Family keeps refusing my advice on how to treat our sick mom !!! - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 12:17 PM Thread Starter
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Caregiver's Rant

This is probably not the last time I am going to let this out...but here goes.
I need to let this out somehow because everyone else who I complain to in real life just basically tell me to suck it up and deal with it... (be a man)

I am the last of my family. Doctor.

As the last child , and the last to sort-of leave the house I am stuck with the wonderful task of caring for my aging parents.

My mom has Parkinsons with Dementia. She is still able to do a lot for herself, but the symptoms are rapidly worsening. She is however, stubborn and still believe she can do everything herself, refuses to use a walking stick despite her unsteady gait, refuses to have a helper, refuses to move to the downstairs apartment of the house (so that she won't have to climb stairs).

And you know what ? Non of my older siblings have backed me up on any of these suggestions either. They are stuck in the belief that as long as Vincymon is available "everything is alright"

You see....thanks to my SA, I don't have many friends, so my older siblings take this to mean that every ounce of my free time should be available to care for mum, and if I don't then I'm being selfish.

I keep trying to tell them, that eventually I will have so many patients that I will not be available, ...but they refuse to take up my suggestions.

Even when I explain to them that her symptoms are getting worse and she needs someone else to stay in the house with her...they refuse to acknowledge it ...and I am the doctor !!

I'm not purposefully trying to pull rank..but I mean..they ask my for expert advice...and yet when I give it...they still want to maintain the status quo.

I have had so many close calls, catching her falls, and preventing her from wondering off...only bcuz I have the free time.

Everytime I spend more than 24hrs away from my parents' house of them starts calling me !

Whenever I complain that we need a housekeeper ...they turn the conversation around to make it look like I am being selfish and ungrateful to my mother !!!

I don't understand how if I am the one that pulls her up each morning, and puts her to bed each am I the lazy one !

I always get the same thing...I am not married yet, I don't have kids yet.... ( another way of saying, all of my freetime should be spent in caregiving bcuz to them I don't have a personal life)

But Vincymon does have a personal life. It's not a very big personal life, but it matters to me. I have a fiancee.
And I would like to be able to spend time with my wife-to-be without constantly checking my phone to see if Mom has had an accident.

I thought that after getting engaged they would realize that I am serious about moving on with my personal life...but no...they still act like she is just a girlfriend, that I should be able to push aside to care for mum at a moments notice, everyday.

Everytime I am not in the house, and mum has an accident...I always get the "if only Vincymon were there" speech. AND I am like, IF ONLY YOU AGREED TO GET A HOUSEKEEPER !!!!.

Recently my mum started wandering off. I tried again to talk to my older siblings about the need for better security, or a housekeeper....but its the same response "It's not so bad"...."She didn't get that far"

It's like they are literally waiting for the worst case scenario to finally admit that we need outside help.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-21-2019, 07:24 PM Thread Starter
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I've even tried talking to their wives...and it's the same thing:
"Hiring a stranger to care for ur mum is impersonal and cold."

Yea well, that's f*******g easy to say when you are NOT the one who has been in the house caring for her for 2yrs straight on a daily basis !

Being caretaker is a cold cold world. Everybody else slacks off...and guilt trips you whenever you express fatigue.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-11-2019, 12:51 PM
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You and your siblings should all pitch in to pay for a caretaker. You will soon be getting married and you will not be able to provide 24/7 care to your mother, and you should not be forced to take care of her all by yourself while the rest of them are doing nothing. It's either caretaker or a nursing home, and the caretaker is better because at least your mother can be in the comfort of her own home.
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