Originally Posted by leaf in the wind
Hit him where it hurts. I don't know what that is, but surely you do. What are his failures, insecurities, and fears? Attack all the nerves and sore spots - parents do it to their kids with impunity but somehow it's forbidden to return the treatment in kind.
Stop visiting and then tell him how much your life improved without him when you meet again. Be successful and make sure to point out he had nothing to do with it. Tell him another older male figure is your inspiration and role model.
Tell him when you have a kid, you hope to be a better father than the one you had.
Or more easily, go no-contact because who the f.uck has time for this kind of toxicity?
He has helped me a lot. Know that doesn't give him a pass to always be putting me down.
He lives alone since my Mom passed away. If I try to cut him out of my life for awhile worry he'll die during that time.
Have tried pointing out his failures a few times but didn't seem to do much good. I would really like to show him and succeed in some of my goals he puts down.
My grandpa did that to most people (my cousin, my mom and me were exceptions, he was always nice to us).
I guess it was mostly because he was a bit lonely and wanted to see them more or something along those lines.
He doesn't really do that anymore, and even took me telling him I'm an atheist pretty well, just throwing a few jokes about it and some life wisdoms. (He's all about religion pretty much).
I don't think insulting or attacking the person back, or starting a fight or cutting ties with them is going to do good for either side, to be honest. At least in most cases, because of course I can't know precisely what is going on in op's life.
I personally would recommend working to figure out what it is about, and working to a solution through discussion primarily (even therapy?), and only then if they don't help resort to anything more severe.
I don't think he'd be that open to therapy. He doesn't take many of my concerns very seriously. Like for example he climbs the basement steps everyday a bunch of times for exercise. He's never listened to me about putting his cell phone somewhere at the bottom of the steps. I keep telling him that he lives alone and if he falls down there he is really going to regret not having a way to call for help.
He did go to a session I had with a counselor once. It has been awhile but I think he viewed it as an opportunity to complain about how weird I am or something like that. He literally told me this before the session. Don't think he liked that I talked with my counselor about issues I had with him.
Yeah my dad was pretty negative, what with the poor personal hygiene & suicidal ideation, I often wonder why negative people have children, hell doesn't need more minions.
Sorry your dad was negative as well. I think my mom kinda pushed my dad into having me.