Alone Forever Apparently I Am Unlovable And Nobody Cares - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-16-2019, 08:44 AM Thread Starter
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blah blah


blah blah

Peace, Love, And Infinite Light
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-16-2019, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Ckg2011 View Post
Maybe it's for the best, I mean what woman would want to be in a relationship with me? I am 36, I have never been intimate, I live with my parents, and I am stuck in crap hole West Virginia.
You'd be surprised. You're only focusing on the qualities that make you most self-conscious. That's not the sum of who you are. I don't know you, but I know you have so much more to offer, both as a friend and romantic partner, than that--because you are human. You're made of complicated relationships between good and not-so-good qualities. And neither can completely headline who you are. Only you get to decide that.

I know it's a sore sentiment in these here parts, but it's true enough: there are a lot of people out there. The likelihood that there isn't and never will be someone you're compatible with is so slim, it's not even worth focusing on. You never know what the future holds... just so long as you don't give up.

You are worthy of love, romantic or otherwise; and I believe in you, even if you don't.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-16-2019, 01:10 PM
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I guess this is nature. sometimes the lion catches the baby gazelle or whatever. its arbitrary. deserve or worthy is just made up. all this judgement doesn't mean a lot.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-16-2019, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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You'd be surprised. You're only focusing on the qualities that make you most self-conscious. That's not the sum of who you are. I don't know you, but I know you have so much more to offer, both as a friend and romantic partner, than that--because you are human. You're made of complicated relationships between good and not-so-good qualities. And neither can completely headline who you are. Only you get to decide that.

I know it's a sore sentiment in these here parts, but it's true enough: there are a lot of people out there. The likelihood that there isn't and never will be someone you're compatible with is so slim, it's not even worth focusing on. You never know what the future holds... just so long as you don't give up.

You are worthy of love, romantic or otherwise; and I believe in you, even if you don't.


Thank you for the kind words I really appreciate it. I hope you're right.

Peace, Love, And Infinite Light
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 05:09 PM
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Me too
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 05:13 PM
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Well duh, that's life : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 01:05 AM
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Yeah, sucks. Hate being one of the un****ables.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 01:37 AM
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Think the bad sides of relationships. You will never agree of anything, you have a massive non-stopping fight who has the last word in your relationship, you never want sex at the same time, who is cooking today, you forgot to vacuum today, who had to pay that bill, why cannot you understand my feelings, I disagree, you are wrong and all that crap. Alone is actually a really good choice, you can be everyday what you really are without explaining and defending and fighting for your every opinion, choices, actions and so on. Also you don't have to judge any others but only yourself.

No, I don't speak English and that is a secret of my happiness!
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 03:44 AM
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I'm sorry you feel like that


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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 08:29 AM
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I'm in the same situation. 38, live at home, and been through hell. I understand that emptiness you feel and the urge to want to find someone, but its not really worth it. Love is a lie, and lust is an instinct, not an emotion. 'smoothlinghs' made some good points...being with someone is a different kind of negative experience, but I don't expect you to understand or believe that without having experienced it. Its like trying to tell someone who has never seen fire, that it is hot and will burn you. Try reading my 'Female Nightmare" blog if you are up for a long read (link in signature)...maybe reading about someone else experiences will help you cope with being alone, or maybe not...All I know is, after experiencing all that, I have spent the last 10 years content with being alone. I will never try dating again because its way worse then feeling empty.

My blog about my experiences with women:
https://thefemalenightmare.blogspot.com/
My Life Story blog part 1, the first 18 years:
https://almostbulliedtodeath.blogspot.com/
My blog about my evil Brother:
https://brotherfromhell.blogspot.com/
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-25-2019, 02:57 PM
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Same, 36, living at home with parents, never been in a relationship, only sexual contact ive ever had has been when ive paid for it..but im in South Wales in the UK!


Fun fact..even the tv show the undateables didnt want me!!
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-25-2019, 06:34 PM
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I'm 37 and everything gets worse once you're in your thirties. The whole awkward quiet guy thing might lead to something in high school where a lot of people are awkward, but lets face it, a 30 year old guy anxious around people isn't exactly a turn on. LOL Anyways, at this point the selection is so thin you will most likely end up settling. It may sound hypocritical of me, but I really don't wanna date someone I'm not attractive to. Both physically and personality wise.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-27-2019, 03:11 PM
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Being 30 myself I can empathize with the above guys. As you get older, this aspect of life gets harder if you don't tick certain societal checkboxes:
Quote:
1) Do you have a steady job?
2) Do you live on your own?
3) Can you drive?
4) Do you have a social circle?
5) Are you confident in yourself?
6) Do you have any hobbies?
If you really want to be in a relationship with someone, try and look at the positive side of your self. It is hard, but not impossible.

PS: You also have to be careful of being used by potentially manipulative people who tell you everything you want to hear in the beginning of the relationship. If it feels too good to be true, it probably is. I know all about that, sadly.

...
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-27-2019, 04:08 PM
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1) Do you have a steady job? No
2) Do you live on your own? No
3) Can you drive? Yes
4) Do you have a social circle? No
5) Are you confident in yourself? No
6) Do you have any hobbies? Not really

I'm almost 50 and have never had a girlfriend.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-27-2019, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by iAmCodeMonkey View Post
Being 30 myself I can empathize with the above guys. As you get older, this aspect of life gets harder if you don't tick certain societal checkboxes:
Only if you are looking at having kids. If not then it shouldn't matter too much.

Finding a woman that loves you for you is rare.

Quote:
Originally Posted by iAmCodeMonkey View Post
If you really want to be in a relationship with someone, try and look at the positive side of your self. It is hard, but not impossible.
Good advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by iAmCodeMonkey View Post
PS: You also have to be careful of being used by potentially manipulative people who tell you everything you want to hear in the beginning of the relationship. If it feels too good to be true, it probably is. I know all about that, sadly.
Well said.

That is why I'm weary of some potential partners. They can put on the nice act, but have a bad side you never see until it emerges sometime later. It does make one look at the world, people in a different way.

But in saying that I have met some wonderful people. My mate has one of the best wifes, even other women think highly of her. She knows how to get respect and can't help but be respectful towards her when talking to her. It is just who she is. I keep telling him he is so lucky to have her.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-27-2019, 06:17 PM
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Yeah, it became a big issue for me when I got into my 30s and was still living with my folks.

I felt like I was weird, and avoided telling people because I felt judged. I was worried I'd never be able to leave home.

Whenever I went out with my mum and dad, I always felt extemely self-conscious of how I must look to others. Like a man-child or something.

But everyone's different. Some people leave home at 18, or are kicked out, and have to make their own way. For others it takes longer.

For me, a chance meeting at work one day led to me moving from the UK to Australia and getting married. Now we've got two kids.

If you'd have told me back then that this was what the future held for me, there's no way I would've believed it.

I know it's a cliche, but stuff just tends to happen when you least expect it.
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-27-2019, 07:58 PM
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I'm in my mid 40s and stopped caring about it several years ago. When I was in my 20s I was completely obsessed with it but now I have absolutely no motivation or desire to try left anymore. Women find me about as desirable as the ebola virus. I'm freakishly ugly, inexperienced, no social life, and have nothing to offer. I feel ashamed to be seen in public and will avoid eye contact with people at all costs. I just want to be left alone and keep to myself for the most part. I've lived my entire life in solitude so its all I've ever known.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-28-2019, 09:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I don't believe you were just lucky, you earned your life.
Fair point. I suppose you do have to put yourself "out there" to some extent to increase your opportunities to meet and interact with people.

I spent years out of work when I lived with my folks. So I know what it's like to feel hopeless about the future.

For me, most of the jobs I've done have come up more through word of mouth. I had/have an extreme fear of job interviews.

I met my wife in a small local gym where I was working.

I got a job there after pushing through my fear of gyms and going there to work out as a way of coping with my depression.

I got to know the staff and eventually was asked if I would consider doing the odd shift to cover for the other staff members. That's how it all started.

I found that after a while I actually enjoyed chatting with the regulars at the gym. My anxiety lessened, maybe because of the continual exposure to these situations.

So I believe there is always hope, no matter how bad life may seem.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2019, 05:51 AM
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Don't you talk to a girl on here? Paris or whatever? Thought you guys were together .

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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