Anyone older have it so bad... - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-03-2020, 02:14 AM
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I don't have any opportunities to talk to people IRL (aside from professional interactions, I guess) but I'm bad at conversation, yeah. Small talk is hell, and if it's not small talk then I overshare or I just don't answer anything. Seriously, I have previously avoided answering the question 'when is your birthday?' Who avoids that?

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post #22 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-03-2020, 10:05 AM
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I hardly meet or talk to anybody outside my family and couple of close friends. For a change met someone today whom I hadn't seen in ages. Went alright other than few instances of anxiety. Am 34 but don't feel my age while talking and mostly mute in group conversations. One on one is still ok if i am comfortable with the person but I avoid talking to people usually.
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post #23 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-04-2020, 08:48 AM
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Eye contact is a big issue for me so every conversation feels weird. No connection to people. What a life. I'm 38 btw
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post #24 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-04-2020, 12:46 PM
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Mid 30s here and still a stuttering awkward mute.

Don't let people treat you like dirt.
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post #25 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-11-2020, 04:00 PM
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Oof, does 32 make me qualified for the 'old' moniker (I feel it does, and I say that with a certain twinge of sadness in my heart)?


I don't know if I have it very bad. I do have a friend I can get along with reasonably well, but other than that, no I haven't really talked (and by talked I mean form words and sentences and not just mumble mumble which is my default mode of communication) to anyone in well ever. Maybe not fully related to the topic but I feel SA gets more heavy in a way once you get older, since it's not just a phase anymore and impacting your life in a very real sense (or at least in my case it is).

But, never too old to learn new tricks right? That's what think anyway

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post #26 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 06:38 AM
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Like it's been months since I've had a proper conversation with someone in real life.
So?
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post #27 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 10:46 PM
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The last interaction I had with people my age was maybe 10 years ago when I still went to school. Only casual interactions though, nobody ever cared enough about to "hang out" with me. Since I wasn't able to make any friends in school, nobody from back then ever tried to get in touch with me either. It's kind of depressing because I'm 28 now and your early 20's are supposed to be the best years of your life, where you're having all these formative experiences and become a complete person. And all these people I went to school with were going through that, while I've been isolated here at home for the last 10 years achieving and experiencing exactly nothing. Actually I'm doing worse now than 10 years ago because this lack of social interaction hasn't exactly been beneficial for my mental health and my social skills (or lack thereof). People have been ignoring me so hard for my whole life that sometimes I question this conscious experience people call life.
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post #28 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 11:53 PM
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I apparently have it so bad that it's worse than "so bad". I have it so bad that I don't want to talk to people. Like honestly, 99% of the things people say to me outside of business interactions are either completely pointless or intended to piss me off or bother me in some way.

So I generally don't want to talk to (most) people even when I have to. Which makes it all that much worse when the mood occasionally strikes me to exchange pleasantries with someone and they deliberately use it as a chance to get on my nerves.

Funny thing though. My mind usually goes blank when someone says something to me. I was trying to set a reminder with my Alexa a couple of hours ago and I was like "Alexa, set a reminder for 5 hours" and she was like "What's the reminder for?" and I swear there was suddenly nothing in my mind.
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post #29 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 12:06 AM
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I'm getting up there. I speak, but don't necessarily enjoy it so it is what it is. At this point, I think I'm so used to not enjoying pple that I immediately assume I haven't enjoyed it, rather than actually judging the interaction on its own merit. I've caught myself enjoying pple, but I'm not leaving my stories behind without a fight.

Overcoming inertia.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #30 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 12:19 PM
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I have it so bad that I can barely have an online conversation...beat that!


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post #31 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 12:54 PM
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I have it so bad that I can barely have an online conversation...beat that!
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I can barely talk to people IRL, online, on the phone, in writing, anywhere. My one-on-one anxiety knows no bounds.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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post #32 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 01:46 PM
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basically easy, no need to cheat yourself
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post #33 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 02:14 PM
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Yes, I don't have any friends, not even online ones.
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post #34 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 03:31 PM
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i'm sorry i was being sarcastic *e-hug*


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post #35 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 06:07 PM
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I can barely talk to people IRL, online, on the phone, in writing, anywhere. My one-on-one anxiety knows no bounds.
I can manage, but it's tough. I just can't talk continuously for very long periods. I run out of steam, so to speak.

And one-on-one is way worse because you have to do more of the "heavy lifting" within the conversation. I panic when it comes to one on one convos, especially in a confined place like a car or elevator when you can't escape.

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Originally Posted by incapaz dseguir mintiendo View Post
anxiety melts the brain, that's why I'm so bad at conversations, even when calm. Used to have good memory as a kid, not anymore.
Yah, this. I have a terrible memory when I'm anxious. I forgot things so easily. It seriously drops my IQ 50 points when I'm anxious.

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Originally Posted by JohnDoe26 View Post

Like it's been months since I've had a proper conversation with someone in real life.
Me too, mainly due to Covid. The lack of real life convos makes me rusty, the less I socialize the worse I get at it.

Everybody knows you only live a day but it's brilliant anyway
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post #36 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 12:37 PM
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it's hard to imagine
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post #37 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-22-2020, 02:12 PM
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Hey, I really relate to this and just watching life flyby. I feel you and want to let you know I feel so similar. You are an awesome person! I believe you have potential just as anyone else on this planet. This may not be for everyone but I will share with you what's working for me. I'm using a 12step method to tackle my social anxieties and past traumas and it's actually working on relieving me of the constant obsession of fear. I'm from another 12 step fellowship and have experience in that and know the steps work in freeing people from obsessions and compulsive behaviours (a fellowship I won't mention).

However I found it difficult to find a social phobic/anxiety anonymous. They have got a website(s) with archived material on working some of the self help material. However self help tools aren't enough. I need a community (the fellowship of emotions anonymous or a support group such as the new York city social anxiety support group may be of help). Honestly, I got really hopeless with social anxiety recovery after much therapy and reading so many therapeutic materials. This is what's working for me and who am I to hoard it? I'll send links for social phobic anonymous material if you are interested.
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