Being bullied by guys - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-26-2020, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
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Being bullied by guys


Just curious if any other ADULT females get attacked (at every angle) from men that they can come up with. I'm so depressed and frustrated by these actions. Especially when I try to be as kind as possible 😥

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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-26-2020, 08:13 PM
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Maybe, they're doing the male thing of insulting you to be flirty. Men don't really score high on social intelligence. But if you're bullied; stand up for yourself and tell them to knock it off. And you don't appreciate being treated that way. Most guys don't want to be ridiculed from other guys for insulting you, nor are they going to start a physical confrontation with you.
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-26-2020, 11:24 PM Thread Starter
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The insults are far beyond a few jabs here and there. They literally bring me to tears and seem to enjoy it. I cannot confront nor stand up for myself when I'm immediately pummeled from all angles and only when I'm alone. Who knows what worse actions they may take 😰
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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 12:00 PM
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What are they saying and doing?

super chill and mentally ill.
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 12:48 PM
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Being kind might be the problem, most guys are grown up children with mommy issues, I know I am, you need to lay down the law.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 03:44 PM
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I don't think I've ever known a guy who has bullied a girl before. Either in school, work or in my personal life. Or a girl who has been bullied by a guy. I'm sure there have been incidents of unwanted flirting or even sexual harassment experienced by the girls I've known, but not bullying. So what you're going though sounds somewhat unusual. Normally most guys won't bully a female as they don't typically see females as competitors within a peer group and also that kind of behavior would make them look like coward and probably serve to diminish their status in that group. Is this coming from one particular individual or a group of people? Are these your coworkers? Whomever it is, they sound like sadistic losers who are projecting their insecurities onto you.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 03:54 PM
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^^ I've never bullied anyone, but as a victim of bullying I'm curious how the process works.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 04:06 PM
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^^ I've never bullied anyone, but as a victim of bullying I'm curious how the process works.

Unfortunately I've been both a bully as well as a victim of bullying in my life. This was way back in elementary school, but I can still remember all those incidents. Anytime I bullied anyone it was always in an effort to improve my status within the class. The motive was to show that I was higher on the social ladder than those that I was bullying. I didn't hate those kids or anything. They were just a means to an end. It wasn't about them. It was about me. I suspect this is generally why most kids (and adults) engage in bullying. Of course I regret all that today and wish as a kid I had stood up to the bullies instead of becoming one of them.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 04:12 PM
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^^OK, your status has now improved 🙂






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 04:45 PM
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The insults are far beyond a few jabs here and there. They literally bring me to tears and seem to enjoy it. I cannot confront nor stand up for myself when I'm immediately pummeled from all angles and only when I'm alone. Who knows what worse actions they may take 😰
Not a female, but in what context is this happening? Is it work colleagues/ fellow students? And is it the same guys? Or is it a different context entirely?

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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry i don't know how to directly reply to individuals on here.. so as an answer to the whole. It's random strangers usually. making comments as I walk threw a door like "eww, too tall" ... Just sitting at a table after a friend walks away and told I "look like a b*tch".... Told to "get a tan". The worst was this passed summer when I passed a group of guys on the sidewalk as I made my way to the gym. One spit on me and told me to "go back to Transylvania". These are guys that look to be 30-40+ not a bunch of teens like I'd expect. It just sucks and Now my anxiety is developing into a general fear of men. Since we share this world I can't exactly escape from them.
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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 05:29 PM
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Weird, what kind of men said that crap : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 05:51 PM
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I don't think I've ever known a guy who has bullied a girl before. Either in school, work or in my personal life. Or a girl who has been bullied by a guy. I'm sure there have been incidents of unwanted flirting or even sexual harassment experienced by the girls I've known, but not bullying. So what you're going though sounds somewhat unusual. Normally most guys won't bully a female as they don't typically see females as competitors within a peer group and also that kind of behavior would make them look like coward and probably serve to diminish their status in that group. Is this coming from one particular individual or a group of people? Are these your coworkers? Whomever it is, they sound like sadistic losers who are projecting their insecurities onto you.
If you're not physically attractive or if you are gender non conforming or a bit of an outcast or weird in any way really, they sometimes will. It's never happened as an adult but I had a lot of weird reactions from guys in school. One time even I was sat next to this guy and we were talking and his friend warned him to stop talking to me lol and I couldn't really hear what his friend was whispering but based on the guy's reaction he was basically warning him that I was weird and he shouldn't talk to me lol, other times they would comment negatively on my clothing choices (but we had a uniform in school so this only happened on 'non uniform days' where we could choose our own clothes.) Another time this teacher separated these two boys from sitting together because they were disruptive and he made me sit next to him and he freaked out a lot because it was me he made a huge scene about it. I've forgotten about most of them now because they weren't as bad as my primary bully.

Based on the OP's avatar though I wouldn't say any of those categories fit though, so seems odd. If she's tall maybe they're just intimidated by her height.

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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 05:58 PM
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^^I see you're thinking what I'm thinking.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 06:09 PM
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It sounds like a ton of insecurity on their part. Its a weird strange thing, but insecure guys who find someone attractive will try to put a girl down in many ways just because. And it does sound like they're attacking your looks rather than anything else.
I only draw from an internet incident in which I made a snarky comment and guys left and right jumped on it, 1. Because it was snarky, 2. Because I guess I'm a girl? It was just odd, as in "what does anything have to do with anything?"
One of the comments was even "because you touch yourself at night " and I'm like wtf?.

Dont let them get to you. Some people dont know how to act or react maturely. I'm not excusing their actions but..they really dont know how to treat ladies if that is their reaction to you.
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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 06:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
If you're not physically attractive or if you are gender non conforming or a bit of an outcast or weird in any way really, they sometimes will. It's never happened as an adult but I had a lot of weird reactions from guys in school. One time even I was sat next to this guy and we were talking and his friend warned him to stop talking to me lol and I couldn't really hear what his friend was whispering but based on the guy's reaction he was basically warning him that I was weird and he shouldn't talk to me lol, other times they would comment negatively on my clothing choices (but we had a uniform in school so this only happened on 'non uniform days' where we could choose our own clothes.) Another time this teacher separated these two boys from sitting together because they were disruptive and he made me sit next to him and he freaked out a lot because it was me he made a huge scene about it. I've forgotten about most of them now because they weren't as bad as my primary bully.

Based on the OP's avatar though I wouldn't say any of those categories fit though, so seems odd. If she's tall maybe they're just intimidated by her height.

What you're saying does makes sense, especially if homophobia is factored into the mix, for sure. People who are different/vulnerable are probably more likely to be victimized. But based on her first couple of posts I was thinking that this was an ongoing thing with the same individual(s) perhaps in a workplace setting and they just didn't like her personally, which informed my response. Ongoing bullying of a female by a man or a group of men in that kind of a scenario seemed like it would be kind of unusual to me (assuming it's not some kind sexual harassment which it didn't sound like it was at first) - but what the hell do I know. I don't get out much these days lol and I work in a professional setting where there's basically zero tolerance for anything like that so maybe people are worse now than they used to be. But based on her subsequent post it appears to be random interactions, most of which appear to be basically sexual harassment (unwanted vulgar remarks, etc.). Unfortunately I guess there are just a lot of creeps around who make ****ty comments to random people minding their own business.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 07:02 PM
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What you're saying does makes sense, especially if homophobia is factored into the mix, for sure. People who are different/vulnerable are probably more likely to be victimized. But based on her first couple of posts I was thinking that this was an ongoing thing with the same individual(s) perhaps in a workplace setting and they just didn't like her personally, which informed my response. Ongoing bullying of a female by a man or a group of men in that kind of a scenario seemed like it would be kind of unusual to me (assuming it's not some kind sexual harassment which it didn't sound like it was at first) - but what the hell do I know. I don't get out much these days lol and I work in a professional setting where there's basically zero tolerance for anything like that so maybe people are worse now than they used to be. But based on her subsequent post it appears to be random interactions, most of which appear to be basically sexual harassment (unwanted vulgar remarks, etc.). Unfortunately I guess there are just a lot of creeps around who make ****ty comments to random people minding their own business.
Yeah the stranger thing makes more sense, depending on where you live there can be a lot of idiots around. I've had drunk people come up to me and start bugging me in the middle of the day before and people trying to jump out probably in an attempt to scare me while walking through a train station at night. Sometimes people are mentally ill and yelling etc.

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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 07:38 PM
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Sorry i don't know how to directly reply to individuals on here.. so as an answer to the whole. It's random strangers usually. making comments as I walk threw a door like "eww, too tall" ... Just sitting at a table after a friend walks away and told I "look like a b*tch".... Told to "get a tan". The worst was this passed summer when I passed a group of guys on the sidewalk as I made my way to the gym. One spit on me and told me to "go back to Transylvania". These are guys that look to be 30-40+ not a bunch of teens like I'd expect. It just sucks and Now my anxiety is developing into a general fear of men. Since we share this world I can't exactly escape from them.
That's pathetic, being adults and acting so childish. They judge you without even knowing you. Something I face daily. I'm sorry, OP.

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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-27-2020, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Modestdee View Post
Sorry i don't know how to directly reply to individuals on here.. so as an answer to the whole. It's random strangers usually. making comments as I walk threw a door like "eww, too tall" ... Just sitting at a table after a friend walks away and told I "look like a b*tch".... Told to "get a tan". The worst was this passed summer when I passed a group of guys on the sidewalk as I made my way to the gym. One spit on me and told me to "go back to Transylvania". These are guys that look to be 30-40+ not a bunch of teens like I'd expect. It just sucks and Now my anxiety is developing into a general fear of men. Since we share this world I can't exactly escape from them.
"eww, too tall" sounds like a bunch of guys ranking any passing women on a scale from 1 to 10. Sometimes they need to insult a woman by actually letting her know what they think. They are usually the guys who have few pickings and that are bitter about it.

"get a tan" sounds similar to the above. I wouldn't think too much about it.

"look like a b*tch" That is serious. In what kind of social context did that happen exactly?

One spit on me and told me to "go back to Transylvania" That is very serious.

Do you live in a large city or in a smaller place where people kind of know you? I am asking because if you are getting a reputation for taking abuse than people may well jump on the bandwagon.

How do you respond to comments and actions like that? Do you show an appropriate response by telling them to f*** off? If you don't they know they can walk all over you.

How do you dress? I am asking that as a woman. That kind of thing can make a huge difference. (I know it shouldn't but it does).

Tell us more about the exact situations.
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-28-2020, 04:17 AM
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Edit: I realized I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to this, so I removed the post in case it comes across as dismissive.

super chill and mentally ill.
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