhere.

Another alternative is they were implying she looks like a vampire. Especially as someone else said something about getting a tan. I think it would be pretty cool being compared to a vampire though.

Anyway pale skin is attractive and these guys are idiots.

edit: and yeah if it's happening all the time I would suggest travelling around and seeing if it happens everywhere you go and if not move.

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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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I really just wanted to know if any other females get bullied as adults or not.. they're not saying Transylvania as if "tranny's" come from there, they were referring and complaining about my light skin tone and dark hair. (like most descriptions of vampires ) Anyways... Guess I got my answers. Thanks to those that took the time. Much appreciated!
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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 08:59 PM
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I really just wanted to know if any other females get bullied as adults or not.. they're not saying Transylvania as if "tranny's" come from there, they were referring and complaining about my light skin tone and dark hair. (like most descriptions of vampires ) Anyways... Guess I got my answers. Thanks to those that took the time. Much appreciated!
Well if you look like your avatar your a very lovely woman. So do men approach you and ask you out or just bully and call you names?
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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 09:51 PM
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I get bullied whether it's by men or women, young or old, etc. Women seem to do it more often so I have a huge dislike for women these days.
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 10:57 AM
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I really just wanted to know if any other females get bullied as adults or not.. they're not saying Transylvania as if "tranny's" come from there, they were referring and complaining about my light skin tone and dark hair. (like most descriptions of vampires ) Anyways... Guess I got my answers. Thanks to those that took the time. Much appreciated!
You're welcome. I do remember an ex saying of men who'd pass comment about her as they walked by - some positive and negative. With women I know, the one thing is that some men seem too eager to make comments out loud, and it's usually to impress their friends. Though there have been a few times I've received similar complaints from some women, I feel that the issue is more common that men make comments on women, rather than vice versa. And it's likely these same men that are commenting on your light skin tone would have complained about another woman's dark skin tone on the same day. But anyway, I hope things get significantly better for you real soon. Thank you for reading.

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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 11:52 AM
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I was with an ex on the bus one time, he was an alcoholic but this is no excuse and I was so embarassed to be with him. But this woman was applying makeup and he said "she needs more than that to fix her face". Think he was trying to be funny, but at someone else's expense it was awful! I hope that she did not hear him.

I was walking back to my place one day and these lads just said to me, "nice body, shame about the face!". Some people are just arseholes!
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-29-2020, 02:53 PM
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I never heard of some of the comments you say that they call you. I wish that I can offer solid advice, and saying to ignore them is sugarcoating the effects it has and why you might be encountering these people often. I know how it is to be judged in that way. Maybe you don't go by the standards that those around you find trendy and some people are very rude about that. If that is you in the picture then honestly I wouldn't say you look bad - just a little nontraditional with the purple hair.
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-09-2021, 08:31 AM
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This kind of thing would happen maybe back when I was a kid in middle school and high school but not in recent years.
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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-09-2021, 09:02 AM
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So sorry you're dealing with guys like that. Definitely not all guys act that way.
I've been bullied by a few guys before, including my grandiose narcissistic brother in law who brags about himself all the time and enjoys belittling and humiliating people. I've had to distance myself from my sister because of him.
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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-09-2021, 09:57 AM
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If the profile pic is you, then I don't get it. The first thing that I thought was they were doing some "wing man" thing where one guy is mean and the other guy plays the hero and tries to get the number, but the second post doesn't sound like that.

Maybe your anxiety projects strongly around men and you make a mean face. I know when I was at my worst around women, that was usually the case with me. It got to the point where I would only take jobs with not a lot of women working there and I would avoid talking with them which is unhealthy.

I figured out I get treated badly by "elitist" types and I would project it to all women which had a snowball effect. I've either gotten use to avoiding that type or they just stopped. From time to time, some girls just look at me and laugh since I'm well below average height, but I've learned that anyone who does that is never going to be worth being around anyway, and dismiss them as asswholes.

TL;DR: There's something wrong with them, not you.
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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 05:44 PM
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First of all, as someone who is ghost-white myself, and 6'3, I have been called "scary-looking" and "god you are so tall" I would say in literal terms to just sit in the sun, not your whole body necessarily but in my apartment i try to bake in the sun through the window. That aspect you actually have control over, and I am in the same boat. Some goth chicks are ghost white like Rose McGowan the actress and it isn't a big deal. How tall are you? Because I am 6'3 and was always gawky and had bad posture, but a lot of confident guys who are popular are also my height so i don't think it is just my height, I don't carry myself well. I do get comments hurled at me once in a while, that is why the last few years I have my earbuds in at all times when I am outside. Most people who come up to me want money, but more often than you would think, people like to start s*** with me. I would avoid going out alone a lot on weekends, especially friday and saturday night because men and women are drunk and "having a good time" and that is when things get out of control or people just have no filter, they are drunk, maybe jealous, or frustrated with their own situation. Some of the guys might be attracted to you, and because they can't have you, or think they can't, they are just lashing out. Very hard to tell what goes on in people's minds. I now have animosity towards women, but it has to do with them rejecting me. I would think that most guys would want to just be with you, as opposed to insulting you, especially in their 30's and 40's. Teenagers to me are the most nuts species of human being to deal with, I don't like anyone but men in their 30's and 40's I would think overall are more well-behaved than teenagers and would be less likely to lash out at someone
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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 02:10 PM
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Hi all, I just wanted to say the behaviour described is obviously not acceptable. Bullying is always about the bully, but if we aren't secure in ourselves, it takes a toll on us too as we look within as we question the remarks etc. Sometimes the best policy is not to engage, as it can become too much of a handful to deal with... Instead if we can have a trusted friend with us, there is often safety in numbers. If we do have insecurities, they need writing down, and steps made to turn them around. That way we are no longer the victim, and no longer a easy target... Ladies especially need to be able to set healthy boundaries especially in the work place. Is there a lady you trust who you can confide in for advice etc? If situations are too much to handle and no progress is being made, perhaps a talk with our GP/Doctor might yield positive progress... Hope this helps
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