Anyone Else Notice No One Cares When U Open Up About Mental Health? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
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Anyone Else Notice No One Cares When U Open Up About Mental Health?


It was mental health week last week, and i noticied it opened up the flood gates for people pouring their hearts out on social media about it. "go and get help guise".

What I think is funny is because we live in an age where people are being more open about MH, and being like 'lets have an open discussion about mental health guise". BUT (in my experience) when I have told people I'm suffering with MH problems, they look paniked, they don't know what to say and I've made it uncomfortable. And then I get "oh i'm sorry to hear that blah blah blah". But then that's it. They never bring it up every again. they never check in and ask me how I'm doing. Opening up is a MASSIVE thing, and unlike a physical problem like a cold or a headache it doesn't disapper. It's with you for life. So it just boggles the mind why so called friends and family I tell never feel the need to bring it up again. I'd just love for them to do it.

it just boggles the mind because these are thet ype of people that tweet **** about mental health week and having anxiety.

Now you may say "well why dont you bring it up to them again if youre so keen". Well i just think of the paniked look in their eyes when I first told them and I feel like i cant because i dont want to make it uncomfortable.

Does anyone else relate or am i just friends with wankers?


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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 12:42 PM
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Despite all the sentimentality about talking and reaching out to people, the fact of the matter remains that humans are really useless when it comes to things they don't understand or don't have any experience in.

Open up to people about your emotional issues, and chances are they'll be either really dismissive, or offer some sort of trite and pithy advice. At best they'll probably feel sorry for you.

It's simply human nature that people don't like to be placed in uncomfortable situations. And so when you bring up your issues that they don't understand or can't help you with, it's only natural that they'll feel uncomfortable and consequently want to avoid the issue.

That's why I'm very selective in real life about who I open up to. Because objectively speaking, the vast majority of people will not be able to offer me anything useful when it comes to what I'm dealing with.
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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You should not be open aboit your mental health, personally. I see it as an attention seeking activity.
What about in therapy?


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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 01:25 PM
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Yep. That or I become even more socially ostracized than I was before when I take steps to talk about this stuff, seek help, whatever. I get it though. It's still awkward to talk about this stuff for most people.

EDIT: Part of it is people need to have basic listening skills rather than get caught up in trying to find the perfect way to respond or responding with cliche advice. A lot of people's immediate presupposition is that the other persons struggles are in some way not legitimate or need to immediately change. That's not helpful. Life can be rough for everyone, and I think the best thing to do is to try and consider the situation of the person and the ways they feel, whether their struggles are a mirror image of our own or not. I think there is a basis for basic human empathy there. Other's simple recognition of my life struggles personally goes a long way for me. Solidarity with the struggles of others basically.

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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnDoe26 View Post
Despite all the sentimentality about talking and reaching out to people, the fact of the matter remains that humans are really useless when it comes to things they don't understand or don't have any experience in.

Open up to people about your emotional issues, and chances are they'll be either really dismissive, or offer some sort of trite and pithy advice. At best they'll probably feel sorry for you.

It's simply human nature that people don't like to be placed in uncomfortable situations. And so when you bring up your issues that they don't understand or can't help you with, it's only natural that they'll feel uncomfortable and consequently want to avoid the issue.

That's why I'm very selective in real life about who I open up to. Because objectively speaking, the vast majority of people will not be able to offer me anything useful when it comes to what I'm dealing with.
The bolded is basically the subtext issue for everything.

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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 03:22 PM
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I don't know. It's kind of like maybe you should ask yourself what you expect them to say. It's like going on TV and telling people you have herpes. I think people kind of see health as a personal issue. Maybe it just doesn't make sense to have a global discussion about your personal health issues with people who can't relate.

What exactly do you want them to say that hasn't already been said?

And frankly. Some of us actually don't want people to behave differently because that causes more anxiety.

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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 03:39 PM
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Well, in my country there are lots of people who still thinks that having any mental problems means being psychopath, so opening up can be complicated. Don't get me wrong, that situation is getting better here, but still there needs years to go by to get decent results... Not mentioning that I hate talk with someone irl about my mental problems...

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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-20-2019, 03:45 PM
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I guess there's a difference between when people don't understand and don't care. That would hurt when people close to you seem like they don't actually care. But it may not always be quite as it appears - they really may just not know how to show they do.

If they genuinely seem like they don't care and just dismiss it like it's nothing I would be seeing them a lot less, let's put it that way.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-21-2019, 04:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Cool Ice Dude55 View Post
What about in therapy?

LOL @ your summery of what I wrote.

Let me me reword it... "you should be extremely careful about who you open up to, because people in general don't understand or care to help"

Even therapists.
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-21-2019, 08:13 AM Thread Starter
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LOL @ your summery of what I wrote.

Let me me reword it... "you should be extremely careful about who you open up to, because people in general don't understand or care to help"

Even therapists.
Whats your experience with therapists then? I'm only asking because i think i wanna do therapy but struggling to make the phone call.


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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-21-2019, 11:11 PM
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I have been thinking about this very topic recently seeing as though I am currently on a month long Leave of Absence from work and am highly debating taking a second month after this.

I've told a couple of people at work and a couple of them have my number, one of whom claims to have depression and anxiety as well; yet as of today and being 9 days into my LOA, no one has called or texted to ask how I am doing and if I am okay. I never expected them to but it is quite telling that the prevailing modus operandi, as it pertains to MOST people, is to brush aside those whom have mental health issues. Again, as of writing this, I am only 9 days into my LOA; I bet that if I were to take the full 60 days, nothing would change, no one would call and when I would finally head back to work, they would pretend to care as if they had cared all along. Most interactions with people are quite artificial and fictitious if you ask me.

Don't have much family to turn to but they have never really expressed any desire for me to seek help and for me personally, I've never wanted to pay for talk therapy.

I've also found that when you open up to some folks they try to belittle you in a varying amount of ways that wholeheartedly proves there lack of understanding of the issues at hand; this includes family, "friends", "professionals", et cetera.

You should talk to someone if you deem that course of action necessary, don't let anyone stop you. Just be extremely cautious of whom you tell about your problems. Even so called "professionals" can misunderstand your plight if they do not have it themselves or if they view you in a meager light.

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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 07:20 AM
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IMO, depends on how you present the delivery. People don't want to hear others whine about their life.

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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 07:50 AM
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The bolded is basically the subtext issue for everything.
Mm, yeah.
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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 01:53 PM
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Not being rude but when you think about it - why would they care if they don't care about you? If you don't figure in their life in some meaningful way? People are busy with their own crap - most are just trying to get by too, living their lives.

Even my wife - who I know cares very much about me, can only relate to a very small extent. She goes on what I've said or done before - obviously. It doesn't mean she doesn't care - it just means she can't undersand what it's actually like. I don't find that surprising at all - because I often don't understand it myself, and have a lot of trouble explaining it.
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 04:07 PM
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Was actually going to put something decently long on this, but the page disconnected when trying to submit. What an annoyance.


The main thing is that one can't expect so much from others, especially in regards to personal issues since we all have some to an extent. Why would we want to feel like we're put on the spot and deal with someone else's issues when barely caring for our own? It sucks, but that's how it is. The purpose that some try to open up about mental health is really directed at those who have similar issues and one could be lucky to have a group listening and relating - but that's as good as it gets.

A good chunk of years worth of my life I have tried to convince 'close' people that something was wrong. To this day they still deny parts of it. Have to learn to accept that sometimes we have to remain alone when dealing with things that are often left behind doors.
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 09:59 AM
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Was actually going to put something decently long on this, but the page disconnected when trying to submit. What an annoyance.


The main thing is that one can't expect so much from others, especially in regards to personal issues since we all have some to an extent. Why would we want to feel like we're put on the spot and deal with someone else's issues when barely caring for our own? It sucks, but that's how it is. The purpose that some try to open up about mental health is really directed at those who have similar issues and one could be lucky to have a group listening and relating - but that's as good as it gets.

A good chunk of years worth of my life I have tried to convince 'close' people that something was wrong. To this day they still deny parts of it. Have to learn to accept that sometimes we have to remain alone when dealing with things that are often left behind doors.
thank you for this.

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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 10:10 AM
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Firstly, they can't understand. ****, I can't even understand my own OCD until its active, then its agonising, I can't expect others to. Secondly, they don't know how the handle it. The only person I have ever trusted enough to understand my issues is my psychologist, and I don't even fully trust her to understand it all, she deals with it right about 60% of the time and she has years of training. When I tell other people, they typically make things much much worse, because they just offer infuriating advice such as "just stop thinking about it" - "I can't its OCD" - "you can". Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

So people just don't know how to deal with it, typically. They do tend to care, in some way, they just aren't able to help.

And if they don't want to help, they don't want to hear about others suffering, because hearing about suffering ****ing sucks. If they can't do anything about it, and it sucks to hear about it, then yeh.

People however do think that mental health treatments are good, and adequate and actually helpful, when in reality its all pretty horrible, esp in the UK. That sucks, because they will go all in on mental health week, but being aware of it doesn't amount to **** when the crappy ****ing government budget 5 for mental health services, and all of that is CBT that is about as effective for helping mental health as shouting at the patient "you didn't try hard enough, ****" (which is what IAPT CBT ends up being).

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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 03:30 PM
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-25-2019, 10:47 AM
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yeah I guess only certain people are good at hearing that sort of stuff.
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 05-25-2019, 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
Most people are to busy being brilliant, its not their fault they were born that way & can't help it.
Yes, they always seem to have a well-thought out solution for me. Like “seek help or something..” Brilliant and ground-breaking I tell ya.
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