Anybody else hate being grouped? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 03:43 PM Thread Starter
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Anybody else hate being grouped?


I really struggle to articulate the notion that I don't want to fall into anybody else's category or be grouped with any other people. At all. I am me and nobody else. Think of me as 'other'. I am all alone which makes it even harder to get this point across in an articulate manner. Very frustrating.
Anyways when people won't understand that I don't want to pick any 'side' at all and just want to be left alone I just start messing with and confusing people. So far it has not worked
Anybody else hate being grouped?
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 04:34 PM
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I hate being grouped by other people because once you've been put in a group people make all kinds of assumptions about you. And because I don't actually fit into any of the groups people put me in, the assumptions they make about me don't reflect me at all. So I end up wasting a lot of time trying to convince people I don't actually think or feel or do the things they assume that I think or feel or do, and putting up with insults and harassment over things I've never thought, said, or done. People are so busy kicking the strawman they've created of me that they never hear a single word I say.

Not belonging to a group isn't by choice, either. I don't like not belonging anywhere or want to be seen as some kind of unicorn. I've spent most of my life looking for some kind of community. I just really can't find a way to fit in anywhere. No matter where I go or who I talk to, I'm the outsider who doesn't belong.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 06:50 PM Thread Starter
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@truant I'm really sorry you've been going through that I saw some of your posts and can't even imagine what those experiences must have been like. Hopefully you can figure out a place or people that you can belong to. In fact I'd say not to give up hope as they most definitely exist.

But I wish I could say I wanted to belong somewhere myself, but the truth is I don't. Which is ironic because I like helping people xD So that's my issue: just wanting to be left alone (which is impossible if you want to survive).
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 08:17 PM
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Thanks, @asittingducky . The heart wants what the heart wants. I hope you get your wish and people start leaving you alone.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 10:00 PM
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I can't honestly say it bothers me all that much - not yet anyway. I don't think anyone's really tried to group me into any particular categories as such - and when I look at a bipolar Facegroup thing for example or go to a meetup the people are very different. It really does seem to affect people very differently.

I choose who I tell about my mental health issues. Certain people I just wouldn't mention it to - and so they aren't going to know. If I have a really bad day (like this morning) I just stay in my apartment, because I don't feel well enough to go out anyway.

If I'm feeling okay I appear to be a pretty regular person - and I can talk normally, so unless I'm really manic no-one's going to see anything different really. (although I could very well be feeling it inside - they just probably won't see it. Not for a while anyway)
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 10:38 PM
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It's not my favorite thing in the world but I guess it's just how people think. Doesn't do a lot of good to let it bother you too much. Just piles on. I've already got enough BS on my mind without worrying too much about things I can't do anything about.

/WYSD
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 10:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truant View Post
I hate being grouped by other people because once you've been put in a group people make all kinds of assumptions about you. And because I don't actually fit into any of the groups people put me in, the assumptions they make about me don't reflect me at all. So I end up wasting a lot of time trying to convince people I don't actually think or feel or do the things they assume that I think or feel or do, and putting up with insults and harassment over things I've never thought, said, or done. People are so busy kicking the strawman they've created of me that they never hear a single word I say.

Not belonging to a group isn't by choice, either. I don't like not belonging anywhere or want to be seen as some kind of unicorn. I've spent most of my life looking for some kind of community. I just really can't find a way to fit in anywhere. No matter where I go or who I talk to, I'm the outsider who doesn't belong.
I'd love to be part of something again too. Back when I could work it was at least good to be part of the workforce - although I wasn't very good at it for long. I was sitting on the train the other day looking at all these professional people where my wife lives and I thought that would have been me if I didn't have anxiety or mental health problems. I'm just as smart as them for sure, I'm just a bit of a mess psychologically. It really pisses me off.

At least I'm part of my family - which is something thank God. Trying to live away from them has been hell on earth for me though - I hate living on my own.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 09:33 AM Thread Starter
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@truant , I also wanted to mention that people should leave you alone for another reason: from both a legal and clinical perspective as long as you're not struggling/suffering from your own identity and have no intention of hurting yourself or others you are healthy and not doing anything wrong and you should straight up tell them that.

Also, I feel I need to specify in this thread that I'm not referring to mental health problems. When people take issue with something that is not a problem or make up lies about what is wrong with a person or what political stance they take, I guess that's really where I take issue...
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 09:55 AM
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I don't mind if it's accurate the problem is that it's impossible for other people to group me accurately because most people haven't met anyone like me so what most do is one of 3 things:

1. just have no idea what to make of me and continue on with this ambiguous confused impression of me. This is probably the best achievable outcome.

2. decide who I am based on superficial info, later realise I don't match that, get annoyed or lose interest and leave. I think top 10 of this happening was the person who approached me outside a class with the opening line 'you seem like the most normal person here.' (I mean it was partly some weird insult to the people around who were all geeks as well.)

3. Try and force me into the role they want me in, and to be the person they want me to be.

So I spend a lot of time keeping people at a distance, avoiding people all together (irl now,) and getting into arguments.

I actually don't like the idea of people forming a concrete opinion of me actually, I'm kind of scared of that.

I feel kind of like in order to have decent communication you have to be able to somehow articulate everything repeatedly or at least maybe various important points, which is impractical and exhausting. Maybe streamlining the process will be the future of Humanity if we don't wipe ourselves out first.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 01:29 PM
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 01:59 PM
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What I dislike most, is the "one of us - not one of us" - scale, as a lot of people tend to talk about people 'outside the group'.
Whereas I've always been a person who just tries to get along with everyone, I don't really care if you're a part of 'our group' - you can talk to me either way.

In that sense I don't really like being grouped, as I think it limits how people interact with you, whereas I'd rather be open to interaction regardless of any groups.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raies View Post
What I dislike most, is the "one of us - not one of us" - scale, as a lot of people tend to talk about people 'outside the group'.
Whereas I've always been a person who just tries to get along with everyone, I don't really care if you're a part of 'our group' - you can talk to me either way.

In that sense I don't really like being grouped, as I think it limits how people interact with you, whereas I'd rather be open to interaction regardless of any groups.
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