My flatmate only talks about herself and I'm already tired of it - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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My flatmate only talks about herself and I'm already tired of it


And I don't want to sound mean, but I'm very tired... I can't keep this anymore.
I mean, a month ago I ran away from a flat where I was confined with a mean and violent man. I basically ran away from there and my uni helped me by finding me a new place. I met my flatmate, she's a nice girl, I mean, or at least she was at the beginning. She was kind. We would buy things together, she would introduce me to her other friends and we would cook together. So for the first month, it was all fine.



But now that we know each other more, she just doesn't let me talk. All she does is talk about herself and herself, and her problems and wishes and her job and relationships and plans, and she's driving me crazy. She's got to the point too where she's trying to use me, like she would say she's too busy with her job and let me do all the cooking and cleaning just to finish whatever she was doing as I finish cooking.



We don't cook together anymore and if I ever say I feel down or have a problem she's always like: Oh, yes, same happens to me. No matter what I say, she's always had it worse in her life and again she shifts the conversation towards her.


I've tried everything: not to let her interrupt me, but then she will start raising her voice; try to ask for her advice on something, but she always ends up saying she's had a more serious problem than mine; try to avoid her by staying in my room, but then she'll start making any noise to bother me. Why don't I say anything to her directly? Because she's always telling me she's still coming out of depression and I fear she may hurt herself if I ever tell her I'm upset with her.



But I'm so tired... I'm literally counting the days for me to get out of here and never come back. She thinks I'll stay by the end of this month, but actually I'm thinking on leaving. I just hope she would stay even more days at her boyfriend's house and leave me alone.



Because I don't want to be mean, I understand she's been through a lot in her life and all she wants now is people to listen to her and pamper her, but it is just way too unbalanced that I just can't deal with it all the time. It's ok once in a while, but every single day... I can't... I'm already awkward with social interactions and I've never had any healthy friendship before so I don't know what's wrong with me and why I keep meeting people like this... why am I always the one on the listener's end? Are my problems really that trivial compared to other people's?



I don't know, what do you guys think? Do you have any advice as to what I can do while this month passes? Until I can get out of here and never ever come back? Right now, what I did was tell her that I will be eating at different hours "not to bother her when she's so busy". That way I'll cook only for me and restrain her from turning me into her personal chef. I'm also spending more time by myself in my room, not interacting with her at all even if we live in the same house.



I'm also thinking that once this quarantine is over I will try to be outside of home the more that I can. I just don't want to hurt her feelings because I'm afraid she may harm herself as she is known to have done in the past. But no way I'm becoming a "housewife" ever again. I was forced to be one for 8 years, I'm not falling on that trap ever again.
So, do you think these are a good ideas?
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 03:17 PM
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idk she doesnt sound too bad. I'm awful with flatmates and I always hate them. I wouldnt go shopping with them or cook with them from the beginning. avoid them all the time. etc etc. just what flatting with randoms is like?

I dread having to find a new place, so I put up with a lot. and I mean they put up with having me there so...

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2020, 07:49 AM Thread Starter
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Well, I admit she's not too bad, I mean, I've had even worse flatmates.

But what you said it's true ,I guess I was stupid enough to let my guard down and cook and go shopping with her on the first place. I should have set my limits from the beginning and everything would have been fine.



Yesterday she was back from her boyfriend's house and all she did was talk about herself. I let her, who cares anyway? It's not like I'm an interesting person to begin with, it's not like I have something interesting to share either. But then she complains I don't talk. I mean, it's a never ending cycle. If I tell her that I'm ok or that I don't want to bother her, she gets mad as well, but whenever I try to start a conversation she interrupts and then there's no stopping her from talking about her and her problems until she gets tired and goes to sleep. The rest of the day she simply ignores me by being in front of her computer with her earphones on, then she complains we don't spend enough time together. I honestly don't think she likes me. She wouldn't tell me directly, but I know she hates me and wished I wasn't here.



I've just come to realize that no matter what I do, she'll always be angry with me so I don't care anymore... I'm just hoping to live alone from now on; living with someone else is just way too frustrating. I've already accepted I'll be alone forever and I know how to cope with that loneliness with no problem. I'll be fine having occasional friends and meetings, but I don't care about becoming close to anyone. I give up. I suck at friendships and all that comes with it. I'm so tired of this mess. And I utterly regret coming to this new country hoping things would get better, I should have never hoped for the better.

Sorry for that rant, I guess I'm just too tired of people. It's one of those days I wished I could go live on a deserted island all by myself hahahaha
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2020, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Hadara View Post
Well, I admit she's not too bad, I mean, I've had even worse flatmates.

But what you said it's true ,I guess I was stupid enough to let my guard down and cook and go shopping with her on the first place. I should have set my limits from the beginning and everything would have been fine.



Yesterday she was back from her boyfriend's house and all she did was talk about herself. I let her, who cares anyway? It's not like I'm an interesting person to begin with, it's not like I have something interesting to share either. But then she complains I don't talk. I mean, it's a never ending cycle. If I tell her that I'm ok or that I don't want to bother her, she gets mad as well, but whenever I try to start a conversation she interrupts and then there's no stopping her from talking about her and her problems until she gets tired and goes to sleep. The rest of the day she simply ignores me by being in front of her computer with her earphones on, then she complains we don't spend enough time together. I honestly don't think she likes me. She wouldn't tell me directly, but I know she hates me and wished I wasn't here.



I've just come to realize that no matter what I do, she'll always be angry with me so I don't care anymore... I'm just hoping to live alone from now on; living with someone else is just way too frustrating. I've already accepted I'll be alone forever and I know how to cope with that loneliness with no problem. I'll be fine having occasional friends and meetings, but I don't care about becoming close to anyone. I give up. I suck at friendships and all that comes with it. I'm so tired of this mess. And I utterly regret coming to this new country hoping things would get better, I should have never hoped for the better.

Sorry for that rant, I guess I'm just too tired of people. It's one of those days I wished I could go live on a deserted island all by myself hahahaha
that does sound pretty exhausting. I still fantasise about buying my own place in the middle of nowhere. I could almost afford it sort of. I ought to actually do it but I avoid any change and unnecessary interactions.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-21-2020, 12:42 PM
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itís useful to change something from time to time, the choice is yours...
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
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Hey, thanks both of you for your answers.
I'm still considering the option of trying to run away to a deserted island hahaha
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 09:32 AM
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Some people are just controlling and want to run every conversation it's there problem not yours I'd tell her to shut up and leave
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 10:41 AM
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it seems to one sided. i have a friendship liek that currently and its all about them. worse is when you feel like your walking on egg shells on anything thats not healthy not trying to throw the who has it worse card. I think too many people are too self invested in themselves but for some reason people with social anxiety are fearfully paranoid of others that somehow people are jealous. though i dont have any evidence support that theory but theres reasons of course.

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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 12:20 PM Thread Starter
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@James10145 : Well, yes, I know she has a problem with that and she's always seeking to be the one controlling the conversations. It doesn't only happen with me but in every social situation she's at. Last time we went to a neighbor's house because he wanted to introduce us a new friend of his, but the funny thing is that my flatmate ended up making the entire conversation about her, talking about her problems, the time she had depression three years ago, how much she hated her mother and so on, and on and on. We didn't even get the chance to meet this new person because this girl was too much onto talking about herself. I know she's currently seeing a psychologist but this behavior doesn't seem to get any better.
I mean, it can be bothersome to me at some point, but I think it is even worse for her as this causes lots of conflict. And actually, because of her mindset of "always being the victim" she just had a fight with another neighbor and now they won't talk nor even want to see each other. She had yet another fight with another girl for the same reason, but this other girl ended up submitting to her so they made up.


@CopadoMexicano : Yeah, it is a one-sided relationship, like I am always on the end of the listener. I mean, if I ever try to open up a little bit she always ends up saying things like: that's on your head, you are self-sabotaging, or it's normal if you feel that way and then move onto the topics about herself where she expects you to comfort her and hug her and tell her everything is going to be alright. I mean, she only cares about herself and is always trying to make others pamper her because she says she had such a "horrible past" that now she deserves all the love she can get.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 12:21 PM
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Sorry to hear you have that problem. Sometimes it is deceiving when people are hard to live with in a way that people can't relate to. Like on the surface it doesn't sound so bad and people think nothing of it but when you actually have to live with it day after day, it just wears you down.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 01:04 PM
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-07-2020, 08:18 AM Thread Starter
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@WillYouStopDave : Yeah, it really is deceiving, I never would have thought she would start acting like that. Thing is today I got angry at her, I told her she was always being reckless and never listening to others and in the end, that ended up making her sick (she says she suffers from recurrent migraine and that almost anything can trigger it). She's been locked inside her room the entire day. I don't even know if she's eaten a thing or not. She's truly a spoiled girl, right? I didn't even tell her anything offensive! I just told her I was angry she was not listening to me when I was telling her not to do reckless things. Really? I just can't wait for it to be September and be out of here and never ever have to see her again.

@sabbath9 : Great idea, I'll get a pair of those xD
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