Anyone? Feeling incompetent, inadequate? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 10:16 AM
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No, I don't feel that way very often anymore. I don't think I am highly qualified and elevated above others, but I don't have that depressive feeling that I am not good enough for society. I think there was a point where I just did not want to be part of it all anymore, where I just wanted to get away from the majority of the world and ever since then I have felt a lot happier.

For example, right now I can program a very cheesy game or application, with horrible graphics, and sound, but I just don't care - because I am doing it for myself, for my own enjoyment, not for the enjoyment of others. I can have fun drawing a picture, that is absolutely lousy and it doesn't bother me, because that art is not meant for others. I stopped seeking the approval of others, and in doing so, my own life has improved. Of course, I want nothing to do with most people, to begin with, so that makes it easier. You want to see some shoddy web design, click on my web page and bare witness to horrible photography, lousy HTML, poor grammar and all of that fun stuff. I just don't care about being adequate anymore, I don't care how competent others see me anymore.. the only thing that bothers me is that some people will see my flaws and try to get an ego boost by taking advantage of them.

There will always be people who are better than me at a plethora of things, but I don't need to be as good as they are in order to enjoy the things I do.

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post #22 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 11:37 AM
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Yeah, I do very much feel inadequate in practically all phases of life. It mainly has to do with the way I've chosen to deal with panicking in all public settings. I've learned to shut down everything and adopt a "together" personna. Hard to explain but I suppose it's a form of dissociation as I seldom remember much of what happened in these settings. I'm also on the high end of the ADHD spectrum so that exacerbates things (i.e focus, concentration, etc) and I rarely finish anything. I seem to have glued myself to an immobile life. I haven't been able to move forward. My guitar playing (or lack thereof) is a perfect metaphor. I've been practicing off and on for years but seem to stay at precisely the same proficiency level. During times I'm practicing harder and with more consistency I tend to have the same lack of progress as when I'm not.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #23 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:26 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
No, I don't feel that way very often anymore. I don't think I am highly qualified and elevated above others, but I don't have that depressive feeling that I am not good enough for society. I think there was a point where I just did not want to be part of it all anymore, where I just wanted to get away from the majority of the world and ever since then I have felt a lot happier.

For example, right now I can program a very cheesy game or application, with horrible graphics, and sound, but I just don't care - because I am doing it for myself, for my own enjoyment, not for the enjoyment of others. I can have fun drawing a picture, that is absolutely lousy and it doesn't bother me, because that art is not meant for others. I stopped seeking the approval of others, and in doing so, my own life has improved. Of course, I want nothing to do with most people, to begin with, so that makes it easier. You want to see some shoddy web design, click on my web page and bare witness to horrible photography, lousy HTML, poor grammar and all of that fun stuff. I just don't care about being adequate anymore, I don't care how competent others see me anymore.. the only thing that bothers me is that some people will see my flaws and try to get an ego boost by taking advantage of them.

There will always be people who are better than me at a plethora of things, but I don't need to be as good as they are in order to enjoy the things I do.
That mindset is great in a way! When we are content with ourselves and our flaws it helps to ignore lots of stress. That carefree attitude is much needed.
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post #24 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah, I do very much feel inadequate in practically all phases of life. It mainly has to do with the way I've chosen to deal with panicking in all public settings. I've learned to shut down everything and adopt a "together" personna. Hard to explain but I suppose it's a form of dissociation as I seldom remember much of what happened in these settings. I'm also on the high end of the ADHD spectrum so that exacerbates things (i.e focus, concentration, etc) and I rarely finish anything. I seem to have glued myself to an immobile life. I haven't been able to move forward. My guitar playing (or lack thereof) is a perfect metaphor. I've been practicing off and on for years but seem to stay at precisely the same proficiency level. During times I'm practicing harder and with more consistency I tend to have the same lack of progress as when I'm not.
I can understand what's it like to have a blank mind after putting in much efforts. I too feel exhausted and lose concentration in things I do if it stresses me so much. But I guess this is our goal we have to drag ourselves even in simple tasks when it's just nothing for others or at least they pretend to have it all easy. I'd say music is a great thing to have your focus on so keep doing what you are doing you'll eventually make progress don't be disheartened.
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post #25 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-07-2019, 12:32 AM
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I can 100% agree, and work in education too. It's very challenging with those thoughts, and I wonder if those thoughts inhibit us from actually giving our full potential to the job? Rather than handling a situation, even with children, I begin questioning myself. I think being aware of this is the first, and hardest step. Good luck friend! Sorry I don't have any advice on this. Just know your not alone, and it doesn't define you at all.
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post #26 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 12:58 AM Thread Starter
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I can 100% agree, and work in education too. It's very challenging with those thoughts, and I wonder if those thoughts inhibit us from actually giving our full potential to the job? Rather than handling a situation, even with children, I begin questioning myself. I think being aware of this is the first, and hardest step. Good luck friend! Sorry I don't have any advice on this. Just know your not alone, and it doesn't define you at all.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!! The only thing that convinces me is the fact that I'm not alone in this, the feeling these thoughts, I'm not the only one but still it makes me wonder why me and specially in the education field it makes things harder. Thanks again for the kind words God bless
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post #27 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 04:38 AM
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I frequently feel inadequate because there always seems to be people in any workplace I attend who will go out of their way to try and make me feel that way. Hell, I'm usually one of the more competent ones until some jackass leads all the other jackasses on a campaign of ridicule, gossip, etc., against me until I do feel inadequate, which begins to impact my work and attendance.

Having managers condone or instigate these things against me doesn't really inspire confidence. That it's happened at so many of my jobs leads me to believe I'm the problem, which makes me want to hide from the world. I resisted this feeling for so long, but now I just indulge it. I hide from the world. I ****ing hate those people, and, now, I hate myself for letting them get to me.
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post #28 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 07:42 PM
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Yeah. I feel stupid and worthless, like I can't do anything right. I honestly don't know how I've even survived this long in my field. Of course it doesn't help that I have a condescending jackass as a boss who regularly insults me and bites my head off over nothing almost every day and hasn't given me a raise in years but buys all kinds of expensive toys. I hate it but I don't have enough confidence in myself to find something different. I suffer through every day knowing the only thing I have to look forward to is getting drunk when I get home.
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post #29 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 07:54 PM
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I do and so far it has prevented me from finding a job. I can't hide it. When someone asks me what I'm good at I'm not even trying to impress I just say I'm not good at anything. I really feel that way it's not acted. In fact I feel so idiotic in all aspects of life that I just lock myself in most of the time. The worst thing about it (for outsiders) is that I actually enjoy being on my own, I feel relaxed. When I need to see/meet someone I will feel bad the day after for a whole week because I can't stop comparing my life to theirs and I start regretting all the things I didn't do in my life (which is really a lot).
My parents who I still live with (obviously I'm a gigantic loser) have come to the point of just accepting that I stick around doing virtually nothing productive for the rest of my and their life. I'm at the point of no return, no one even asks anymore what I do, they all know the answer is nothing at all. I'm not even addicted to drugs or alcohol (that would excuse me for being a non entity). Sorry for those that are addicted I'm not saying you're better off but at least your not hiding your issues.

I would love starting over at let's say 16 but what would it change? It's the way I was born and there's nothing to prevent it, my brain is just weirdly wired.
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post #30 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 08:53 AM
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Yeah. I feel stupid and worthless
I am pretty sure that you are not.

/WYSD
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post #31 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 10:45 AM
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Not really no.

The last month or so I have gotten a bit better at connecting with people at work. I also feel much more valued, as the people at the sales department has started asking me directly about things. I probably am more valued.

I don't have that many friends at the moment but that is okey. I had a couple of people around me for a few months now but they have kind of fizzled out. 1 of those people I still want to talk to so I am going to attempt to talk to that person more. There is one person that I want to game with so I'll attempt to game more with that person. There is also a person at the training center that seems really nice so I'd like to connect with that person.

On the love front I had a relationship that died a few months ago. I could currently right now probably enter into another one, but I am not ready for that yet.

My head is also flourishing with ideas and projects that keep me busy and happy in life.
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