Anyone here made peace with their alone-ness? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-28-2019, 05:53 PM
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It mainly the shyness, the absolutely torturous, painful shyness that haunts my every action with human beings that I haven't made peace with. Being alone is ok. It's nice, quiet. It's when you're internally screaming while trying to say hi or simply walk by, is when it's unbearable in my mind anyway. If I didn't give a shot what other people thought or at least feel I have something to contribute to humanity, I think my mind would rest easier. I don't think being alone is a death sentence. There's always people you want to avoid and people you *would want to include in your life. You might come across a druggie and think, they don't need my money, simply because of the vibe they're putting out which is "give me money cuz I ask you to. Thanks" ..versus the very frustrated lonely woman waiting in line on her lunch break who hates her job, doesn't ask, but would make her day if you bought her a donut. :/ maybe my thinking is skewed, I dunno.
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post #22 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-28-2019, 06:12 PM
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I know for a fact having a job which allows you to see many different people and interact with them even on short encounters helps anxiety. As I have recently given up a job in which did not allow you to be verball to anyone unless on your breaks. I felt my anxiety grow in this instance with less interactions.

I honestly don't want to a be at peace with my loneliness but it might have to be like that. I'm not very socially forward and usually require anyone trying to be friends to make the first steps. And I'm usually happy with only having a couple good friends.
Some do come to peace with loneliness but it's probably not worth giving up on.
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post #23 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-28-2019, 06:25 PM
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Iím not sure Iíve made peace with it so much as I usually see it as the better of two evils, those being discomfort in company, or excessive solitude, I tend to choose the latter as I find it easier to cope. Iíve never had trouble making friends but maintaining friendships is another matter. Likewise Iíve never really dated so Iím hugely unskilled at it or used to being in a relationship. Sometimes I think I want one and other times itís just seems I feasible given my habits of avoidance
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post #24 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-28-2019, 07:12 PM
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I can definitely relate as I am also absolutely fine without having any friends, loved ones and all other of that crap... I count it as a way better choice than having some good friends that anytime can turn out that they're not any friends with you at all...
There is actually one exception for me. The demons in my head, they're always will be with me. Forever...

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I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #25 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-28-2019, 08:59 PM
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I have and have for a while. I'm accepting the fact that I'm cut from a different cloth than everyone else. My interests differ too much from everyone else's to have a normal conversation.

We always have a choice but we don't decide the consequences.
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post #26 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 03:38 AM
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Mostly yes.

Throughout my life, I have made many efforts to perhaps understand the plethora of options as it pertains to social dynamics and how to use them to develop relationships with others. These efforts have never proven fruitful so in my late 20's, I am more and more accepting of the notion of solitude and as a matter of fact, I prefer it.

I'm also a highly cynical, nihilistic, pessimistic person regarding quite a few aspects of my life and through the many trials I've had with the general populace, people don't like people whom they perceive as "negative" so I just have stopped trying. I won't change merely for the facade of temporary solace that comes with being someone I am not.

Romantically, I just don't care anymore; I have nothing to give. Not sad about it at all just is what it is.

I've long since been preparing to be alone for my life. I haven't had friends in over 17 years. Most interactions just don't feeling fulfilling to me and I'm not going to go out of my way to falsify emotions and personality to "fix" that"

Let Him In
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post #27 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 12:30 PM
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I'm not sure. I've come to accept the fact that I'll be alone for the rest of my life, so I don't bother putting in the energy to make friends anymore. Although I wouldn't say I've made peace with it, as I'm terribly lonely and I'm envious of people who have friends.
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post #28 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 01:39 PM
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I wonder, studying replies to this thread including my own, would any of us still be online interacting with others if we really had fully accepted being completely alone forever ? or are we fooling ourselves to a degree, oh the irony, we are social creatures by nature : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #29 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 02:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
I wonder, studying replies to this thread including my own, would any of us still be online interacting with others if we really had fully accepted being completely alone forever ? or are we fooling ourselves to a degree, oh the irony, we are social creatures by nature : /
That's a great point - we all need it I think. I know I do. I haven't accepted it at all.
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post #30 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 03:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
I wonder, studying replies to this thread including my own, would any of us still be online interacting with others if we really had fully accepted being completely alone forever ? or are we fooling ourselves to a degree, oh the irony, we are social creatures by nature : /
There are degrees, I don't think the point of the thread was radical 100% aloneness but meaningful friendships/romantic relationships, which some here seem to need more than others.

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post #31 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 03:38 PM
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I would really really like to have somebody I could do crap with...like a couple weeks ago I really wanted to go to this Norwegian festival around me, but I knew that if I went alone, I'd just wind up wandering aimlessly down the street once, have no idea what to do and then turn around and head home after 10 minutes. Same thing with traveling somewhere. So many places I want to go to and things to see and do, but I know if I go alone, there'd be a high probability of me just sitting in my hotel room for most of the time. But I don't want to constantly live with the fear of somebody like calling me to go hang out at a bar with a group of people and I certainly don't want to be constantly judged and nagged (which is the primary aspect of 'romantic' relationships). Like I REALLY enjoy going out and doing things, but I have zero desire to do most things by myself.

You are the wave, I am the naked island.
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post #32 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-29-2019, 05:48 PM
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No, it’s about as depressing as always.
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post #33 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-30-2019, 02:12 AM
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it's really hard to imagine finding someone i'm compatible w/ who is also single, but no.....not quite there yet.
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post #34 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-30-2019, 02:21 AM
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I've made piece with the whole.

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post #35 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-30-2019, 02:32 AM
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My previous response is much more about having made peace with temporary aloneness (until this connection thing gets worked out.) I have no problem attracting men or getting into relats. Or having pple who want to hang out and be friends. It's far more feeling safe/connected/engaged which is what I'm working on in therapy. Cause just having someone around I don't feel connected to is just... Balls. Feel far more alone than when I'm on my own. No point to it. Works for me atm cause I've embraced all I care about is the financial bit right now. When I'm ready there'll always be people there.

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Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #36 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-30-2019, 02:34 AM
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I'm learning to accept it.

Sometimes I have hope but it becomes painful. I'm so dejected these days.
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post #37 of 39 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 01:39 PM
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Yes yes absolutely made peace with it. Hardly bothers me anymore. I'm surrounded by pretty women in my office and while I do feel sexual excitement its nothing romantic so masturbating takes care of that. About finding partner and getting married was never interested in that. Would prefer living alone with pets(as weird and miserable as that might sound).

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post #38 of 39 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 01:55 PM
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I felt as you did OP, until I met someone here. And for a little while it felt like perhaps the curse was lifted. But unfortunately I feel like I'm back to square one. But getting a taste of what could be hasn't completely defeated me. But I feel you.

"There's a fine line between the peacefulness of solitude and the loneliness of isolation."
- Dr. Hill, Until Dawn
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post #39 of 39 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 05:44 PM
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No. I'd be lying if I said I did.
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