Are depressed people selfish? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
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Hey, so I have been depressed for a while now and sometimes I feel guilty for feeling that way. I told someone how I was feeling and they told me I was entitled like the rest of my generation. Another time, I had a track coach in highschool get angry at me for events beyond my control and I started crying and she told me that "it's not all about me." I also attempted suicide a few months ago and people will often say that suicide is selfish. When I was self harming, I covered my self harm scars up because I was afraid people would just say I was doing it for attention. I also put a smile on my face and pretend everything is great because sometimes I feel like I dont have the right to feel sad because there are people in worse situations. I know that most depressed people are not selfish, but so many people in the world seem to think so. It makes me sad. I also act happy all the time because I dont want to bother anybody with negativity.
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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 05:39 PM
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no! /: certainly not in the way that you've described. you're not selfish for having your own feelings (no matter your circumstances); you're not selfish for having your own mental health difficulties. struggling is not selfish. please don't let anyone tell you otherwise, at least don't let them get to you :<

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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 07:09 PM
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Nah. People get depressed for a bunch of different reasons so it's moronic to just label it as selfish. I feel like more often than not, calling it selfish is a projection; the people wanting you to feel the way they want you to feel are being selfish. Even if they want you to be happy and nothing they do works.

There are people you can talk to about such feelings, people you can confide in. Likewise there are people that will only look down on you for not completely internalizing the feelings and dealing with them on your own. I don't know about your family or other people you're close to, but it's really hard finding someone to talk to about heavy stuff, social anxiety makes it worse. Most of my support has come from online (here, as well as other places).

The people calling you selfish are booboo heads. Give yourself a break.

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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-18-2020, 07:21 PM
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People are afraid, that if they let one person's experiences matter, let them have a voice, they will cease to matter. Depression is not something to be ashamed of, and it is not selfish.

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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 04:14 AM
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depression is not selfish PERIOD......i had bad depression in my 20's and if someone said that to me that i was selfish i would just think theyre as stupid as can be!
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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 07:58 AM
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Hey, so I have been depressed for a while now and sometimes I feel guilty for feeling that way. I told someone how I was feeling and they told me I was entitled like the rest of my generation.
Pretty much par for the course. You probably shouldn't just open up to any old random person unless you can deal with them being ignorant and uncouth like that.

/WYSD
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 08:30 AM
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Yes, depressed people should bake all their negative feelings & thoughts in a mud pie & cut everyone a slice.

More often than not the ones saying things like that have earned it <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/lol.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 09:44 AM
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Absolutely not. Depression is an illness. Noone chooses to have it. Prince or pauper can be afflicted with it.


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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 11:09 AM
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A few points.

1. Just ignore anyone who rants about millennials etc. They haven't thought it through. Better yet. OK boomer facts.

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-Millennials are the most educated generation in American history—and also the most broke.
-Millennials hold just 3 percent of American wealth. When they were the same age, Boomers held 21 percent.
-The average older Millennial has $15,000 in student loan debt. The average Boomer at the same age? Just $2,300 in today’s dollars.
-Millennials are paying almost 40 percent more for their first homes than Boomers did.
-American families spend twice as much on healthcare now than they did when Boomers were young parents.

Filipovic shows that Millennials are not the avocado-toast-eating snowflakes of Boomer outrage fantasies. But they are the first American generation that will do worse than their parents. “OK, Boomer” isn’t just a sarcastic dismissal—it’s a recognition that Millennials are in crisis, and that Boomer voters, bankers, and policy makers are responsible. Filipovic goes beyond the meme, upending dated assumptions with revelatory data and revealing portraits of young people delaying adulthood to pay down debt, obsessed with “wellness” because they can’t afford real healthcare, and struggling to #hustle in the precarious gig economy.
(think another poster referred to it as a ponzi scheme earlier - that's a good way of looking at it.)

2. Some research suggests there are potentially pro-social elements to suicidal behaviour in certain groups (like suicide to help the group over yourself.) But I can't find the thing I was reading ages ago now.

3. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/ar...l.pone.0108733

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Prosocial behaviors, defined as voluntary behaviors intended to benefit others, are central to the formation and maintenance of healthy interpersonal relationships, and for integration into society [1]. They are viewed as virtues in many cultures and include altruism, reciprocity and cooperation. Gender differences in prosocial behaviors have been well characterized. For example, women display greater and more frequent generosity and altruistic behavior than men [2]–[5]. Growing evidence supports that these gender differences in behavior are linked to sex hormones [6], [7].

Depression affects 10–15% of adults in the US and 350 million worldwide [8]. Patients with major depression frequently experience impaired social functioning, defined as an individual’s ability to perform and fulfill normal social roles [9]. The interaction between depression and prosocial behavior is unclear, at least partly because of the methodological challenge to establish causality and its directionality. Prosociality has been suggested to promote healthy development when appropriately regulated, but to increase the risk for psychopathology when overly low or high [10]. Whereas low prosocial behavior is associated with antisocial traits [11], high prosocial orientation may lead to over concern for others and high anxiety [12]. For instance, the differential gender rates for depression have been associated with preadolescent differences in prosociality associated with empathy and compliance [13]. Depression has also been associated with increased altruism and decreased self-centeredness, which can be explained by feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and submissive behavior [14], leading to situations in which the depressed person is taken advantage of by others. On the other hand, depression can be seen as a state of increased anhedonia and self-centeredness [15], in which a person is unable to love him or herself and, as corollary, unable to care for somebody else. In contrast, it has been proposed that prosocial behaviors play a protective role against mood and anxiety disorders [16], [17]. Likewise, suicide has been seen as the product of both altruistic impetus (i.e., to spare my family or for the greater good of the community), and egoistic motivation (associated with low social integration) [18].

The purpose of the current study is to examine the impact of depression on prosocial behavior using a well validated behavioral economic tool: the Trust Game [19], [20], which involves a sequential economic exchange between two parties. We sought to extend previous investigations of depression by interrogating the impact of gender on the differences in prosocial behavior in depressed patients. Given the interaction of depression and hypothalamus function and the evidence that gonadal hormones mediate prosocial behaviors, we hypothesized that gender has an influence on the expression of prosocial behavior, which is reversed in depressed subjects.
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The 89 participants comprised four study groups: depressed women, depressed men, healthy women and healthy men (n = 16–36). Depressed men exhibited reciprocity more frequently than healthy men. Depression induced an inversion of the gender-specific pattern of self-centered behavior. Suicidal ideation was associated with increased reciprocity behavior in both genders, and enhancement of the effect of depression on gender-specific self-centered behavior.
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Depression, particularly suicidal ideation, is associated with reversal of gender-specific patterns of prosocial behavior, suggesting abnormalities in sexual hormones regulation. This explanation is supported by known abnormalities in the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal and hypothalamus-pituitary-gonadal axes found in depression.
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We confirmed and expanded gender differences in prosocial behavior in healthy individuals. Depression increased reciprocity behavior in depressed men while increasing self-centered behavior in depressed women. The presence of SI enhanced the effects of depression on self-centered behavior in both genders. Social stress and anxiety in depressed male patients are likely drivers of an exaggerated need to accommodate to others. The pattern of gender-specific changes in social behavior in depressed suicidal patients is suggestive of abnormalities in GnRH secretion and a hypogonadal state. Understanding gender differences in depression may facilitate the design of more efficacious treatments. Further prospective and longitudinal studies are warranted to better confirm our findings, and to relate clinical outcomes to HPA dysfunction.
(so basically according to research depression is associated with more selfishness in women, but less selfishness in men, but suicidal ideation is associated with increased reciprocity behaviour in both.)

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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-19-2020, 02:09 PM
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no if you have depression it is not selfish, the last thing a person with depression should be told is that they're selfish bc they can't help how they're feeling; however, some people who are depressed can choose to switch it off due to coping and living with everyday life so I'm not sure what to say about that. I'd have to know more information.
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post #11 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 08:03 AM
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A lot of people use depression as cop out, just like ocd etc, its becoming a bit mainstream. But real people who suffer with actual depression aren't selfish. It's as valid as cancer in a sense and no one would call a cancer patient selfish. Being sick is not selfish.

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post #12 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 09:00 AM
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A lot of people are abusive and complete A holes! So dont mention your struggles with mental illness to anyone unless you can really trust them.

Ive heard similar things when it comes to Anxiety. That an anxiety disorder is just being the P word for Vagina or a coward and that a person just needs to have it beat out of them! Not nice at all but that is the attitude of a lot of people.
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post #13 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 09:25 AM
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Ive heard similar things when it comes to Anxiety. That an anxiety disorder is just being the P word for Vagina or a coward and that a person just needs to have it beat out of them! Not nice at all but that is the attitude of a lot of people.

Yeah, i was raised around lumberjacks and farmers and i got told all my young life to stop being a sissy or a ***** and a to get over my sadness like a man. People just don't understand that anxiety or depression are much stronger than just being a bit shy and sad.

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post #14 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 10:24 AM
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Are depressed people selfish?

It depends. Depression tends to be taken out of context and someone who's simply having a bad day will say that they are 'depressed'. Some who don't get their way will say the same. There are other factors involved such as certain personality disorders that can enhance the 'selfishness' as they face depression.


Depression itself is not selfish. More often than not it's a result of a chemical imbalance where you are not having normal amounts of dopamine. It can be triggered by life events and build up over time if left untreated.

Unfortunately, some people take it as attention-seeking or define it as the first example. People who use it as a way to seek attention will make those who actually have it (especially for a long time) look bad. It can be diagnosed but the only 'proof' is having it on record/paper. It's not like cancer where you can see the person is visibly ill.
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post #15 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 04:28 PM
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I wonder what exactly makes people say that depression and suicide are selfish. I am not advocating for them but to say that it’s done for attention is just plain ignorant and wrong. This is why I have zero friends.

I literally go either to the doctor’s office, dialysis, or to the grocery store and come straight back home. Nothing else. People are so horrible for the most part that sometimes I wish I were an animal and could just be friends with other animals even though animals live scary lives too in the wild on the food chain. But animals don’t judge me like people do. They don’t tell me I am selfish for being depressed and suicidal. Or laugh at me or tell me how ugly and fat I look. All they want is my friendship. And that is all i really ever want from people. I don’t care about their money, clothes, cars, jobs, PS4s, just being their friend. But they don’t even give me their time of day. So forget them!
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post #16 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 08:16 PM
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The answer to this thread is no.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?
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post #17 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 08:22 PM
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The answer to this thread is no. [IMG class=inlineimg]/forum/images/SAS_2015/smilies/tango_face_devil.png[/IMG]
hi
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post #18 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 08:25 PM
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hi
Hellur

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?
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post #19 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 08:26 PM
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fancy seeing you here
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post #20 of 30 (permalink) Old 06-20-2020, 08:27 PM
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fancy seeing you here
Long time no see. Hope you doing good!!

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?
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