21 year old fresh graduate - severely depressed, feel hopeless, venting - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-19-2015, 05:51 AM Thread Starter
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21 year old fresh graduate - severely depressed, feel hopeless, venting


I am a 21 year old fresh graduate from a prestigious business school. I have been out of university for 2 months and I feel extremely down because my daily routine feels purposeless, empty, and boring. I feel like I have no purpose in life.

My first post here was when I was 17 or 18 and I had thought by now that I would never have to come back here again by this time. I posted here before that I couldn't wait to graduate from college, but now that I am out of it, I feel even more depressed, as if I have no purpose.

I will be looking for a job next week through a job fair hosted by our school, but I feel anxious and depressed at the moment, and I worry that I will be bringing this negative attitude with me to the job fair and to the interview.

I grew up in a broken household and was mostly sheltered all my life. I did not have much people to talk to as a kid and the only joys that I do remember of childhood are television, books, toys, and video games.

I have been an extremely closed and quiet boy growing up, and I brought this trait with me to college. During High School, I had plenty of chances to break my shell. I feel pathetic because I am actually a good looking guy and I have had lots of girls show interest in me and I have had people wondering whether I was gay because they haven't seen me with a girl yet given my looks.

I did not manage to make any friends at all during my 4 years of university because I was extremely afraid to open up.

I did not make an effort to talk to other people. I recently started opening up during the last few months of college and I hung out with some people after I was invited to hang out with them by a girl who liked me because I was actually able to open up to them and talk after being invited to go out one night. That night was great and it was a night where I was able to be myself and to speak my mind. These people gave me a chance to hang out with them and I felt like I got a big break.

Unfortunately, during the trip, I suddenly became my shy and quiet self again, and most of the time I was quiet and anxious. The people I hung out with noticed and made it really awkward for me.

I am also filled with regret that I was not able to break out of my shell and be myself around a girl who showed interest in me, the girl who invited me to the trip. The past few weeks before the trip, she had been sending filrtacious text messages, and I unfortunately did not know how to respond, but I was extremely excited when she invited me out to a trip. My first and last trip in university. The people I hung out with were setting her up with me, but I felt extremely awkward and was quiet most of the time as I did not have much experience with women.

My time with them during the trip did not fare well and felt awkward, and after the trip, they have ceased all contact with me.

The girl has since then lost interest in me and has moved on to another guy.

I am lonely and depressed almost all of the time.

I used to think a lot growing up and during my university years that to be myself was wrong and that I should not talk until I can successfully be somebody I admired.

I have now learned too late(at the end of college) that I should have opened up and become vulnerable with others, instead of hiding my every flaw and imperfection, I should have been myself. I wanted everything that I wanted to say to be perfect to others so that they would like me, and if people didn't react the way I wanted them to react to what I said, I felt rejected and unlikeable. This drove me to become quiet in most social situations, until I could come up with the "perfect" thing to say, which almost all of the time did not garner positive reactions when I did talk.

I am still in the process of recovering from my lack of confidence and belief in myself, and I have learned recently that being honest, being yourself, and being vulnerable is crucial in order to create healthy relationships with others.

People can sense whether a person is being genuine, and the only way to be genuine is to be vulnerable, and to be honest, which means speaking the truth and speaking your mind. Healthy relationships are only possible with genuine interaction, anything else is fake.

This is an extremely long post, but I just needed to vent, I really felt today that I was dying deep inside and I felt the need to get all of these negative emotions and feelings out.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-19-2015, 09:05 AM
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Same. I wasted the best years of my life too. Now it's too late.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-19-2015, 09:22 AM
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Yes, vulnerability is both a scary and beautiful thing.

But dont worry you're only 21, you have soooo much life ahead of you...you already got thru the hard part, which I school..with financial stress out the way...

Just work on you....you'll thank yourself later ��
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-03-2015, 01:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoneWanderer View Post
I am a 21 year old fresh graduate from a prestigious business school. I have been out of university for 2 months and I feel extremely down because my daily routine feels purposeless, empty, and boring. I feel like I have no purpose in life.

My first post here was when I was 17 or 18 and I had thought by now that I would never have to come back here again by this time. I posted here before that I couldn't wait to graduate from college, but now that I am out of it, I feel even more depressed, as if I have no purpose.

I will be looking for a job next week through a job fair hosted by our school, but I feel anxious and depressed at the moment, and I worry that I will be bringing this negative attitude with me to the job fair and to the interview.

I grew up in a broken household and was mostly sheltered all my life. I did not have much people to talk to as a kid and the only joys that I do remember of childhood are television, books, toys, and video games.

I have been an extremely closed and quiet boy growing up, and I brought this trait with me to college. During High School, I had plenty of chances to break my shell. I feel pathetic because I am actually a good looking guy and I have had lots of girls show interest in me and I have had people wondering whether I was gay because they haven't seen me with a girl yet given my looks.

I did not manage to make any friends at all during my 4 years of university because I was extremely afraid to open up.

I did not make an effort to talk to other people. I recently started opening up during the last few months of college and I hung out with some people after I was invited to hang out with them by a girl who liked me because I was actually able to open up to them and talk after being invited to go out one night. That night was great and it was a night where I was able to be myself and to speak my mind. These people gave me a chance to hang out with them and I felt like I got a big break.

Unfortunately, during the trip, I suddenly became my shy and quiet self again, and most of the time I was quiet and anxious. The people I hung out with noticed and made it really awkward for me.

I am also filled with regret that I was not able to break out of my shell and be myself around a girl who showed interest in me, the girl who invited me to the trip. The past few weeks before the trip, she had been sending filrtacious text messages, and I unfortunately did not know how to respond, but I was extremely excited when she invited me out to a trip. My first and last trip in university. The people I hung out with were setting her up with me, but I felt extremely awkward and was quiet most of the time as I did not have much experience with women.

My time with them during the trip did not fare well and felt awkward, and after the trip, they have ceased all contact with me.

The girl has since then lost interest in me and has moved on to another guy.

I am lonely and depressed almost all of the time.

I used to think a lot growing up and during my university years that to be myself was wrong and that I should not talk until I can successfully be somebody I admired.

I have now learned too late(at the end of college) that I should have opened up and become vulnerable with others, instead of hiding my every flaw and imperfection, I should have been myself. I wanted everything that I wanted to say to be perfect to others so that they would like me, and if people didn't react the way I wanted them to react to what I said, I felt rejected and unlikeable. This drove me to become quiet in most social situations, until I could come up with the "perfect" thing to say, which almost all of the time did not garner positive reactions when I did talk.

I am still in the process of recovering from my lack of confidence and belief in myself, and I have learned recently that being honest, being yourself, and being vulnerable is crucial in order to create healthy relationships with others.

People can sense whether a person is being genuine, and the only way to be genuine is to be vulnerable, and to be honest, which means speaking the truth and speaking your mind. Healthy relationships are only possible with genuine interaction, anything else is fake.

This is an extremely long post, but I just needed to vent, I really felt today that I was dying deep inside and I felt the need to get all of these negative emotions and feelings out.
21 was a rough year for me. But by age 25 things became so much better. I got a life. There is hope.

I agree with the post above. Keep working on yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-07-2015, 02:14 PM
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I'm 22 and I find myself back on this website. I was 19 then, I read my old posts and things seem quite similar right now. It's still a new setting and so many things happened in between that gap. But I feel like I'm back on square one, and maybe even worse. I'm battling my head and all of my anxiety right now. I want to give up, but giving up isn't a choice for me at the moment. I must carry on.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-07-2015, 02:30 PM
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There have been studies done on this and you aren't alone. Shy males tend to have a very hard time with attaining social lives and women.

It all comes down to a guy's social congruence and how much he talks to other people.

It's tough because women usually won't initiate much and they tend to flock to where the excitement is (alpha males being loud and talking a lot).

I've seen rich guys on this site who are totally alone.

If you want advice, treat it like anything else, keep working at it.

You're not supposed to be confident right now.

The universe favors people who have talked to a lot of people, that's where confidence comes from.

So the only way to improve is to keep doing it over and over.

You have to realize, guys who are "normal" have been doing the social crap every day for years, even at your age. They started when they were like 16, going out and being social giants.

In your situation, you'll have to accept it's going to be a long journey, years long.

It's rare to find someone who can commit to that on this site. People just want to complain instead of take action.

The amount of people on here that stick to going out and socializing for years is very small.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-07-2015, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skyisblue View Post
There have been studies done on this and you aren't alone. Shy males tend to have a very hard time with attaining social lives and women.

It all comes down to a guy's social congruence and how much he talks to other people.

It's tough because women usually won't initiate much and they tend to flock to where the excitement is (alpha males being loud and talking a lot).

I've seen rich guys on this site who are totally alone.

If you want advice, treat it like anything else, keep working at it.

You're not supposed to be confident right now.

The universe favors people who have talked to a lot of people, that's where confidence comes from.

So the only way to improve is to keep doing it over and over.

You have to realize, guys who are "normal" have been doing the social crap every day for years, even at your age. They started when they were like 16, going out and being social giants.

In your situation, you'll have to accept it's going to be a long journey, years long.

It's rare to find someone who can commit to that on this site. People just want to complain instead of take action.

The amount of people on here that stick to going out and socializing for years is very small.
Actually I do sometimes complain, but I have been putting myself out there since I was about 18 or so, and I'm still trying to develop a social life, like you said its harder for people like us but if I continue plugging on maybe it will finally give.

I have SA, AS, a food allergy and kyphosis and yet I am still quite social, because I push myself as I know without trying nothing will change. Nothing may in fact change if I try, but that doesn't mean I won't try at all.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-02-2015, 01:55 PM
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Lone Wanderer,
Apparently you are not alone at this site. I can't give you advice or tell you that things will get better. I have my own problems that are probably not as bad as yours although I think of suicide daily. I've been told that I'm very handsome and brilliant and could tell that they were not being sarcastic when they said it. Looks, brilliance and clever wit and being able to make people feel comfortable and laugh are a small part of being accepted in your own psyche. I can teach you a lot about many subjects, but how to be comfortable around people evades me sometimes. Other times I have strokes of genius. Sometimes I just want to sleep forever. Maybe we can help each other. Everyone has different talents and skills. I must tell you that I do not believe in death. I know most people do. But if you think trying to die might help, I'm probably not the person to talk to... because it might. But hang on a while if you can. Sometimes miraculous things happen. I know this to be a fact.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-12-2016, 11:42 AM
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Unfortunately, during the trip, I suddenly became my shy and quiet self again, and most of the time I was quiet and anxious. The people I hung out with noticed and made it really awkward for me.

so this is common...to be among people and still be yourself. HA. All us quiet souls have had this same trauma. You are quiet for a reason, and it's not just your childhood. You sound like a person a lot of us would like to have for a friend.... not jabbering all the time, not trying to make the world give you fame or things or riches...just quiet. open? Are you open to feeling what is happening in the environment when you are sitting alone on a stone wall or bench? This is a skill most "students" lack because they are so desperate to have other humans tell them they have value. To most adults, this is Extraordinary and much valued. It does not require conversation. Just little smiles.
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