Anyone relate to RBF being a problem for you ? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 08:04 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Willhow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 7
My Mood: Brooding

Anyone relate to RBF being a problem for you ?


- RBF means Resting b**** face


I'm sure anyone reading this who has RBF and struggle with social anxiety may perhaps relate to an extent . I came to this forum in hope that perhaps I'm not alone in this .

Humans are known for mirroring each other socially . When you see someone smile at you , naturally you will smile back . Well , most people would smile back unless they really are having a bad day or etc .

The thing is when you have RBF which makes your face look agitated you can expect people to unconsciously give you dirty looks when mirroring .

Now combine this with having social anxiety and it doesn't feel good at all . You already feel crippling anxiety socially and now you get dirty looks by others . Some think this applies mainly to one gender but it applies to both male and female .

The bad part is people may treat you differently not in a good way as people would assume you might be an uptight , angry , arrogant , cold or any negative traits they can think of . Not all will treat you badly but not a lot of people don't think twice when they judge people's physical appearance .

I'm sure i'm not the only one in this ... for me personally this has negatively impacted my life . Right now I am trying to find solutions , and I hope for those struggling with this may at least be filled with some hope knowing you aren't alone whether male or female , or whatever background or belief and what not . Its not the worse thing in the world but socially it really makes things harder than it already seems ... from my personal trial and errors I've found that not caring what people think is extremely useful and also learning to aware of you facial muscles by practicing in the mirror . Thank you for reading and I apologize if the writing style is somewhat chaotic . Take care .
Willhow is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 12:54 PM
Royally F***ed
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,834
My Mood: Brooding
Quote:
Originally Posted by Willhow View Post
Humans are known for mirroring each other socially . When you see someone smile at you , naturally you will smile back . Well , most people would smile back unless they really are having a bad day or etc
They're more likely to, but it depends on a lot of factors. I smile at everyone and am very friendly IRL (I do not suffer from RBF) but almost everyone responds negatively or indifferently to me. Typically, people look disgusted, annoyed, etc., and basically like they can't wait to get rid of me. I can occasionally overcome this reaction if I get to know someone, but most people have no interest in getting to know me.

This has always been a problem for me (I was very unpopular in school) and has only gotten worse for me as I've aged. If people are "having a bad day" then almost everyone is having a bad day almost all of the time. And it doesn't explain why the same people are nice to other people they talk to before or after me.

Being friendly and smiling is not a guarantee that people will treat you nicely. People respond to a number of different cues, like your attractiveness, gender, ethnicity, social status, how 'normal' you are, etc. People tend to reserve their smiles for people who meet their various thresholds.

I don't particularly care that people don't like me (which, I agree, is good) but even if you don't care it still has a negative impact on your life. It's sort of like having to live with a bad smell everywhere you go. Being sneered at isn't pleasant even if you don't care what a person's opinion of you is, because of the way human brains are wired to respond to social cues (the mirroring thing). Also, people who don't like you tend not to give you very good service, which is a problem in itself.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
truant is offline  
post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 09:49 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: State Home for the Ugly
Age: 33
Posts: 4,748
My Mood: Pensive
I'm the poster child of this, but I think my meek and awkward demeanor cancels it out. Doesn't take more than a couple seconds to figure out I'm just an uggo with issues, rather than a snob.
ScorchedEarth is offline  
 
post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 10:03 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 747
I have this problem. I even vaguely considered some surgery years ago to change the sides of my mouth, so it doesn't look like I am frowning. I am also arrogant on top of that, but yea I look angry or miserable or hostile in my expression even when I feel like i am on top of the world. I also have sad eyes where I look depressed and like a lost soul, which somewhat cancels out my RBF. Combined with S.A, I would say my presence is one of the most off-putting of anyone I may have ever met. If you get beyond that exterior, I have an aloofness and arrogance or traces of that, which don't really dispel the original problem of RBF. I just think the worst part of it is that i do have a personality and sense of humor underneath that almost no one ever sees or will see, despite very rare cases of friends or women i dated which was years ago. At the same time, I almost don't care enough or have the energy enough to say smart or funny things to get any kind of positive reaction, even if i could. Everything like that takes energy, even being witty or entertaining. There really is a ton of value in staying in and watching TV all day or playing video games, when you see the outside world and friends and women who ditch you and talk down to you and backstab you, retreating into your own cave with reality TV and action figures is not that bad an alternative
Disheveled and Lost is offline  
post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 10:40 PM
zkv
SAS Member
 
zkv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 144
I used to have this big time, guess it's been more or less back the last couple days. Not very good at hiding it when I feel bad, and I used to feel bad all the time. So really it wasn't just my face, it was everything. An all-consuming black hole of negativity. 'You look angry' how many times did I hear a variant of that?

Luckily I've become all-around more expressive physically, and more prone laugh out loud, sing, and voice whatever silly thought enters my brain when I hear or see whatever. It's usually stupid jokes, wordplay, and quoting stuff, lots of quoting stuff. Sometimes at inappropriate times, too, like sometimes they go 'this is serious' lol, well, yeah, why do you think I'm making the joke? But yeah, don't joke sometimes.

Haven't gotten to do it in the wild, though. It's unfortunate that I got myself to be in a good mindset during these times where I can't really try much out of home.

Flowers will grow from these wounds.
zkv is offline  
post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 11:29 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Willhow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 7
My Mood: Brooding
I'm sorry you have to experience RBF's negative effect on you . Over the course of many years , I've found myself looking in the mirror filled with deep insecurities , even going so far as to avoid looking in the mirror . Down the rabbit hole I went and still till this day I struggle a lot with this insecurity . Only until later on did I realize how much mental stress I was putting on myself for worrying so much about my RBF . So far I found that learning to adapt is key .
Being able to keep moving forward even when the going gets tough . I remind myself 'move on.' Lingering and staying in one stop for too long in this pool of negativity only makes things worse . I can relate on a deep level in almost every sentence you mentioned . Thank you for sharing , I appreciate it . Stay strong .
Willhow is offline  
post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Willhow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 7
My Mood: Brooding
Quote:
I have this problem. I even vaguely considered some surgery years ago to change the sides of my mouth, so it doesn't look like I am frowning. I am also arrogant on top of that, but yea I look angry or miserable or hostile in my expression even when I feel like i am on top of the world. I also have sad eyes where I look depressed and like a lost soul, which somewhat cancels out my RBF. Combined with S.A, I would say my presence is one of the most off-putting of anyone I may have ever met. If you get beyond that exterior, I have an aloofness and arrogance or traces of that, which don't really dispel the original problem of RBF.

I'm sorry you have to experience RBF's negative effect on you . Over the course of many years , I've found myself looking in the mirror filled with deep insecurities , even going so far as to avoid looking in the mirror . Down the rabbit hole I went and still till this day I struggle a lot with this insecurity . Only until later on did I realize how much mental stress I was putting on myself for worrying so much about my RBF . So far I found that learning to adapt is key .
Being able to keep moving forward even when the going gets tough . I remind myself 'move on.' Lingering and staying in one stop for too long in this pool of negativity only makes things worse . I can relate on a deep level in almost every sentence you mentioned . Thank you for sharing , I appreciate it . Stay strong .
Willhow is offline  
post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2020, 11:39 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Willhow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 7
My Mood: Brooding
Quote:
I have this problem. I even vaguely considered some surgery years ago to change the sides of my mouth, so it doesn't look like I am frowning. I am also arrogant on top of that, but yea I look angry or miserable or hostile in my expression even when I feel like i am on top of the world. I also have sad eyes where I look depressed and like a lost soul, which somewhat cancels out my RBF. Combined with S.A, I would say my presence is one of the most off-putting of anyone I may have ever met. If you get beyond that exterior, I have an aloofness and arrogance or traces of that, which don't really dispel the original problem of RBF.
I'm sorry you have to experience RBF's negative effect on you . Over the course of many years , I've found myself looking in the mirror filled with deep insecurities , even going so far as to avoid looking in the mirror . Down the rabbit hole I went and still till this day I struggle a lot with this insecurity . Only until later on did I realize how much mental stress I was putting on myself for worrying so much about my RBF . So far I found that learning to adapt is key .
Being able to keep moving forward even when the going gets tough . I remind myself 'move on.' Lingering and staying in one spot for too long in this pool of negativity only makes things worse . I can relate on a deep level in almost every sentence you mentioned . Thank you for sharing , I appreciate it . Stay strong .
Willhow is offline  
post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-24-2020, 01:38 AM
experimental sincerity
 
rabidfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,173
People used to tell me that I looked sad or angry a lot in the past and I would explain that 'while the corners of the mouth of some people point up, mine just point down'. But that has changed. I think I have habituated myself to smiling and found ways of smiling that worked for me. While I have always felt somewhat moronic when I smiled placidly, an amused smile feels more like me and is easier to adopt naturally. I have also learned that the act of smiling can actually make us feel better, so I exercise it occasionally purely for wellbeing reasons. You don't need another person to smile at.

TL;DR if you don't like it you can change it

Leonard Cohen (Bird on a Wire): I have tried in my own way to be free
Mrs Hudson (BBC Sherlock): Sherlock! The mess you've made!
rabidfoxes is offline  
post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-24-2020, 01:55 AM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Posts: 31,631
My Mood: Relaxed
Actually, I often find it super attractive with women but I guess that doesn't help them if they don't like the negative attention associated with it that they get from others.
WillYouStopDave is online now  
post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-24-2020, 01:59 AM
Pesky Pessimist
 
Blue Dino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,198
For me it's more of a way to retain a neutral face to hide my emotions. Having always had my showing of emotions used against me growing up. Eventually I started doing this to even people in general. Doing a neutral and stoic face too much, eventually it became natural and I started showing the so called "RBF" without consciously knowing. I've long suspected this is what always made others socially apprehensive and cautious of me in person. It can be very offputting and uncomforting when I end up being on the receiving end of other fellow RBFs. I realized "oh my god, this is what I have been subjecting people to all this time..."

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
Blue Dino is offline  
post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-24-2020, 02:16 AM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15,928
I think I have the opposite problem tbh. I walk around with a sort of half-smile on my face and people always think I'm smiling at them. It's actually quite nice though - people often smile back.
harrison is online now  
post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 08:53 PM
(*__*)
 
Mlt18's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: U.S
Language: N/A
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,235
Yeah I have a problem with this. And itís not just my expression but how my face looks, even if Iím feeling happy.
Mlt18 is offline  
post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 09:06 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 107
I smile at people all the time (out of habit, not because I like them) and they usually don’t smile back. I used to get told I look sad, but not anymore. No one comments about anything at all, not negatively or positively, which is great actually.
ThoughtsLeaveMeAlone is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome