Real Friends - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2020, 05:48 PM Thread Starter
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Real Friends

Do you have real, supportive friends that you trust and know that they will stick by you?

I have one friend I've known since high school, but she treats me as a second option.

She doesn't treat me with the same courtesy as with her other friends.

It hurts and I often get sad, but I shouldn't.

Her behaviour towards me doesn't reflect on me as a person. I've been courteous towards her. I would be supportive of her if I know she would be the same with me.

But why should I put effort into someone who wouldn't do the same for me.

All I can do is try to make friends who will support me.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2020, 05:59 PM
You tell me
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I think I might now? It takes time to really know though. But yes, when I was in high school and uni I never had good friends. I was either alone, or else treated as a third wheel, or a back up friend when others weren't available. I had one particular friend of about a decade from when I was young who treated me like that and additionally did something that I considered a betrayal, and it was clear to me she didn't value the friendship as much as I did. I eventually dumped her even though she was the only friend I had the time. It was the right decision. Because of my experiences though I always think of friends as being provisional. I just can't see them as enduring relationships in my life.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-21-2020, 08:34 AM
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To your question, I'd say I have quite a tight circle of friends going back from uni. Being the quieter of the group, it does provide some good role model material, but importantly you do have to respect yourself... which seems to be the situation you @melancholyscorpio are currently pondering.

Your last sentence is hopeful, and I might advise to just expanding your social circle little-by-little. With that being said, you might also want to share your feelings with this current friend, if you haven't done so already. It could work out for the best, and also is good for your own self-esteem.

Good luck

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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-16-2020, 12:32 AM
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I have had similar experiences as some of the other posters. I had people who I thought were real friends but of course, they weren't. Eventually I had to kick both of them out of my life, reluctantly. That left me as a middle aged person with no friends.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-16-2020, 09:40 AM
Not like the other ducks
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I don't know. I don't have any I can talk to about personal things like my mental health issues, gender, sexuality. I have one long distance friendship with someone I've known for about a decade, we talk about random things. Sometimes he's supportive about some things like my YouTube channel. I rarely see him in real life now (the last time was in late 2017.) He lives in Scotland and I'm a bit north of London.

I couldn't remember exactly when that was, so I had to check my blog because I know I wrote a blog entry about it. It's amazing how depressed I've been for such a long time now. I was then too. And it's funny because I remember the emotions etc in the blog entry.

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-16-2020, 02:39 PM
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The last time I had real friends was when I was around 13-14, so over 20 years ago, I had a rough time at school & was allowed to leave & isolate myself instead of working things through at the time, in retrospect that was a mistake.

As a result I wasn't socialised properly as a young adult & it affected my growth as an adult in a very negative way.

A few aquintances from work, family friends etc have come & gone but it mostly comes down to me, I still always end up isolating myself instead of let anyone in, cause I'm so stubborn, honestly I'm kinda broken & tired of always fighting an uphill battle & quite sick of myself at this point.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-17-2020, 09:10 PM
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My best friend Alysa and my friend Paul, I trust them to have my back and stand up for me. I'm sorry MelancholyScorpio you get treated as a second option, its true, don't make people a priority who treat you like an option. You deserve better from a friend. You're right though this is a reflection on her, all you can do is life your life and find people who want to be apart of it and stand by you.

I m afraid of not being enough
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-18-2020, 03:30 AM
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Only managed to have a handful of real friends in my lifetime so far. Although as of now, just about all of them have drifted apart. The very few I still manage to keep in touch with, we mostly talk sporadically and superficially when we do, with my shell completely up and guarded. When I do become a bit liberal in opening up to them even just a tiny bit, they will completely feel uncomfortable and back off from me. So in that regard, they are not longer real friends aren't they now...

What goes up, will inevitably come back down. Whoever you have to step on when you go up, you will be at their mercy when you go down.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-18-2020, 03:59 AM
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I've still got a few people I guess - ones that I haven't managed to push away. I think I've been very lucky in my life - especially when I was younger, I had a number of very close friends. People that you could really rely on. One was like my brother - we'd tell each other everything. (which gets a bit much as you get older and your lives get very complicated.)

When I'm feeling okay I'm usually a pretty open type of person. I'll start telling people that I've just met quite personal things quite often - even just to entertain them. It doesn't bother me at all if I'm in the right mood.
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