Anyone else just as nervous about socializing in voice/video calls as in person? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 07:35 PM Thread Starter
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Anyone else just as nervous about socializing in voice/video calls as in person?


Since most social events have moved online at the moment,

Does anyone else feels just as nervous speaking and/or showing themselves on calls as they would face-to-face? I want to try participating in more extracurriculars at my school this year, but I feel like I'll be really anxious to talk and show my face in them. I'm pretty camera-shy and I've always been even more voice-shy (Which was only worsened when at this point multiple people couldn't tell whether I was a guy or a girl because of my voice.). I would have thought I overcame this from being able to talk on the phone more now, but I think this is different because it's not me having to talk professionally to recruiters or to companies/offices/etc. for errands.

Participating in classes hasn't been a problem, because we haven't had to turn on our cameras and microphone on during them. If I have a question, I usually just type it into the chat of the class meeting.

However, some students regularly have voice chat hangouts on places like Discord (Such as on servers for clubs), and I get scared of just popping in..even with how much more anonymity I may have been granted with this virtual transition. My fears just seem to have followed me on them. I worry about joining hangouts while being on mute and/or off-camera the whole time, in the event almost no one else is because of the people on it starting to think "Who is that?", "Why are they just creeping like that?", etc.



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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 07:46 PM
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Just do what I do and do the homework but don't talk to anyone.


I have a group project coming up though. Uh oh.
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sekiro View Post
Just do what I do and do the homework but don't talk to anyone.


I have a group project coming up though. Uh oh.
Interesting, how are they doing those online? Are they just through Zoom, Discord, Microsoft Teams, etc. too? I've noticed most people in my classes don't write in the chats or speak through their mic much. Not speaking is more understandable, since we are limited when and how much we can during class by professors but alot of the chats seem to have only the same 3-4 participants.

Good luck on your project!



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 08:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AffinityWing View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sekiro View Post
Just do what I do and do the homework but don't talk to anyone.


I have a group project coming up though. Uh oh.
Interesting, how are they doing those online? Are they just through Zoom, Discord, Microsoft Teams, etc. too? I've noticed most people in my classes don't write in the chats or speak through their mic much. Not speaking is more understandable, since we are limited when and how much we can during class by professors but alot of the chats seem to have only the same 3-4 participants.

Good luck on your project!
Slack I hope. I participate as little as possible. First I don't have time, and second they're just random people so meh.

And you too ^^
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 09:40 PM
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Moreso, in fact. I can be goaded into in-person interaction if there's something concrete to be gained from it, but you couldn't pay me to do a video call.
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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 01:50 AM
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I refuse to do video calls. I find it a lot worse than talking to people face-to-face. I explained this in another post, but I think it's because in a video call you're almost forced to stare at each other's faces, but IRL when I talk to people I don't tend to look right at them, and they don't have to look at me. So there's actually less face-to-face staring IRL than on a video call. Voice chats are less of a problem, but I still avoid them if I can. I prefer texting people. I'd rather people not be able to see what I look like or hear what I sound like.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 04:43 PM
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Yep!


I can still feel the judgement over the phone. I'm not pleasant and I'm not well off in acting normal enough... so I make quick responses that seem kind of forced or deadpan.

Of course, their response is then also awkward and the mood just turns to trash because I don't know how to make off with being funny in a way that will be received well.

I've TRIED before but it's almost as if people are surprised that I can be funny and still give me bad feedback so I've given up.

Honestly don't ****ing get it.

ďThough I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 05:45 PM
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Yep, actually I'd say video calls are worse for me for some reason.

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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 06:19 PM
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Of course. Some people might think it doesn't make any sense but it makes perfect sense because a lot of us have issues with how we look and how we act and how we sound. So a video might as well be in person as far as someone who has issues with those types of things. Even worse for someone like me because although I'm pretty tech savvy in some ways, I'm not really with phones and video. So I would also be worried about making stupid mistakes.
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 06:33 PM
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Anyone else just as nervous about socializing in voice/video calls as in person?


Itís way worse than in person. Iím in a class now that requires a group project and group work and no one in the class is using the chat. So I tried talking last week but there was some glitch and I donít think anyone could hear it. Irl I got to the point where I can talk with people and itís not that awkward because my voice is normal and I know people can see me properly. My voice sounds ****** up and distorted through the computer though and I look terrible/ hostile on video.
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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 06:49 PM
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yeah i have to not be sober for that pretty much.


its even worse.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 08:10 PM
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It's way worse.

Apparently some courses would require us to use voice and video, with complete strangers.
Yeah, that's gonna be fun... T_T

I have far more anxiety over this than I ever have in person over being social.

That being said, We have had a few situations where we 'hung out' with friends, online.
Which were alright in the end.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 09:19 PM
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Honestly speaking up during pug raids on world of warcraft always made my heart race. Yet I have zero problem speaking on the phone during job meetings. I guess it’s because I know every online gaming community is toxic especially towards women so I’m always prepared to fight someone and it makes me more self conscious about my dps.
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 11:56 PM
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I've never made a video call of any kind and don't care to start. We mostly use text for work luckily.
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 08:22 PM
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I've seen some people complain because they don't get enough realistic feedback through body language in zoom calls. They are more nervous because the arrangement of everyone staring into screens whose cameras are somewhat displaced from the actual screen feels alien to them. I feel differently about it because there were times in my life where talking to someone in a video call was the main way I chose to talk to friends outside my home, even though having video on made my heartrate go up certainly.

I can also sneakly use a hot key (using autohotkey) close to where my fingers are at rest, that I set up. I can completely silence everything on my computer if someone who isn't leading the call is going on and on about something that makes me nervous, just tangents about their life, so that's a plus as well. I wish I could have done that in real life for the past few years. I often will hide all video as well with the built in options so it's just audio that only shows the name of who is talking, when there is not a shared screen thing going on that I need to look at.

But then there also is of course huge difference in anxiety between having video on and having it off as everyone can see emotional reactions written on my face. Or I think that they can but if I look at my video I'm usually very stiff with a stern expression if I'm nervous, without many changes in movement. It could just be a loop at that time, if anyone didn't know any better. I think recently there has also been an element of my social quota just being so low that I welcome the high anxiety of using video.
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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 08:45 PM
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It’s actually the worst. I’ve never been this nervous as in person. I can see everything I’m doing. See everyone reacting which is different than being in class and everyone’s back is turned to me or I’m in the front so i don’t see people reacting. And you can audibly hear my voice shake in the mic lol. It’s sad.
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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 12:22 PM
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I’m looking at myself in the little preview box on cam and I very much am hideous. Not anxious about it though. In fact I feel zero anxiety whatsoever and I talk and especially type a lot. But damn I am pretty freakin ugly. LOL. I’m just happy that no one can smell me.
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 05:18 PM
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But damn I am pretty freakin ugly. LOL. Iím just happy that no one can smell me.
Why would someone want to smell you. I know I live my life not expecting to be sniffed.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-19-2020, 06:43 AM
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Yes...my therapists office is forcing me to do video appointments via their app as they donít want people coming in person for appointments and the state decided to stop phone appointments. Iíd rather go in person with all the proper protocols in place..i.e. wearing a mask than the stupid video chats. Donít really want to bother anymore as my good therapist left the practice and moved away a few weeks back and they threw me with someone else who I am not sure about....for several reasons.
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-19-2020, 11:08 AM
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I can't do calls or real-time communication of any kind. My mind goes blank and I panic and quit (chat--I've never dared do video), or if I do manage to talk okay (phone only, and necessary calls only, not social), I feel weak and shaky and humiliated and just like shaking off a taint (can't explain it) and curling in a ball and hiding my head for hours afterward. And that's when a call goes well. I can't even imagine if it went poorly.

Even e-mails/private messages are almost more than I can bear anymore. Basically every form of communication is terrifying for me.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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