Living with parents, why is it looked down upon? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-18-2020, 02:42 AM Thread Starter
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Living with parents, why is it looked down upon?


I saw a lady on tv crying/throwing a tantrum about losing her apartment to live with her mother due to the economy. Then it hit me, she is scared of losing her independence! Which is similar to elderly people who lose their independence by being taken to nursing homes. And then it all dawned on me that most people don't handicap/disable themselves and they thank their parents for giving them life.

In my maladaptive opinion, I question my parents for giving me life and do handicap and disable myself. Independence is maladaptive, everything is maladaptive to me! And I would cry/throw a tantrum about losing my living with parents ability. I guess there's just different people out there, those who are adaptive and those who are maladaptive.

Like my sister, she has everything; marriages, jobs, children, houses, cars, lovers, etc. A great normal life one would think. But no, that's just something adaptive, she thanks her parents for giving her life, and loves her independence and would cry if she loses it, and she doesn't handicap/disable herself at all!

I, on the other hand, am stagnant, a word which an ex left imprinted on my brain. Thanks. But how would he know, we only dated 1 month and he judged me by the chapter he walked in on! I am not just a chapter, I am a whole story! Maybe even a trilogy! And that's how words can impact your life folks.

Anyway, I look down upon those who don't handicap/disable themselves, those who thank their parents for giving them life, and those who seem fairly normal with checkboxes checked and climbing the social ladder ever more. Is that wrong? Am I a psychopath? Nope, nothing wrong here.

You can see extremely loving people handicap/disable themselves, questioning their parents giving them life, and maladaptive choices as the world moves on without them. Hmm this is an interesting family study, I am intrigued. Why would some children move out and start their own families while others stay home and handicap/disable themselves? Free will baby.

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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-18-2020, 03:36 AM
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Seems to be a west/north European cultural thing. Many/most cultures have no stigma for children staying with parents well into adulthood, especially when times are tough.

Also, it's not maladaptive to question whether having children is right. Set aside all the religious BS, the peer pressure, the parental expectations, the biological urges and the programming since childhood, and it becomes clear: if you create a life that has a good chance of having more negative experiences than positive, you're immoral.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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Maybe I am a undiagnosed autistic person after all. I think it's okay to go against the mainstream society and live at home, no matter what other people think of you. I think other people think I am autistic, and I think that idea is why most people do move out, they don't want to be seen that way. But for me, so be it, I do have several traits of autism like lining things up, being organized, ocd, wearing my own special clothes, eating special foods; like I don't like to eat out, and I like to be a loner, I'm funny, strange, uh blunt, slow, stagnant, different not less! etc.

I tried to paint, but I can't seem to keep it constant. I was a long time video gamers but I quit. I'm trying to change things up in my brain depending on my reward systems, so I can do something else instead of playing runescape all day. That seems stupid to me. I want to grow up, that's why I'm doing the therapy from SAI still. I have a deep fascination with social interactions and people, perhaps a autistic psychologist like Temple Grandin is a great choice for me, along with my sqeeze box/chair in loner times.

Nah jk. But still, I am ****ing weird and I am ****ing proud. I am different sure, especially that I ain't married and I ain't popping out any kids. Look at Temple Grandin for instance, she doesn't have any marriages or kids either! I'm sort of like that but thanks to Prozac and cognitive behavioral therapy groupings, I'm much more social and can ****ing talk now. So I'm proud of that. But I still wonder if I am autistic and how much I can keep being this way, stuck at home, in my ****ing 30s and maybe until I become my parent's caretaker for life. Yay me.

To me it seems that from a psychological point of view, it sure as hell seems like people move out to start their own lives or they want to start from scratch away from their parents and siblings teachings. It seems that way to me, but on the other hand it seems like I don't. It seems like I don't ****ing care either way, sure sometimes I have a tug and pull and dreams of the future where I am alone with some hot guy in steamy fun, but otherwise I want to be with my parents and siblings, I want to know more about them even if it costs my freedom of a normal life. This is my life, why can't I just live it like I want? Well I will. 'Cause I'm autistic like that. Whoa maybe I am autistic.

Omg, if I were autistic tho, ah man, I would be able to change the world, which seems very schizophrenic-like but still! Temple Grandin changed it. Anyway, I'll just have to build a tribe with similar like-minded folk. I think most of my friends just like me 'cause I am autistic, **** am I really autistic? I don't know but I like it because it lets you be in control of your circumstances like me, if I want to seem autistic and live at home then I can! I don't have to move out and get married and have 100 children, no! I can focus on 1 special thing in my life that I like, my maladaptive life, and no one can tell me otherwise 'cause I can do whatever I please if I am indeed autistic, woohoo!

Even in school, I was so frickin different! It all makes sense now! No wonder I was in special ed like Jacob Barnett! Oh wow, I am a genius, I should start writing books instead of having a family and enjoy my loner life with a couple of friends and a dating life! All I have to do is thank God, I started praying recently, oh it helps bunches of oats! So I will thank God for my family and friends, and for the blessings and struggles in my life that made me realize that I might be autistic after all. I'll continue the way I am right now with my therapy and hot babes, staying home and writing books, becoming a wealthy genius, but the thing is, I already am happy because I invented my future already like Dr. Joe Dispenza says. Sure I am bipolar, but that makes me even more of a Jim Carrey. It all adds up. Everyone should be happy that they're autistic, there's so much support out there.

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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScorchedEarth View Post
Seems to be a west/north European cultural thing. Many/most cultures have no stigma for children staying with parents well into adulthood, especially when times are tough.

Also, it's not maladaptive to question whether having children is right. Set aside all the religious BS, the peer pressure, the parental expectations, the biological urges and the programming since childhood, and it becomes clear: if you create a life that has a good chance of having more negative experiences than positive, you're immoral.
I think another consequence to this is how old people are treated. They get put in a nursing home to die a lonely, miserable death. I think in a healthier society it would still be normal for families to live together. The shift to independent living is probably tied to industrialism/capitalism where we want to maximize production and consumption.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 12:17 PM
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I'd say living on your own is actually an anomaly in context of the world.

Western culture values independence and individualism - the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" attitude - so there's a stigma of still being cared for by your parents into adulthood. The implication is you cannot get by without your parents' protection and resources.

Eastern cultures emphasizes filial piety and being grateful to your parents, giving back to your forefathers, and collectivism - so living together in multigenerational homes is not only normal but expected. You would be scorned and shamed if you tried to move out before you were married, especially if you're female.

I grew up in a blend of both attitudes... and after spending two decades in a very cramped dysfunctional multigenerational home with zero peace or privacy... I respect and understand the decision to live with your parents at home, but it is not something I think I could do again. I tried in 2019 and lasted about a month.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 12:31 PM
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What do you mean by "handicap/disable yourself" as if living with your family is inherently bad? It's not and different cultures view it differently.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 04:48 AM
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In Western culture, leaving home is seen by many as a sign of independence and maturity, and thus not doing so would make you 'dependent' and 'immature'. But both can be good in different ways, it depends on the situation. These days, I think we judge people less on where they happen to live

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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 10:07 AM
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It seems that in the western world, if you're over 18 and working and therefore can support yourself it's made to seem like you should move out of the parents.

I have had people seemingly look down on me before. They'll ask me "so you live with your parents?" in a looking down their nose/unimpressed way. Some will say "are you planning to move out?" like I need to be planning my escape ASAP. It's not as easy as just moving out, I dont want to live anywhere and I would rather be living in my OWN property that I OWN. Because if I rent, i will never be able to afford property, so i'd rather just save, save, save.


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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 09:43 PM
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I still live with them mostly to save money at this point. But I come from a country where living with parents is not abnormal especially for people that aren’t married and have their own family.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 01:07 AM Thread Starter
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No. I want so badly to be my own person and hang out with men in dating life, but my father is such a Wendy and he is mothering me. I feel so restless and I think I have cancer because of so many blockages in my life and immense inner restlessness. I want lives like my siblings who were able to get away from my parents, sure it was hard for them to break free as well, but they fought and they got away goddangit! I should too. Prozac helps a lot to break away, otherwise I am a total coward who gives up and submissive to parental control.

I have been able to control my anger/tantrums to my father's tantrums. He's the one throwing tantrums first, and he still does, but ever since I chose to pretend to be in love by falling for someone in my maladaptive daydreaming -- I'm free! I also calmed my father down too and became aware every single time he gets angry and throws a tantrum. It's very sad, I think he has dementia. I just want to break free from here, I really wish this virus can do something to my ****ing piece of **** life so I can break free already. This lifestyle is not healthy.

Why do I have to be submissive and give in to parental control and helicopters and a Wendy father who mothers me?! Why am I such a Cinderella!? This lifestyle makes me sick and I find myself wanting to be alone away from my father more and more. Every time in my past when I would have a dating life and intimacy, he would text me to come home like I was a teenager. Why can't I be free to do what I please?! I won't get pregnant, I ain't stupid daddy! I just want to be free, like I deserve. Maybe I need to show him with my actions that I can take care of myself. Maybe I should be like my other siblings who left and throw a huge tantrum and leave.

Probably I need a psychologist to help me break away from him. I ****ing hate living forever with my father. I want to live my own life. It's like he knows exactly what is good for me and what isn't and won't let me choose my own way of life. Like I can't have sex and I should live my life like he wants. But it doesn't make any sense! It's obvious he's just a mothering Wendy who thinks he knows what's best, but it's total bull****! Man I am so jealous of my brothers who ignore him when he calls them and they don't answer. I am so enmeshed and he's using his subconscious on me even when I am ready to live my own life.

This is the reason I am acting so autistic, this parental control/style of parenting is hindering me and I can't do anything because he is a ****ing Wendy and mothers me at the same time. I'm sick and tired, every single day, I have to become psychotic to feel a little normal and then I go back under in depression because my dreams are just dreams, as long as he's alive. Ah I am such a huge coward, my Prozac self was so strong and didn't even need to throw a tantrum to get away from this lifestyle. Meh, maybe if I continue being rational about growing up then I can get away from him step by step, otherwise I'll be a ****ing baby forever and I'd rather die.

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 02:45 AM
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It's really how you see this affects your, rather than how outsiders see this and look down upon on you.



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I want lives like my siblings who were able to get away from my parents, sure it was hard for them to break free as well, but they fought and they got away goddangit! I should too.
And you just answered your own question and thread here. This control does obstruct you and take a good toll on you, unless you get out. Hope you achieve this one day.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 10:15 AM
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I still live with my parents at 34 and its no one's business why but its a different situation for me. My parents are seniors, I live with my mom and grandma and at this stage in my grandma's life she is unable to do the things she use to, I am here to help her and my mom who for personal reasons can't manage without me.

I'm essentially their caregiver, I take care of everything, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, their finances, answering the phone, keeping the bills paid, my aunt helps with cooking. My other family lives far away. Anyways I explained more than I needed to but it gives an understanding of how certain home dynamics work, essentially why someone might chose to live at home.

I also have another advantage to living at home. I have inherited it, it belongs to me once they pass on, I have alot of family to provide support and to help out if I need it. Do I wish I could get married or live independently sometimes but I love my family and would do anything to take care of them.

I use to envy people who lived alone or with a significant other but minus sex, my life's no different, I share living space, we eat meals, we deal with the day to day of the home but for me I'm managing mainly on my own. Its looked down upon by people see living with your parents as a sign of immaturity and childishness, when you're an adult society expects you to outgrow your parents and move on but not everyone is in a position where they can just leave home. I can't leave, as there is no one who will take care of my mom. Hey I have my computer, phone, my books and yes a life that is independent of them.

I m afraid of not being enough
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 10:47 PM
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It's just not common here in the US compared to other countries. I still live with my parents, in order to save up. But I'd rather have my own place and privacy. There are trade offs though.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 09:43 AM
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Its because people think that the person is dependent upon their parents.

And his parents make the decision about him.

And he is not mature enough to manage, financially support himself alone.

But living together can save money!
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 09:55 AM
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im 44 and live with my parents, and always have done.....it saves me a ton of cash and also id be lonely if i lived alone
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