Possessive + overprotective mother-sometimes I feel like she makes me feel worse? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 07:03 PM Thread Starter
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Possessive + overprotective mother-sometimes I feel like she makes me feel worse?


Sometimes I really feel like she makes me worse. It's like she wants me to be her doll she shields from the world. Or she wants to live through me. Pick a boyfriend or husband for me, decide whether or not I do drugs or drink, decided whether or not I have sex before marriage. Whenever something good happens and I discuss it with her she goes on about how its wrong and how she disagrees. Want an example? Ok here we go.

So I was talking to this guy I was sort of friends with. Purely platonic mind you. Brother + sister-ish almost. So he mentions I should move back and I agree. My older sister who I adore lives near there, as does my younger sister, as does my brother. I mention how I'd like to live near my older sister and she goes on about how its a bad idea and how she might influence me. She promises she didnt mean that she is a bad influence and yet she says she doesn't want her influencing me.

My older sister is the person I'm the closest with and sometimes I feel like she wants to rip us apart and take her place but she never can. It's like my sister is my soulmate or my other half. I cant explain it. It's like shes the peanut to my jelly. The salt to my pepper. The moon to my sun. We're like Spongebob and Patrick. It's like she just gets me. Yet my mother gets angry when I mention stuff about wanting to move near her as if she's jealous. She's my mom. She just cant fit the cool adoring big sis role. She just cant. She's mom.

Every guy she ever wanted me with was a bland and boring granola boy. Whenever I liked a guy she was wary of him and questioning. But if its her granola boys its cool and she's rooting for us.

It's like she wants to control everything and wants me to live a bland and boring life. I'm trying to branch out but having social anxiety doesn't make it easy and I'm behind. I'm making progress now mind you and I'm thrilled.

But I think the divorce made my mother lonely and now she's clinging to me and doesn't want me to cut the apron strings and branch out. Is it so bad to want time for me and to just explore the world on my own? Fly out the nest and go crazy? Her boyfriend approves of my wishes and thinks I should and will have to cut the apron strings but man is she clinging.

For the first time in the longest I feel like I have a life outside my mother. The guy doesn't know it but he saved me by emailing me. As did my two sisters (the younger who I rarely hear from) and my older (who is always saving me).
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frozenvoice View Post
Sometimes I really feel like she makes me worse. It's like she wants me to be her doll she shields from the world. Or she wants to live through me. Pick a boyfriend or husband for me, decide whether or not I do drugs or drink, decided whether or not I have sex before marriage. Whenever something good happens and I discuss it with her she goes on about how its wrong and how she disagrees. Want an example? Ok here we go.

So I was talking to this guy I was sort of friends with. Purely platonic mind you. Brother + sister-ish almost. So he mentions I should move back and I agree. My older sister who I adore lives near there, as does my younger sister, as does my brother. I mention how I'd like to live near my older sister and she goes on about how its a bad idea and how she might influence me. She promises she didnt mean that she is a bad influence and yet she says she doesn't want her influencing me.

My older sister is the person I'm the closest with and sometimes I feel like she wants to rip us apart and take her place but she never can. It's like my sister is my soulmate or my other half. I cant explain it. It's like shes the peanut to my jelly. The salt to my pepper. The moon to my sun. We're like Spongebob and Patrick. It's like she just gets me. Yet my mother gets angry when I mention stuff about wanting to move near her as if she's jealous. She's my mom. She just cant fit the cool adoring big sis role. She just cant. She's mom.

Every guy she ever wanted me with was a bland and boring granola boy. Whenever I liked a guy she was wary of him and questioning. But if its her granola boys its cool and she's rooting for us.

It's like she wants to control everything and wants me to live a bland and boring life. I'm trying to branch out but having social anxiety doesn't make it easy and I'm behind. I'm making progress now mind you and I'm thrilled.

But I think the divorce made my mother lonely and now she's clinging to me and doesn't want me to cut the apron strings and branch out. Is it so bad to want time for me and to just explore the world on my own? Fly out the nest and go crazy? Her boyfriend approves of my wishes and thinks I should and will have to cut the apron strings but man is she clinging.

For the first time in the longest I feel like I have a life outside my mother. The guy doesn't know it but he saved me by emailing me. As did my two sisters (the younger who I rarely hear from) and my older (who is always saving me).
It's good your making decisions for yourself. Trust me, when you know what's right for you (and it's not harming you or others) then it's the best decision for you. Your mom may have her opinion, but it's just that, her opinion. It doesn't make it truth or code. Unfortunately parents won't be around forever. This is your life and your path, and you have to decide how to live your life. You are not your mother and I think it's good your close to your sister. A lot of siblings aren't and your mother should respect your relationship with her. Your mom might be lonely, but she has to decide to make friends and not use her child (you) to feel the empty spaces.

I hope that you get to spend time with your sister and other siblings. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live your life happily and with other people.
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