Been in this deep depression for a year now... - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 01:35 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 38
Posts: 29

Been in this deep depression for a year now...


1 year ago, I fell into a pit of despair and have struggled for the past year to attempt to climb out of it, with no luck at all...

Let me sum up how I got here; In 2016 I was out of work and stressed out of my mind about money, when suddenly my mom, who I lived with, got an inheritance worth $1.2 million (it was in a very healthy portfolio and earning lots of interest), and we went from being poor, to being rich. I've had a lifetime of depression and anxiety, which I wrote blogs about (links in signature) and I have always had a hard time interacting with people. All of a sudden, I was no longer depressed, or stressed...I was actually truly happy for the first time in my life. She gave me some money and I spent 2 years sitting in the house. Not having to interact with people or deal with all the BS of the world, was the most amazing feeling ever. I had assumed that money was earning interest and growing all that time...but no, it wasn't...

The first week of November 2018, I found out my mom had gambled away $600,000 in those 2 years, and I confronted her about it. The argument lasted 3 days, and it was horrible. She treated me like I was some stranger trying to steal her money, and she just didn't care that she was burning it all, and she continues to gamble to this day. I've looked at her bank statements over the past year, and on average she gambles away $10,000-$15,000 a month, so there isn't much left.

For 2 years *2016-2018* I lived in this peaceful state of mind. I was so happy and enjoying life (which I was never able to do before) and the sudden rebound back to being poor and stressed about money has done something to me that I can't recover from. I've been depressed and suicidal every second of every day for 365 days now. I've been going to therapy since April this year (for free, thanks to medicaid), and I gave myself a little hope when I applied for disability, but just recently got denied for it so I have no hope left. Soon I will be out of money and will need to get a job, and I just don't think I can return to that life. The anger I feel on a daily basis toward my mom is so intense, and I can't see myself being able to survive with this feeling for the rest of my life.

My blog about my experiences with women:
https://thefemalenightmare.blogspot.com/
My Life Story blog part 1, the first 18 years:
https://almostbulliedtodeath.blogspot.com/
My blog about my evil Brother:
https://brotherfromhell.blogspot.com/
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 10-24-2019, 10:28 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 42
I suggest that you transfer some of that money to a separate bank account where your mom cannot gamble it away so that you can save some money for yourself to live on before your mom wastes it all away completely. Other than that, keep on going to therapy and start trying medications for social anxiety/depression so you can find one that works for you. The right medication can be a life changer. And if you really do have to go back to working, then start making plans to find a job that is suitable for your social anxiety. I myself am also going through the process of choosing a line of work that will be a good fit for my social anxiety. I hope you feel better, hang in there.
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