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raquellexxx 09-07-2020 12:16 PM

Am I living wrongly because I suffer so much?
For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

findyourself 09-09-2020 10:19 PM

How old are you? Thatís a very important thing to know..

Disheveled and Lost 09-11-2020 09:15 PM

First of all, i would not base anything you do on whether you have hundreds of friends on Facebook or a following online. A computer screen showing that X person has 300 followers is not even the slightest accurate representation of who they are, or how good or popular they are.

Me personally, I am completely alone, but all I can do to justify how bad my situation is, is to tell myself that i am not trying. If I don't put a lot of effort in, and fail, at least I am not breaking my back, you know? In some dates a long time ago, I put endless effort in and got nothing back.

I hate parties and dancing. I would maybe go to hang out in a bar or coffee shop, which is less intense than a club or something, or try a bar. I really don't know. Going out alone to a bar or club, as pathetic as it sounds, you actually have a step up on a lot of people. Most idiots, men and women, go out to bars and clubs with 3,4 or 5 friends. That is way more intimidating, to talk to someone with a lot of friends cluttered next to them.

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