Parents arguing a lot, I can't do anything - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 04:46 AM Thread Starter
MHD
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Parents arguing a lot, I can't do anything


I'm 18,an only child, living in a bad house. My parents started arguing a lot recently, I don't want to go into details, but there is a lot of jealousy and hatred, a lot of bad words, death threads and mental abuse. Meanwhile I need to listen to this, because I don't even have my own room where I could go. I have no one to talk to, no good friends, I read books and learn stuff on the internet but the parents are either screaming or not talking to each other and there is always so much tenision around me, so I can't focus on anything. I don't want to step to anyone's side, I just want peace withoutt this tension and fear, I just want to live my life, I had the best grades in my classroom because I worked so hard despite all problems at home and then parents even call me an idiot.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 06:10 AM
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I grew up in a house where my parents fought a lot, and I kind of got in between that, and occasionally ended up calling the cops when it got too much.

First thing - it's not your fault they are arguing, regardless of what they say. Also you should not get involved, and they should not involve you.

If you still go to school, you may ask your school for a counselor/psychologist (the support system might differ where you live tho), who you should be able to talk to confidentially.
Other than that, moving away, either for school, or to find work to live on your own, is a great plan.

You could talk to your parents about it, but in my experience 99/100 times it doesn't do ****.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 06:54 AM
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What a tough and difficult situation to be in!

Raies already gave great advice!

Your parents are both grown-ups (although apparently currently not behaving that way!), so it's not your fault and not your job to fix their problems!

Stay out of arguments as good as you can manage in your current situation!

Keep taking good care of yourself!
You can be so proud of yourself!

Maybe there are self-help groups in your area that offer support to kids in disfunctional families!?

Most important:
Do never feel ashamed because of your situation!
Couples sometimes get into this mess despite their social status, education etc.

Hope, you manage to get some sort of support somehow!
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 07:55 AM
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im sorry youre finding it tough.....i had similar problems when i was young, my dad was an alcoholic and there were alot of rows
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 09:23 AM
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I experienced this too at your age. I went to college in another city away from them and I'm glad I did. Distance helped. Now they're doing better and I live with them. But if an environment is toxic my suggestion is to leave it
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-29-2020, 04:50 PM
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Same environment growing up. I just learn to tune it out. My sister and I shared a big room, so we just close the door when they go at it. But later on my mom will resort to forcing us to take sides to use against my dad during fights. When we don't side with her or take sides, she then also channels her anger at us. It was a horrid thing to do to me when I was only 8-10yrs old. It was very emotionally confusing and complex at that age wondering why she's also throwing temper tantrum at me aside from my dad. My dad fortunately does not get us involved in any way which I am grateful for.

The tension is the hard part. Even at my young age then, it can feel it despite not really knowing what was going on. Worse their fighting gets, the more I fear my mom will spill it over to us. My dad I didn't worry about that much, but he was just completely shut off and alienating from everyone due to the stress of constant fights.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-06-2020, 12:56 AM
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I can totally relate to your situation. My parents fight too. Sometimes it has escalated to such great levels that i feel so embarrassed to even talk about it. It's really hard living in a home like that. Unlike you my grades degraded over time because i couldn't focus with all the fights going on and i didn't have anyone to talk to about it. No matter how good i did, i was never enough for my parents. At least you are fighting your way through all of this and it's really brave of you. Just don't give up and try to get the hell out of there as some distance would really help you focus on yourself. If you ever need to talk to someone, i will be there for you.
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