Maybe I am a undiagnosed autistic person after all. I think it's okay to go against the mainstream society and live at home, no matter what other people think of you. I think other people think I am autistic, and I think that idea is why most people do move out, they don't want to be seen that way. But for me, so be it, I do have several traits of autism like lining things up, being organized, ocd, wearing my own special clothes, eating special foods; like I don't like to eat out, and I like to be a loner, I'm funny, strange, uh blunt, slow, stagnant, different not less! etc.
I tried to paint, but I can't seem to keep it constant. I was a long time video gamers but I quit. I'm trying to change things up in my brain depending on my reward systems, so I can do something else instead of playing runescape all day. That seems stupid to me. I want to grow up, that's why I'm doing the therapy from SAI still. I have a deep fascination with social interactions and people, perhaps a autistic psychologist like Temple Grandin is a great choice for me, along with my sqeeze box/chair in loner times.
Nah jk. But still, I am ****ing weird and I am ****ing proud. I am different sure, especially that I ain't married and I ain't popping out any kids. Look at Temple Grandin for instance, she doesn't have any marriages or kids either! I'm sort of like that but thanks to Prozac and cognitive behavioral therapy groupings, I'm much more social and can ****ing talk now. So I'm proud of that. But I still wonder if I am autistic and how much I can keep being this way, stuck at home, in my ****ing 30s and maybe until I become my parent's caretaker for life. Yay me.
To me it seems that from a psychological point of view, it sure as hell seems like people move out to start their own lives or they want to start from scratch away from their parents and siblings teachings. It seems that way to me, but on the other hand it seems like I don't. It seems like I don't ****ing care either way, sure sometimes I have a tug and pull and dreams of the future where I am alone with some hot guy in steamy fun, but otherwise I want to be with my parents and siblings, I want to know more about them even if it costs my freedom of a normal life. This is my life, why can't I just live it like I want? Well I will. 'Cause I'm autistic like that. Whoa maybe I am autistic.
Omg, if I were autistic tho, ah man, I would be able to change the world, which seems very schizophrenic-like but still! Temple Grandin changed it. Anyway, I'll just have to build a tribe with similar like-minded folk. I think most of my friends just like me 'cause I am autistic, **** am I really autistic? I don't know but I like it because it lets you be in control of your circumstances like me, if I want to seem autistic and live at home then I can! I don't have to move out and get married and have 100 children, no! I can focus on 1 special thing in my life that I like, my maladaptive life, and no one can tell me otherwise 'cause I can do whatever I please if I am indeed autistic, woohoo!
Even in school, I was so frickin different! It all makes sense now! No wonder I was in special ed like Jacob Barnett! Oh wow, I am a genius, I should start writing books instead of having a family and enjoy my loner life with a couple of friends and a dating life! All I have to do is thank God, I started praying recently, oh it helps bunches of oats! So I will thank God for my family and friends, and for the blessings and struggles in my life that made me realize that I might be autistic after all. I'll continue the way I am right now with my therapy and hot babes, staying home and writing books, becoming a wealthy genius, but the thing is, I already am happy because I invented my future already like Dr. Joe Dispenza says. Sure I am bipolar, but that makes me even more of a Jim Carrey. It all adds up. Everyone should be happy that they're autistic, there's so much support out there.