Anyone? Feeling incompetent, inadequate? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 03:07 AM Thread Starter
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Anyone? Feeling incompetent, inadequate?


I know, one person's issue no matter how understandable we try to be cannot really be understood. Sometimes more than the advice or encouraging words, hearing stories about people being on the same boat tend to be relieving in its own sweet way. Just wanted to say that I've been feeling incompetent and unfit in my field/choice of work comparing myself to other experts or even the ones that claim to be experts, I find amusing to see their level of confidence and how they pretend to be something or someone they are not!! My problem is that I can't get myself to be in a classroom environment if I'm to be the student because of my past experience so I find myself trying to up my standards by doing the classroom thing online where most things are less stressful and this makes me feel guilty that I can't get my knowledge certified like how others do because of which I feel underqualified and feel inferior seeing people handling stuff so well be it teaching, coaching, tutoring, lecturing etc. I know I'm good at this but still I feel there are people who know better than me and that gets me anxious and makes me feel guilty. I don't know I can't think of any other field since this was my passion since my childhood but still I feel when it comes to qualifications nobody values your skills no matter how good you are unless you have proof for it and that's paper qualification. I tend to worry about the things I know double-checking in spite of my knowing the answers and also I know stuff about feeling like this if I'm to comfort someone I'd be a pro at it but trying to get my mind to make me feel better I feel dumb even though I know what I should do. In short everyone is an expert in their own field and I feel bad about myself I compare myself discreetly when someone walks past in an office attire feeling low that I can't get myself to be in such a position. I took up a job and now I am questioning myself at times whether I could do it or not then again I feel that only I could do it but when I fail to understand the subject material it gives me a nervous breakdown and I can't quit and I don't want to quit but still I spend the rest of the day feeling agitated and worrying myself as to how I'm going to do it on that day. PM me if you are having the same issues I have to prepare for my work and I don't know whether I've managed to convey my feelings in this long, boring paragraph. Sorry for taking your time if you are reading this and thank you for reading this.
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 10:40 PM
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Hm, well, I don't feel incompetent. I think I am incompetent in a lot of important ways. I don't think I'm just getting down on myself when I compare myself to other people in my field. I can see by a lot of measurable criteria that most of them are actually much better at what they do and more qualified than I am.

I don't have any "paper qualifications" at all beyond a high school diploma, which took me an extra 2 years to get. I never would have made it through university, which makes me incompetent compared to probably most of the people on here.

I don't really feel bad about it, though. I get frustrated by my own limitations, but I'm not ashamed of myself. It's not like I can do anything about it. Some people are just more gifted than others. I make good use of the resources I have.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 01:27 AM Thread Starter
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Hm, well, I don't feel incompetent. I think I am incompetent in a lot of important ways. I don't think I'm just getting down on myself when I compare myself to other people in my field. I can see by a lot of measurable criteria that most of them are actually much better at what they do and more qualified than I am.

I don't have any "paper qualifications" at all beyond a high school diploma, which took me an extra 2 years to get. I never would have made it through university, which makes me incompetent compared to probably most of the people on here.

I don't really feel bad about it, though. I get frustrated by my own limitations, but I'm not ashamed of myself. It's not like I can do anything about it. Some people are just more gifted than others. I make good use of the resources I have.
Thanks for sharing this!! Everyone is different and gifted yeah and same here I too get frustrated when seeing others doing better and specially the basic tasks that don't come so easily for me without feeling terrified about it! Sometimes it makes me wonder why does it have to be me why all others are doing things with such ease! Again acceptance is what's needed here and that turns out to be so difficult to achieve.
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 04:07 AM
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If I'm not manic I basically feel incompetent and inadequate all the time - to varying degrees.
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 06:57 AM Thread Starter
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If I'm not manic I basically feel incompetent and inadequate all the time - to varying degrees.
No you are not!! That's the case over here too!
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:40 AM
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:50 AM
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 10:56 AM
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Thanks for sharing this!! Everyone is different and gifted yeah and same here I too get frustrated when seeing others doing better and specially the basic tasks that don't come so easily for me without feeling terrified about it! Sometimes it makes me wonder why does it have to be me why all others are doing things with such ease! Again acceptance is what's needed here and that turns out to be so difficult to achieve.
One of my big issues academically is my memory. No matter how much I studied, I couldn't remember stuff when it came time to take a test/exam. I'd do really well in class, and then really poorly on my tests. (I have to keep a list of the names of people in my own family because I forget them sometimes. And small talk is almost impossible when you can't remember names.)

I'm also a really slow reader, so I had trouble keeping up with that, too. By my last year of HS I was failing every one of my courses, even though I spent a ton of time on schoolwork. I'm not stupid, but my memory prevents me from getting academic degrees. I'm also really uncoordinated and have vertigo, so manual/physical tasks are difficult for me and I can't drive. And I can't do math at all. I can't remember the rules for solving equations.

I'd make a really good mushroom, but not much else.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 11:14 AM
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idk. I work at **** menial jobs usually. I'm smarter than this but I'm also really lazy and a bit clumsy. sometimes people say things that makes me feel smart. but that's just because there are a lot of idiots out there. I'm really stupid when it comes to having goals and doing things that are good for me. my memory for facts can be really good but my memory for what happened yesterday is ****.

but yeah I would feel bad about inadequacies but I live in a world full of morons so that makes me feel better

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Last edited by andy1984; 11-05-2019 at 01:43 PM. Reason: emoticons dont work
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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 12:11 PM
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I fear mediocrity. To the point it makes me wanna do my best in whatever it is I am doing.
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 03:17 PM
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No you are not!! That's the case over here too!
Thanks - but I can't seem to help feeling that way a lot of the time. I tell myself I've had some achievements - like a family, etc - but it's very hard to not compare yourself to other people your own age.

My life has been been a mess basically and I've done a lot of very stupid things. I feel inadequate a lot of the time.
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:17 PM Thread Starter
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:20 PM Thread Starter
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I fear mediocrity. To the point it makes me wanna do my best in whatever it is I am doing.
That's good in a way but don't be harsh on yourself! I feel guilty or bad when I try to give my best even by trying to learn the skill or getting the information it makes me feel bad comparing my mind to all the others out there!
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:24 PM Thread Starter
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No you are not!! That's the case over here too!
Thanks - but I can't seem to help feeling that way a lot of the time. I tell myself I've had some achievements - like a family, etc - but it's very hard to not compare yourself to other people your own age.

My life has been been a mess basically and I've done a lot of very stupid things. I feel inadequate a lot of the time.
That is exactly how I feel too!! Specially when I come across people who seem to be great at what they are doing and my mind points out the fact that I'm not doing anything to be like that for eg they are doing things I'm afraid or nervous to do and it makes me feel extremely low about myself. Then again I'd feel good about myself once I've come past The moments that made me feel bad. So it's seasonal like I always say these feelings of inadequacy and incompetency comes and goes and it's so draining.
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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:34 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for sharing this!! Everyone is different and gifted yeah and same here I too get frustrated when seeing others doing better and specially the basic tasks that don't come so easily for me without feeling terrified about it! Sometimes it makes me wonder why does it have to be me why all others are doing things with such ease! Again acceptance is what's needed here and that turns out to be so difficult to achieve.
One of my big issues academically is my memory. No matter how much I studied, I couldn't remember stuff when it came time to take a test/exam. I'd do really well in class, and then really poorly on my tests. (I have to keep a list of the names of people in my own family because I forget them sometimes. And small talk is almost impossible when you can't remember names.)

I'm also a really slow reader, so I had trouble keeping up with that, too. By my last year of HS I was failing every one of my courses, even though I spent a ton of time on schoolwork. I'm not stupid, but my memory prevents me from getting academic degrees. I'm also really uncoordinated and have vertigo, so manual/physical tasks are difficult for me and I can't drive. And I can't do math at all. I can't remember the rules for solving equations.

I'd make a really good mushroom, but not much else.
Don't think so bad about yourself! I too have trouble remembering names and birthdays of people! It's really difficult unless I make an effort to remember it. And Math is not my thing either. You feel that you'd come in use at least in that way but I feel at times that it'd be better if I just disappeared like it's too much to handle. I can't take the public transport because I'm not good at giving directions or I can't say what I want to say at that time my mouth just doesn't let me say the words and it gives me panic attacks and makes me feel embarrassed also I can't remember the roads and the routes no matter how many times I've taken it I can direct only the road to my home and that too after so long and so many moments of clumsiness I've managed to do it. But going out alone scares me even now because I feel the rider takes me for a ride if I don't give him directions and I don't like to be made a fool of coz that makes me feel like a weakling. I can't even share these with anyone out here cuz they feel I'm just perfect! Sorry for the lengthy reply
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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 09:37 PM Thread Starter
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idk. I work at **** menial jobs usually. I'm smarter than this but I'm also really lazy and a bit clumsy. sometimes people say things that makes me feel smart. but that's just because there are a lot of idiots out there. I'm really stupid when it comes to having goals and doing things that are good for me. my memory for facts can be really good but my memory for what happened yesterday is ****.

but yeah I would feel bad about inadequacies but I live in a world full of morons so that makes me feel better
Haha good one yeah nobody is perfect or the least is that they are Trying to be and the problem is that we can't even Pretend to be normal or ok when we are not! 🙂
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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 12:15 AM
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That is exactly how I feel too!! Specially when I come across people who seem to be great at what they are doing and my mind points out the fact that I'm not doing anything to be like that for eg they are doing things I'm afraid or nervous to do and it makes me feel extremely low about myself. Then again I'd feel good about myself once I've come past The moments that made me feel bad. So it's seasonal like I always say these feelings of inadequacy and incompetency comes and goes and it's so draining.
Mine is not so much seasonal as it just depends how I'm feeling in general. I've been feelng pretty low lately so I give myself a hard time about everything.

I know for a fact that if I hadn't have had anxiety or other mental health issues I would have been able to achieve much more in life. I look around me and I see people that have nice houses, nice cars etc - I could have had those things too if I didn't have anxiety or if I was more stable. Personally I think social anxiety is one of the worst issues anyone can have - it stops you from achieving your potential.

In the scheme of things I'm fairly lucky though - I've had a lot of good times too, I'm just going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. I hope things pick up for you though.
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
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That is exactly how I feel too!! Specially when I come across people who seem to be great at what they are doing and my mind points out the fact that I'm not doing anything to be like that for eg they are doing things I'm afraid or nervous to do and it makes me feel extremely low about myself. Then again I'd feel good about myself once I've come past The moments that made me feel bad. So it's seasonal like I always say these feelings of inadequacy and incompetency comes and goes and it's so draining.
Mine is not so much seasonal as it just depends how I'm feeling in general. I've been feelng pretty low lately so I give myself a hard time about everything.

I know for a fact that if I hadn't have had anxiety or other mental health issues I would have been able to achieve much more in life. I look around me and I see people that have nice houses, nice cars etc - I could have had those things too if I didn't have anxiety or if I was more stable. Personally I think social anxiety is one of the worst issues anyone can have - it stops you from achieving your potential.

In the scheme of things I'm fairly lucky though - I've had a lot of good times too, I'm just going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. I hope things pick up for you though.
I too feel the same!! Anxiety, personal thoughts, our minds and the potentials and then the difficulty in utilizing those. This has almost become a usual routine like to go through so much every now and then.
Anyway Thank you and I wish the same for you too! God bless
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 11-06-2019, 09:21 AM
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