Anyone here made peace with their alone-ness? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Anyone here made peace with their alone-ness?

I pretty much have come to terms with the fact that I'm gonna be single for life. As well as probably friendless (although I'm open to the possibility of friendship in the future, it's just an unlikely possibility in my case).

I don't hate anyone nor am I bitter. It's just something I've calmly come to accept, like a terminal cancer diagnosis.

Does anyone feel the same or can relate?
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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 09:12 AM
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spiritual superiority.

everyone slower than me. worrrld tooo slooww. Immmature
behind. reetarrrded. nothing lasts. all humans pop-up then disappear..
within years.. months or days.

friendships & employment are RRRRRRR obtuse to perm. drifters. GivUppperz

not much problem getting booted out. worst tightening of handbrake, rack
no recruiter never let us resume if not currently active right now. a day without, they stretch it to years, decades. any excuse of theirs. managed a whole 2-year gap many times to fresh jobs.

each day is NULL. Empty. day starts at 5am. koƒƒski. regretted immediately.

ends 2200-2300

today my first day with second coffee! no for last 20 years. several in an office all my life. making last coffee 1500... so i can sleep

this summer, all Dr Pepper zero addiction. my pilsner lager replacement
to feed natural thirst with carbon dioxide fizz. upping price hike in summer, i walk away from offending capitalisms. diplomacy voting by not buying.

worker |<------recruiter / lawyer /----->| employer

LIFE = LUCK. No magic. someone made a fluffy subjective decision which affected you and will forever
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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 10:03 AM
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I made peace with it years ago, there was a time when I felt lonely. It's weird because I'm pretty extroverted but I also like my alone time, I'm a mix of a lot of different things like a balanced personality.
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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 12:02 PM
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Yeah I'm fine with it either way, I have my siblings etc, it never bothered me much anyway, I always liked my alone time, peace & quiet, in the grand scale of things it doesn't matter much either way, although people generally respond better if you come across as easy going anyway so accepting your situation might actually help anyone bothered by it, I know everyone's not the same & some people can't, but there's no point flogging a dead horse, just bury it & get a new one &#x1f609;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 12:15 PM
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The complications with dating/marriage/etc. can be extreme for a regular person whose good with people. For me it's just ridiculous. I don't think I'd even enjoy it much unless it was a very specific type of woman. Short of my magic woman coming into my life and us happening to click, which would probably require my own personal evolution having gone further as well, I'd rather just stick to my fantasies. I'm used to being alone.
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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 12:58 PM
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sometimes I think so. not right now. I'm desperate for change.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 01:38 PM
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Yes nor does it bother me because I've gotten through so much alone anyway.

Even when people come into my life, they always come and go- reasons ranging from me moving around too often, being too distant, always only being seen as an acquaintance and nothing more, etc. Not complaining- just stating my observations. I'm also facing several major debts right now and would rather not drag anyone into such a thing until it gets paid down. So, there goes the dating crap.

"Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 01:44 PM
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I have made peace with it to an extent, but not entirely. I still seek affection, love, and connection.

I'm actually pretty impressed with my resilience in this regard, since I know I'm not likely to ever find what I'm looking for.
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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 01:49 PM
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I won't be alone. For a few reasons.

We are in a reverie/ And everything you thought you knew isn't what it seems/ Only truth will set you free/ And I would never lie to you
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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 01:56 PM
Self-absorbed but it's ok
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It sounds extremely sad, people.
Don't do that.
I used to think the same way, but when I found out what was the reason why I thought so (spoiler: Schizoid personality disorder in my case) I didn't think that way anymore. Because it's not genuine me talking, but I am certain way due to upbringing (childhood traumas, certain environment etc) and I don't allow it to keep influencing me and my future because it wasn't my choice. People who have different kinds of relationships don't think this way because it didn't happen to them. Why compare ourselves to them? It's called ranking and it's false, especially in the way you use it.

There's certainly a hope to improve the quality of life.

But then when you get relationships (if you're reflective enough) you realize that you're not ready for them and that you most likely unconsciously projected and will be projecting the role of caregiver on whoever is your partner untill you receive a proper care in thearpy or at least improve in it. So don't think like getting relationship is the most importaint thing. Like what about maintaining it? Uh? Uh? Cause it's not only about receiving something in case you thought otherwise. There's a whole another human being with you.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #11 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 03:06 PM
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I've been living alone for a few years now and it's weird - I sort of like aspects of it but not really. It was necessary because it's been very hard getting used to the idea that I won't be living with my wife anymore - but I can see now that I don't think it will be forever. Well, I might still have my own place but I'll probably get someone else in my life eventually - I see no reason why I should go through the rest of my life alone. That hasn't been the case before so it most likely won't be in the future. Pretty sad way to live if you ask me.
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post #12 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 03:24 PM
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I'm okay with living alone.

Being alone all the time, no. No one to do things with on the weekends. No one to hang out with. No one to rely on for support in times of need. Not okay with it at all. Not like I have a loving family to focus on either.
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post #13 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 03:38 PM
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I could say I've 'made peace' with fact I've always been and will continue being alone, but I certainly haven't 'made peace' with why. *sips drink*

I don't care if it's dangerous or not...I'm going to town either way.
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post #14 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 03:49 PM
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We come into this world alone and go out alone.

I worry as my part of my family dies off with me.

Parents tried their best when taking into account the circumstances.

Just feel like a failure in that area, but was handicapped compared to most.

But I know I have some things to do before I go and be at peace.
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post #15 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 04:46 PM
~The Fun Has Arrived~
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I have in a way. During my school days I was your quiet shy type. I natually prefer my alone-ness. I had a few people I called a friend but they were simply associates. We never truly knew each other. I never knew them outside the classroom either. It wasn't until after high school when I started to see my alone-ness in the friendship department. Relationship-wise never happened. I started to accept my alone-ness after my 2 best online friends had moved on from me {abandoned} and with the shutdown of a forum I was a member of. Add in a few toxic online friendships.

I accepted the fact that friendships don't seem to work out for me. They never have. It is always short-lived {the so called close friends end up disappearing} and it is just hard for me to connect. I seem to do better being alone.
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post #16 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 08:34 PM
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Peace? No. More like random acts of terrorism.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #17 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 10:22 PM
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Back and forth. Sometimes I'm okay with it, other times I get really bored and long for someone to travel with, or share experiences, etc. I haven't completely given up on ever having friends or being in relationship, but it seems less likely at this point than 10 years ago.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #18 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 11:22 PM
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Dont give up and accept the fact you wont find a partner. I dont know your age but if you live in NYC their is no shortage of women. Try to improve what you can such as fitness level, social skills, employment situation to make you a more desirable dating candidate. Easier said then done I know. Improve the things you can and accept the things you cant
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post #19 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-26-2019, 11:27 PM
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Eh, I can't say I'm really all that alone. There are few people I hang out with ever, but I constantly chat with strangers and such. I feel a bit like Clooney's character from Up in the Air in this regard. No attachments, lots of random interactions.

Not sure if I want to change in this regard or not. Having good friends/partners sounds attractive in some ways, but I really don't like the responsibility and the limitations that come with it. Unless those friends/partners are just as wild as me. But I've only met a few people like that in person, and, ironically, it is exactly this personality trait that didn't make us friends/partners.

Life is full of ironies!
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post #20 of 39 (permalink) Old 05-27-2019, 06:04 AM
occasionally lesbian NRx
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I tend to think relationships/sex seem better in fiction and also rarely fantasise about my own involvement and actually struggle to at times sexually because I have a weird sexuality that has always been predominantly voyeuristic, and then some things I fantasise about are impossible.

I've had crushes on specific people though and would probably like to experience a relationship with those people or at least keep them around there's a desire there (but then desire might fade if I did get into a relationship with them or pass a certain point as has happened before, because I'm sensitive with boundaries.)

In general I don't like being around people because I dislike the dynamic that we end up having and things like that.

As for friendships I think ideally I'd like some? Under ideal circumstances. Well I have one but we've grown more distant and only communicate online now. In real life I've had some close friendships I've enjoyed over the years, but also a lot of platonic relationships with people who I don't have much in common with. I'm not really interested in gaining superficial relationships for the sake of having experiences at this point.

There's not much I generally want very strongly though. I have a tendency to become obsessed about a small number of specific people and likewise a small number of specific interests as well.. But I kind of get burnt out on stuff as well.
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