Am I asexual?!?! - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Am I asexual?!?!


Hey guys, so i am a 19 year old female and I physically attracted to guys but for some reason the idea of sex disgust me. You know that phase you go through in middle school where you think that having sex with someone is gross, I never quite grew out of that. I have accidentally seen d*ck pics on the internet and there is nothing remotely attractive about them. I have also never had the urge to have sex with anybody. I only go as far to find someone physically attractive but having sex with them scares me. I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship but just without the sex. I prefer to be someone's friend before I pursue a relationship. Perhaps maybe this is not the definition of asexuality ( I have heard several definition and kinds of asexuality) but it is a thought that has been in the back of my head for about a year now. Any thoughts?
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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:48 AM
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Sounds like asexual. Sounds a lot like me too. Do you masturbate or like to masturbate/orgasm?

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear,
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
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If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity. Have a look, the lion's torso is on diplay :-p
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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 10:50 AM
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One answer: "only you can decide your orientation".

My opinion: "sexuality is complicated, especially with mental health issues. I used to think I was asexual, but this was due to a combination of OCD, and avoidance. It turned out I definitely, categorically wasn't. I also don't find vaginas particularly attractive, but that's fine, because I don't really get to see them during sex, unless I choose to. They feel great, they look, less so (to me). "

My opinion further, even more risky: "you probably won't know until you experiment. This is going to piss some people off, but you may have to slightly push your comfort zone. But don't do anything you don't feel want to do (there is a fine line there, but a line, nonetheless. I have crossed it, but decided I had to in order to figure stuff out). Find a partner who is willing to take things slowly. Be assertive about what you will and won't try up front.

The reason you can't tell from imagery is that everything *feels*experientially very very different to how it looks. You say you find people physically attractive, so if I were to guess, you likely aren't asexual, but nobody can make that determination for you."

Ultimately, nobody can say for you, but I wouldn't risk adopting an identity personally (identities are very powerful things) without having tried stuff you might be interested in.

My opinion. Nobody kill me.

Am not saying you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You should be in control of what you do, and what I (or anyone else) thinks should have no impact on you.

And you also don't want to have a ****ty experience, so be very careful who you have that first experience with, imo. Different people make a world of difference to how things go.

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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 11:15 AM
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pretty much what SplendidBob said.

keep thinking of advice, but it's all anecdotal about other people. you can be anything really so just do what you want.

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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
. You say you find people physically attractive, so if I were to guess, you likely aren't asexual, but nobody can make that determination for you."
Well finding people "physical ly attractive" doesn't mean that that person isn't asexual. You can see physical attraction aesthetically where you "know" that person is conventionally attractive or even sexy but still you aren't drawn to them in a sexual way. Still the idea is maybe you feel nonchalant , neutral or even maybe disgusted by the idea of stuffing your genitals into theirs.

I experience this quite a lot. I see women around that I see they're conventionally hot or whatever, then I find me asking myself "okay. I'm a male. I should have a racing pulse now or be thinking about what it would be like to phuckk her. " But I don't. I "see" how good she looks or can accept she looks sexy or whatever yet it doesn't really stir that emotion. Or only possibly very rarely. Then I think "okay. They're is something wrong with me or the emotion of sexual attraction isn't stirring because I know there's no chance that anything in 100 years would happen or I am incredibly fussy Or maybe I'm asexual?" I bet that a woman could even come on to me in a sexual way and I'm pretty sure that it would stir no sexual response back.

It's exceptionally rare that I'll be very attracted to someone on a first glance. Then even if that does happen It'll probably not last long and a crush won't develop. But the idea of romantic times and sharing time in the way what a normal bf/gf is appealing to me. I just don't think that I could care about the sex bit. Then, I still don't know. However. I would want that gf still to be attractive partly because if she was it'd be a positive reflection on myself that I got a good looking woman by my side. I have thought about an asexual woman and having relations with her. Then you have everything that would be a normal gf/bf thing but no pressure of sex stuff. But THEN, here comes the old cliche: maybe you just haven't met the RIGHT person? Again, maybe but I still aren't sure. Ugh.

I wonder what would happen if I went to a prostitute? I think that it's probably one of the unsexiest things I can think of and I've not even got that temptation. I'd rather get myself off if I want an orgasm. The only thing that would be vaguely interesting \ enticing would be it'd be an easy way to get a hj. I'd probably be more inclined to like that maybe.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear,
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity. Have a look, the lion's torso is on diplay :-p
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:31 PM Thread Starter
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Sounds like asexual. Sounds a lot like me too. Do you masturbate or like to masturbate/orgasm?
I have never had the urge to do that actually.....
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:36 PM
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I have never had the urge to do that actually.....
So does nothing get you off? Or does thinking about that cause you to feel disgusted or think it's unnecessary?

Do you ever get feelings of horniness or physically twinges down below?

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear,
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity. Have a look, the lion's torso is on diplay :-p
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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:41 PM
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I think it is defined "asexual has no sexual attraction towards people". You can still keep human body pretty and you can be defined as romantic asexual when you are attracted to romantically but not sexually. Then there is bunch of other choices as if you feel sexual attraction only toward one person; the one you love.
You don't have to label yourself but it is good to tell guys that you don't want sex. Sexual organs are not specially pretty things but I think you should thought about this by how you feel and not what things look like. If you feel desire then don't look those things but go with the desire.

I think you know when you feel you love someone but you don't want to have sex with that person either. It is a curse really. If you don't love anyone then that is relief.
Fear toward sex is very normal, just don't push you to try if you don't want to try. If you some day want to try, then try. Live day by day and don't plan that sexuality too much.

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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:44 PM
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I have never had the urge to do that actually.....
Masturbating or not does not label you sexual or asexual. Some asexuals masturbate too and that can be for many reasons. Itch can exist, or people use it for relaxing or for other reasons. Some asexuals have fantasies.

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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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I have never had the urge to do that actually.....
So does nothing get you off? Or does thinking about that cause you to feel disgusted or think it's unnecessary?

Do you ever get feelings of horniness or physically twinges down below?
Yes, to be honest with you I kind am a tad bit grossed out because a part of me sees it as sex( yes, I know masterbation and sex are not the same thing). Also, I'm not trying to call you gross or anything, please dont take offense. The idea of masterbation just makes me uncomfortable. 😥😥😥
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post #11 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 01:08 PM
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Well finding people "physical ly attractive" doesn't mean that that person isn't asexual. You can see physical attraction aesthetically where you "know" that person is conventionally attractive or even sexy but still you aren't drawn to them in a sexual way. Still the idea is maybe you feel nonchalant , neutral or even maybe disgusted by the idea of stuffing your genitals into theirs.
Yes, I know, see the rest of my post. And I really couldn't have put more caveats in there.

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post #12 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 01:30 PM
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To some extent it's an acquired taste. Seeing random dick pics of strangers, especially if you can't see the face and rest of the body, isn't very stimulating. Kind of gross really. Completely different when you are with a guy you are attracted to in person. I still think testicles are gross and would be fine if men didn't have them. Dicks are quite nice though (certain ones). Not just how they feel but how they look too.
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post #13 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 03:58 PM
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Particularly to me it sounds a lot like asexuality...
I got to read about that a lot while researching about being aromantic. I feel opposite. I want sex a lot, but I don't feel any attraction for any people...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #14 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 04:20 PM
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I sometimes think this, my bits work etc, but the whole courting process & the act itself freaks me out & ultimately seems kind of gross.






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post #15 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 04:41 PM
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I have never had the urge to do that actually.....
Try that first.

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post #16 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 04:43 PM
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Remember if you rewrote this thread and replaced asexual with gay and changed some other bits and pieces nobody would be telling you that you should try having sex with the gender you claim not to be attracted to even if you haven't had sex yet.

And in general I don't think you should ask advice about this kind of thing do what you want.

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post #17 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 08:09 PM
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maybe ur not really attracted but u convinced urself u are

anyway, i make asexuals go sexual if u know what i mean
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post #18 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 11:28 PM
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anyway, i make asexuals go sexual if u know what i mean
No you don't and that is very rude. You just have to learn to leave people alone if they don't feel they want sex. All kind pressuring is a case of sexual harassment or more and learn to respect individual and other peoples (non)sexuality. Asexuality is not about not meeting a guy hot enough, is not about meeting a guy romantic enough, it just means that no matter what or who you are, your sexuality is not wanted. That is not a matter of conversion.

No, I don't speak English and that is a secret of my happiness!
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post #19 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-12-2019, 06:40 AM
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wow, wtf is wrong with some people here
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post #20 of 37 (permalink) Old 08-12-2019, 09:47 AM
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wow, wtf is wrong with some people here
Social isolation can lead people to have social naivety and no sense of humor or understanding of it, causing them to have very cringey reactions to it.
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