Do You Talk To Your Family? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-09-2021, 07:38 PM Thread Starter
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Do You Talk To Your Family?


I live with my folks and don't talk to my dad at all.

I'm basically a tenant. He will only speak to me when the bills are due or when he needs help with something.

He was physically present growing up but not emotionally. He kept to himself and didn't spend time with his kids. He was always negative. He sided with his parents and siblings when they criticized us.

So this is how it is. It's not my fault.
It's my fault for not moving out though.

He talks to my cousin whenever she visits more than he says anything to me in my life.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-10-2021, 02:52 AM
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I understand that feeling. It was difficult growing up around someone like that. My dad could be so cold and uncaring and I have memories of just wanting to have anything said to me. He's the type of person who has this attitude of "you reach out to ME" and not much else... all of his kids had to reach out to him for him to have any relationship whatsoever.

I don't have super recent memories and feelings of this as I've not lived with him for 5 years? It feels like we grew apart immensely though I wish him the best. I'd say I kind of turned into him socially, which is why I dont reach out to anyone. And well that sucks but it could be worse.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-10-2021, 03:47 AM
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I talk to my parents, often more than I'd like... Lately I've been feeling guilty because I really want to take a day or two to just be alone, but my parents are always so eager for me to spend time with them even though they just watch TV while I play video games. My dad doesn't talk much, especially since the stroke -- he prefers to gesture now which is often confusing. My mom, on the other hand, often talks too much. I always have to play with one earphone off so I can listen to whatever random thing my mom wants to talk about, which is annoying.

I love my parents but after almost a whole year of being home all the time it's kind of grating on my nerves, even though I do get nights to myself. I dunno, somehow it just doesn't feel like enough. But then I suppose I'll have plenty of time to myself when they're gone... And that makes me feel a lot worse.

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-10-2021, 03:55 AM
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My dad was the same growing up. Although he wasn't home much, especially with his and my mom's shambling marriage. When he's home, he just stays in his study room (leisure room, since he just watches tv in there, but calls it his study). Overtime, we learned to accept this and leave him be. Kids can pick up on cues just as quickly, if not even quicker.
Mom was the opposite, she always wants to interact and talk to us. Which is great one would think, but most of our interactions are emotional and verbal abuse. So we avoid her like the plague usually.

This dynamic eventually drove us to be a very cold and distant family communicative. Mostly our dynamic is just me talking mostly to my sister, and my brother mostly talking to my sister too. Eventually even my siblings became distant. But this dynamic hasn't really bothered me much the whole time. Our bigger concern really was just about how to not piss off mom.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 12:40 PM
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Nope.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 03:33 PM
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The good news OP is that you could move out. (I know it's not necessarily that easy and I don't know you're circumstances though of course)

My father could be quite distant emotionally - British, pretty tough - didn't really believe in men showing emotion. He'd always back you up though. My mother was lovely, very supportive - always on your side no matter what.

My family now is my wife (ex really) and my son. I talk to my wife multiple times a day - she's very supportive. Our relationship is complicated but we've known each other half our lives and I care about both of them more than anything else in the world.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 05:47 PM
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No one in my family really talks to anyone else in my family unless they can't avoid it for some reason. (Except my sister, who's delusional and calls people constantly and drives everyone crazy.) There's no one in my family that I would voluntarily spend time with or talk to if I had a choice. There's just nothing there at all as far any kind of relationship goes. We're just people who happen to know of each other and who are periodically forced into each other's proximity. Like people who happen to shop at the same store. The relationship I had (and still have) with my parents was pretty close to the kind of relationship you have with your boss. You do what they tell you because you have to but you're not 'friends'. You can't turn to them for any kind of comfort or emotional support. They're just not interested in that kind of thing. I've always envied people who could talk to their parents or who were friends with one of their siblings.

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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-11-2021, 07:24 PM
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No, they are all pretty much toxic narcissists. They've only abused me and put me down my whole life, there are no good memories to miss
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 07:14 AM
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Yeah, I do. My family is mostly fine. They don't really get my social anxiety, but they are not bad people. I had a fine childhood and I always get Birthday money and whatnot even as an adult.

I get on really well with my Auntie. Always nice to see her, but haven't had the opportunity for over a year because of Covid.

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 03:28 PM
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I love family conversations because it's so cool
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 09:29 PM
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-12-2021, 10:03 PM
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only a minimum of interactions that are forced on me

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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-07-2021, 06:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
I live with my folks and don't talk to my dad at all.

I'm basically a tenant. He will only speak to me when the bills are due or when he needs help with something.

He was physically present growing up but not emotionally. He kept to himself and didn't spend time with his kids. He was always negative. He sided with his parents and siblings when they criticized us.

So this is how it is. It's not my fault.
It's my fault for not moving out though.

He talks to my cousin whenever she visits more than he says anything to me in my life.
The bold is why I think that I would be a terrible dad... because that is exactly how I would act.


I haven't talked to anyone in my family in person in over 2 years. I intend to keep that going till the end of my life.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-08-2021, 12:58 PM
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No, I don't. Nobody in family talks to each other.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 02:40 PM
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I still live at home with my parents and grandma. We're pretty dysfunctional so we don't talk to each other as much as other families might. I talk to my mom briefly whenever I see her and to my grandma every night when I bring her her dinner, but I rarely ever talk to my dad.

A person's a person no matter how small. -Dr. Seuss
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-17-2021, 09:36 AM
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I email with my mom about once a month, and see my parents on holidays/birthdays, and managed to talk to my dad on the phone once when he was in the hospital after his heart attack recently. But we talked a lot when we lived together.

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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-19-2021, 09:08 PM
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I didn't come from the most nurturing family. So, my approach towards them is "I don't care to initiate that much, but I'm available if you need me."

My dad is the only one I have "no bond" with, despite living in the same house. Toxic, Trouble maker who never thinks he's wrong, Immature (50+ years old), Gossipy Friends >Family, "My way or the high way."

I'm hoping to get the hell out of here by this summer.
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